Light in the Darkness
by Golden Asp
Summary: After the events of Altissia, Noctis is consumed by guilt. Hoping to escape, he uses Umbra to flee to the past, only to discover that he can't change what happened, but sometimes forgiveness can be found even in darkness. THIS STORY IS COMPLETE ON AO3-USER NAME Golden Asp, rating grew too high for this site.
1. Now

AN: So, Altissia and the events of chapter ten broke my heart a little, and the first thing I did was use Umbra to run back to the past and run from the present, and I figured that Noctis might do the same. full of angst and fluff and some smut in chapter 2.

Please read and review!

FFXV belongs to Square Enix.

Light in the Darkness

Now

Noctis stared out the window of the train. He felt sick. It had been weeks, _weeks,_ since Luna gave her life for him. He fingered the ring. He hadn't put it on yet. He couldn't. He couldn't face it. It had cost so much. Not only Luna, but…

He turned slightly and glanced across the aisle. Ignis sat quietly, his forehead resting against the window. Dark glasses covered his eyes. He looked for all the world like he was looking out the window at the passing desert, but Noctis knew better.

Ignis was trapped in a world of darkness. Because of him. Ignis hadn't said anything, hadn't blamed Noctis (honestly, Gladio did that enough for both of them), but Noct still knew it was his fault.

Noct watched as Prompto dropped into the seat next to Ignis and touched his shoulder. Ignis flinched slightly, and Noctis turned back to the window. He felt like he was going to throw up. He kept seeing Luna, lovely Luna, holding the beautiful flower of Tenebrae, and the ring. He kept seeing Ardyn stabbing Luna in the stomach and walking away. He kept seeing Leviathan and feeling the amazing power of his ancestors.

He kept seeing Ignis.

He wasn't sure what exactly had happened to Ignis, and no one was telling him. He just remembered waking from the coma, and seeing Ignis sitting in the chair facing away from him. His first thought had been joy that Ignis was there, had survived, had stayed by his side.

Then he watched as Ignis had had to feel around to stand up. He remembered being so confused. Why was Ignis wearing dark glasses inside? Then he saw the scars. Ignis had brushed aside his worry, and told him about Luna.

"She left that for you," he had said. Noctis had looked back up and watched in growing horror as Ignis slowly felt his way towards the door.

Ignis was blind. Ignis was blind and Luna was dead. The ring burned in his chest pocket. He couldn't put it on. He couldn't.

"So, we're going to roll through Tenebrae?" Prompto asked softly. Noct kept staring out the window.

"Not before visiting the royal tomb in Cartanica." Ignis' voice sounded off to Noctis. It sounded hoarse, and sad. It made the bile rise in Noct's throat. It was his fault Ignis sounded like that. His fault Ignis was scarred.

His fault Ignis was blind.

"Are…are you up to that?" Prompto asked. Prompto was so quiet now. Gone was the exuberant young man who loved to take photos. In his place was a serious, quiet Crownsguard member who was doing his damnedest to help Ignis.

Ignis seemed to shrink down on himself for a moment. He shifted, turning his face away from Prompto. "The wounds have mended. Eyesight…is a matter of time."

There was silence. Noctis wanted to scream. He wanted to apologize to Ignis, to wrap his arms around the taller man and not let anything else touch him.

He couldn't. He could barely look at Ignis. It hurt too much. It reminded him of too much. It hurt.

Gladiolus stopped and stared at the prince, his lip curling in disgust.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

It was like being hit by Thundara. Noctis' head snapped up and he looked up at Gladiolus. Across the aisle, Prompto watched with wide eyes and Ignis tensed. They couldn't do this now. They couldn't fall apart and start throwing blame around. They had a job to do.

"You need to grow up and get the hell over it," Gladiolus spat.

Ignis wanted to strangle Gladiolus. It was like when Gladiolus had up and left them for a while on the road. It was his job to protect the prince, the king, and he had just left. The prince had been through so much in the past year, and telling him to get the hell over it wasn't going to help. Prompto put a hand on his shoulder. He thought it was Prompto, at least.

"I am over it. I'm here, aren't I?" Noctis' voice was rough. Ignis' heart broke a little to hear it. He wished he could wrap his arms around Noct and protect him, but that was never going to happen.

Gladiolus grabbed Noctis by the front of his shirt. "Maybe when you're not too busy moping, you can look around and give a shit about someone worse off than you."

Ignis bowed his head. His eyes, what remained of his eyes, burned. He didn't want them to fight. Not now, not because of this, because of him.

"Let go of me," Noctis' voice was hard.

"How's that ring fit ya? You'd rather carry it around then wear it? She gave her life so you could do your duty, not so you could sit around feeling sorry for yourself."

"You don't think I know that?" Noctis ground out. Ignis could imagine his face, angry, eyes flashing. He couldn't see it. He was afraid he would never see it again. He knew, deep inside, that he would never see Noct's face again, and it made him cold inside.

"You don't!" Gladiolus snarled into Noctis' face, "Ignis took one for you too, and for what?"

Ignis couldn't take it anymore. "Enough, Gladio!"

"You think you're a king, but you're a coward."

It hit too close to home for Noctis. "Shut up!" He went to push Gladiolus back. Ignis felt the brush of air that seemed to indicate that Prompto was no longer next to him.

"Don't do this!" Prompto cried. Gladiolus pushed Prompto by the face. Ignis heard a body hit the chair in front of him. He turned his head back to the window.

"I get it, alright? I get it!" Noctis yelled. He sounded close to tears.

"Then get a grip! Pull your head out of your ass already!"

Noctis couldn't believe Gladiolus. Didn't want to believe it. He couldn't do it. He couldn't face it. He couldn't look at Ignis and see his failure right in front of him. He turned and stalked away.

But he knew he wouldn't be able walk far enough away.

He threw himself into a seat further down the train car. He pulled the ring out and looked at it, nestled innocently in his palm. His heart began to race and he felt like he was going to throw up again. He clenched the ring and tried to get his breathing under control.

He closed his eyes and centered himself. A few deep breaths later, and his heart rate was starting to get under control. He kept his eyes closed, thinking about the darkness. This was all Ignis saw now. Darkness.

He couldn't face Ignis right now. He didn't want to see Gladio or Prompto. He stood up and started to walk the train. Maybe moving would help keep the daemons at bay. Maybe walking would let him forget.

#

Ignis rested his head back against the cool glass of the window. His hands were clenched in his lap, the hated cane rested against his knee. He felt the seat move next to him as someone sat down. He assumed it was Prompto. He thought he had heard both Noctis and Gladio walk away.

He could feel the sun warming his face through the glass, and if he closed his ruined eyes, he could almost pretend he was like everyone else on the train.

Almost.

He could hear Prompto breathing next to him. He sounded like he was close to tears. Ignis didn't blame him, but he wished he would go away. Ignis wanted to scream and rail against the gods, but he didn't, he couldn't.

It was his job to be strong for the prince, the king. And no matter how much he wanted to let the pieces of himself shatter, he held himself together.

His fingers tightened in his lap. It was a close thing. If the others continued fighting amongst themselves, he didn't think he could hold them together anymore.

How could he hold them together when he felt like he was seconds away from breaking into a million tiny pieces himself?

#

The train pulled into the station. Noctis knew there was a mine nearby that supposedly led to yet another royal tomb. He stood on the platform, the midday sun beating down on him, baking him in his black clothing.

Prompto stopped next to him. "Gladio and Ignis are grabbing a bite to eat in that pitiful excuse for a restaurant they call a dining car."

Noctis nodded, his throat tightening at Ignis' name. He was hungry too, but he knew that Gladio wouldn't want him around. He couldn't tell what Ignis wanted.

"How long is the train staying here?"

Prompto glanced at him. "A couple of days. Apparently something broke in the engine and they're waiting for a replacement part."

"Figures," Noctis muttered, his eyes sweeping the train. "We'll go down tomorrow then."

Prompto nodded and walked off. Noctis felt his gut twist. Prompto had been the light of their group, and now he was quiet and withdrawn. With a sigh, Noct walked back to the train. He leapt onto the dining car and paused.

Gladio and Ignis were sitting in one of the booths. Noct lowered his head and walked to the counter and quietly placed his order. He turned and glanced at the others. Gladio had his head on his arms and refused to look at him. Ignis had his head tilted towards him, and it made Noct's heart hurt.

He looked down at his food. It looked like something from his elementary school cafeteria, which was not a good thing. He grabbed the tray and walked to the sleep car. He wasn't even going to try to eat with the others.

He slid the door to his compartment open and sat on his bed. He stared at the food for a while before setting the whole tray aside. He couldn't eat.

He put his head in his hands and let the tears fall. He felt like he shouldn't have any more tears left, but more always came. It seemed like he would never be able to stop crying.

He angrily wiped his eyes. He wished he could go back. He wanted to go back and see Ignis whole, green eyes burning behind his specs, no scars marring his smooth face. He wanted to run, to escape.

He knew if he fell asleep he would only relive Altissia again and again. He had lived through it once, and wasn't that enough?

If only he could go back. He ran his hand over his face and froze.

Go back.

When they had gotten to the hotel in Altissia, Gentiana and Umbra had been there.

Umbra.

He heard a whine and looked up. Umbra sat before him, tongue lolling out of his mouth. He looked sad.

For one brief second, Noctis' heart soared. If Umbra was here, then he would have the notebook from Luna, and that meant she was alive! She was still writing him, she was still-

Dead. She was still dead. Like his father. Like so many others.

Like Ignis nearly was.

Go back.

He lifted his head and stared at Umbra. Umbra stared back. There was more intelligence in that dog's eyes than he had ever seen.

Go back.

 _You cannot change the past, young king. It has happened and is complete. You can only escape for a little while._

He shook his head, dislodging Gentiana's voice.

He only needed a little while. He only needed to see Ignis, complete and whole, and apologize for something that Ignis wouldn't understand.

He needed to go back.

Noctis stared into Umbra's sad eyes. The sounds of the train fell away. The room fell away. It was like slipping sideways.

Go back.

Colors swirled and danced around him. The only thing he could see was Umbra's eyes. He could hear voices; Luna, Ignis, Gladio, Prompto, his father.

He felt like he was falling into Umbra's eyes. There was nothing except for the colors and sound swirling around him.

He was going back, and then, everything went dark.

TBC

let me know what you think!


	2. Then

AN: This chapter got way longer than anticipated, so I spilt it in two. So, that means the smut has been shifted to chapter three. Noct may seem a little OOC, but he is going through a lot.

Thanks for the reviews, favs, and follows! They mean a lot. Let me know what you all think of this chapter! And happy whatever holiday you celebrate, and if you don't, then just have a happy day.

Then

Noctis woke slowly. There was a rock digging into his hip, which was weird, because they hadn't camped in weeks, since-

He sat up suddenly, looking around the tent. Four sleeping bags, some of Gladio's clothes shoved in a pile in the corner, a lantern. He could hear soft voices outside the tent. It was light, clearly daytime. He had no idea what day it was. He had no idea where he was, let alone _when_ he was.

His heart raced and his breath came in short gasps. The last thing he remembered was…what? He closed his eyes and thought hard.

Umbra. Umbra had come to him and he had-

Gone back.

He raised his hand to cover his mouth and froze. The ring was in his palm. He stifled a cry.

He had hoped the ring wouldn't be here. He had hoped he wouldn't have to think about it, to look at it, to be reminded every time he felt its weight of what it had cost.

Ignis.

His head snapped up and he lurched out of his sleeping bag. He didn't even bother to put on his shirt or boots. He had to see Ignis. He had to make sure Ignis was okay. Everything would be right again if only he could see Ignis. He shoved the ring into his pants pocket and stumbled out of the tent.

"Good morning, Princess!" Gladio called from his Coleman camp chair. He and Prompto were mashing their fingers against their phones. Prompto waved his fingers at Noct before turning back to Gladio. It felt strange to have Gladio talking to him in a friendly manner. He had gotten so used to him berating him after Altissia that he forgot what it was like to get along with his shield.

He didn't see Ignis. His throat tightened. Gods, where was Ignis?

"Where's Ignis?" he croaked. His voice sounded harsh. Gladio and Prompto both looked up at him.

"Are you okay, dude?" Prompto asked. His blue eyes swept over Noctis. It was weird seeing him without a shirt. Noct was always careful to cover up the massive scar on his back. His eyes were wide, darting around the camp, and his breathing was coming in short gasps.

"Where is Ignis?" Noctis asked again. His heart thundered in his chest. Had he messed up somehow? What if going back had changed something? Gentiana said he couldn't change anything, hadn't she? If Ignis was gone (he refused to think he could be dead) he didn't know what he would do.

"He went to creek for a bit," Gladio said slowly, staring at Noctis like he had grown a second head. He had never seen the prince look so completely panicked.

Noct didn't seem to hear him.

"Where is he?" his voice was rising. How could he make things right if Ignis was gone?

Prompto set his phone down and stood up slowly. "Ignis went for a walk after making breakfast. He should be back soon."

Gladio stood up too. He frowned at the prince. What was going on? Noct's pupils were dilated and he looked a little ill. They had all eaten the same thing yesterday, so Gladio figured if there had been something in the food, they all would've been showing symptoms by now. From what he could tell when he had woken up, it had seemed like Noct had slept soundly.

Noct closed his eyes and bowed his head. He took deep breaths, trying to slow his racing heart. He shouldn't be acting like this. He couldn't have them get suspicious. What would happen if they found out?

"He went to the creek?" Noctis asked softly, his eyes slowly opening and locking on Prompto.

Prompto nodded. The kid looked worried. He had never seen his friend act so strange before.

"There he is," Gladio said, pointing towards the nearby creek.

Ignis walked slowly out of the trees. He had quite enjoyed the silence of the forest as he strolled through it. Sometimes, he just had to get away. Gladio and Prompto could get overwhelming sometimes. He liked the colors of the sun filtering through the trees and glinting off the water. He loved watching the sunrise. He knew he would wake up every morning to greet the sun for as long as he lived. The way the light bled away the shadows and colors burst into existence mesmerized him. He couldn't get enough of it.

He paused as he came into view of the camp, a frown suddenly marring his face. Prompto and Gladio were standing there, facing a shirtless and shoeless Noct. Gladio pointed at Ignis, and Noct spun.

Ignis' breath caught in his throat. Noct stared at him as if he had never seen him before. He took another step forward, his eyes locked on the prince.

One second, he was standing there, staring at Noctis staring at him, the next, he was on the ground, breath driven from his lungs, and Noctis curled on top of him.

At first, Ignis was shocked. Noctis had used warp strike to launch himself at Ignis. Noctis buried his face into the crook of Ignis' neck. Ignis was so busy trying to suck air into his lungs that it took him a few moments to realize Noct was talking.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Ignis, I'm sorry…"

He heard heavy footfalls as Gladio and Prompto ran over to them. He held his hand up, stopping them from getting too close.

"Noctis," Ignis whispered. He was alarmed when he realized that he could feel tears where Noct's cheek was pressed against his. He could count exactly how many times he had seen the prince cry. Ignis touched his shoulder. He was careful to avoid touching the scar along Noct's spine. Noctis hated being touched there. "Noctis, what happened?"

"I'm so sorry, Iggy. My fault, all my fault. Wasn't strong enough. Forgive me, forgive me."

Ignis stroked his shoulder, murmuring soft words to him. His eyes locked with Gladio's. Gladio nodded.

"C'mon, Prompto. Let's pack up the camp."

Prompto nodded, glancing back at Noctis and Ignis lying in a tangled heap on the ground. The blonde followed the shield back to the camp and they quickly began to tear the camp down.

Noctis slowly sat up. He was straddling Ignis now, but he could only stare at Ignis' face. His perfect, unmarred, scar free face.

It had worked. He had gone back.

Ignis' eyes widened as Noct's fingers brushed gently over his face. He froze, his body rigid beneath Noct's.

"Highness," he whispered, "are…are you alright?"

Blue eyes pierced his. Noctis rocked back slightly, fingers resting gently on Ignis' high cheekbones.

"Iggy."

"What happened?" Ignis did his best to ignore Noct's fingers dancing over his cheeks. It was very, very distracting, yet also soothing somehow. "Did, did you have a nightmare?"

Noctis laughed, and it raised the hair on the back of Ignis' neck. It sounded half hysterical and half crazed. It chilled him to the bone.

"I guess you could say that, Specs. A nightmare, yeah, that works."

Ignis blinked, staring at him. Noct's face twisted in a sad smile. "Sorry, Iggy," he muttered. He stood up and held his hand out to Ignis. Ignis grasped his hand and allowed the prince to pull him to his feet.

He could finally study the prince up close. It had been a little difficult to look him over when Noctis was curled on top of him. Noctis was pale, and had dark circles under his eyes. Ignis could see the tear tracks running down his cheeks. His eyes were bloodshot and he had a fine film of sweat over his body. His hands trembled slightly. Noct's nipples stood out darkly against his white skin.

Ignis was worried. Noctis rarely got sick, but it looked like he was running a fever and hadn't slept in days. Which was strange, because Ignis knew that Noct had slept the past two nights like a rock; a rock that had half rolled on top of him during the night.

"How do you feel, Highness?" Ignis asked, his eyes sweeping over Noctis again.

"Better, now," Noctis said softly, still staring at Ignis like he hadn't seen the man in years.

"You certainly don't look better."

"But I _feel_ better."

Ignis was silent. He recognized the stubborn set of Noctis' lips and sighed. Noct wouldn't give up anything when he looked like that. Ignis just nodded and brushed leaves and dirt off his jacket and pants. Noctis had the good grace to look embarrassed about that.

"Come," Ignis said, gesturing back to camp. Noctis fell into step next to him, casting glances his way as they walked. Quite frankly, it was starting to freak Ignis out a little, not that he would ever let Noct know that.

They walked into the Haven and Prompto approached them. He handed Noct a bundle of clothes.

"Here's your shirt and jacket. Boots are by that last camp chair, and breakfast."

Noct took them and smiled at Prompto. It felt fake on his face, like he hadn't smiled in a long time, which he hadn't. "Thanks, man."

Noctis walked over to the chair and flopped into it. He pulled his black t-shirt on and pulled the short sleeved jacket on over it. He shoved his feet into his boots and paused. He could feel the ring in his pocket. He closed his eyes briefly, shoving all thoughts about Altissia away.

He stood up and grabbed the plate of breakfast. Sausage of some kind with birdbeast eggs and vegetables. He refused to touch the veggies, but that would come as no surprise to anyone.

The others quickly and efficiently cleaned up the camp. Noct's eyes swept over them. He missed this. He missed the easy comradery they'd had before Altissia and everything had fallen apart. The eggs caught in his throat and he had to blink back sudden tears. He swallowed hard, feeling the eggs stick in his throat like glue. He coughed and snatched Ignis' mug full of Ebony. He downed it, scalding his tongue in the process.

He set the mug down and picked up his fork again. Even cold, the eggs were delicious. He savored the taste. For weeks, all they'd had to eat was that sorry dining car food or cup noodles, because Ignis-

The plate slipped from his hands. He stared at it in horror. It seemed to take forever to reach the ground.

All they could eat was the dining car food because Ignis was blind. Ignis was blind and couldn't cook. Would Ignis ever be able to cook again? Would he ever be able to watch Ignis standing before a stove, mixing ingredients and making delicious food out of whatever was on hand? His heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to rip itself from his chest.

He was on his knees, staring at the eggs. He was having a hard time catching his breath. He felt both hot and cold at once. This was his fault. His fault.

It took him a while to realize that Ignis was on his knees next to him, talking to him. Noct finally tore his gaze away from the scattered eggs and looked at Ignis.

Ignis rocked back slightly on his heels. As soon as he had heard the plate clatter, he'd spun around in time to see Noct hit his knees, a horrified expression on his face. Prompto and Gladio were frozen, both staring at the prince then looking at each other. Ignis had gotten across the camp so quickly Prompto swore he warped across the distance.

Ignis had knelt beside Noctis, his fingers gently touching the back of Noct's neck. Noctis didn't seem to realize he was there. He began whispering soft words to Noctis, trying to get the prince to focus on him, instead of whatever he was seeing.

When Noctis had finally looked at him, Ignis was shocked to see the utter despair in his electric blue eyes. Noct's eyes swam with tears. He was paler than he had been, and Ignis could see his pulse jumping in his throat. He kept his one hand on the back of Noct's neck, and ripped his glove off the other hand with his teeth. He pressed his naked hand against Noctis' forehead. It didn't feel like Noctis was running a fever, but he did feel a little clammy.

"Noctis, can you hear me?"

Noct nodded, his eyes never leaving Ignis'. "I'm okay now, Iggy," he whispered, his heart rate starting to slow.

Ignis looked skeptical, but he removed his hands from the prince and put his glove back on. "We're almost finished packing up camp. Just…just sit here. Drink this." Ignis pushed a bottle of water into Noctis' hands.

Ignis stood up and with one last glance at Noct, returned to help Gladio and Prompto.

"What's up with him?" Gladio asked softly.

Ignis shook his head. "I'm not sure."

"Well, something's definitely wrong with him," Prompto said, looking back at Noct. Noctis raised the water bottle to his lips and took a slow drink. His hands were obviously trembling.

"What's the plan then, Ignis?" Gladio asked, shoving the last camp chair into its bag.

"We're going back to Lestallum."

"We're over four hours outside of Lestallum, though," Prompto said. They had left Lestallum late afternoon the day before.

"I know, but it's the closest major town and I want to be somewhere safe until we figure out what is going on with the prince."

"Do we have enough gil for it?" Gladio said.

"Yes, we should be fine for at least a week. I'm hoping we won't be there that long. Worst case scenario, we go to Cape Caem, but I'd prefer not to have Cor and the others know about this."

"Agreed. Prompto and I will take this stuff to the Regalia. See you there in few." Gladio and Prompto heaved the camping gear onto their shoulders and started walking towards the road.

Ignis bowed his head and turned back to Noctis. The prince hadn't moved. He was still staring at the scattered eggs, caressing the water bottle. Ignis walked over to him and knelt next to him.

"Are you ready, Noct?" Ignis asked softly, his hand coming to rest on Noctis' narrow shoulder.

Noctis glanced up at him, his eyes roaming over Ignis' face. "Yeah, let's go, Iggy."

Ignis held his hand out and pulled Noct to his feet. Noctis walked quietly by his side as they walked to the Regalia. He could feel Ignis' eyes on him, but it was hard to look. To see him as he had been, not as he would be.

Noctis was starting to think that going back in time was a bad idea. He thought it had been hard seeing Ignis scarred and blind. It was almost harder to see him now, perfect and unmarred, green eyes burning behind his narrow glasses. He looked at the ground as they walked, and he could feel the ring in his pocket like a weight.

This had been a mistake.

They reached the Regalia. Gladio and Prompto were leaning against it, talking softly.

"Where are we off to?" Noctis asked, trying to sound normal.

"Back to Lestallum," Ignis said as they all climbed into the car.

"Sounds good," Noctis said.

Gladio and Ignis' eyes met in the rearview mirror. Gladio frowned. Normally, Noctis would say something about turning around and going back to a city they had left the day before, but today he just nodded and stared out over the landscape as Ignis pulled the Regalia out onto the road and flipped a U-turn.

Prompto turned the music on to cover the somewhat strained silence. No one seemed to know what to say. Noctis could feel Ignis' eyes on him, and it made him sad.

He would never feel Ignis' eyes on him again.

#

Noctis felt strange. He wanted to look at Ignis, but at the same time he felt like he would just start screaming if he did. They had been on the road for a little more than hour. The road whipped by, and Noct knew that Ignis was pushing the speed of the Regalia more than usual. He could feel Gladio and Prompto stealing glances at him.

He wished they would stop. Had he gotten so used to being alone that he couldn't stand being with them? He had run to the past to spend time with his friends before everything had shattered, and it felt like that shattered feeling had just followed him into the past.

He figured it meant that he was broken himself, and no matter what he did, he would always feel broken, shattered.

Alone.

"Noct, could you hand me the Ebony please?" Ignis asked.

"Sure thing, Iggy." Noct leaned down and grabbed Ignis' travel mug and handed it to him. Ignis nodded his thanks to Noct and took a sip. Noctis leaned back in his seat and stared at the back of Ignis' head.

His mind went back to Insomnia, and Ignis teaching him to drive. Noctis had been thrilled to finally be allowed on the road. Ignis had driven them out of the city. Noct remembered thinking that Ignis seemed far more at ease and relaxed on the road than he had ever seen him.

"You like driving, Ignis?" Noct had asked.

"Yes, your highness. I find it soothing. It lets me…escape from my duties for a while."

Noct thought he understood. It was one of the reasons he had wanted to go to the public school. It let him escape.

Noctis shook his head and focused on where he was. He looked at Ignis' hand resting on the wheel, his other arm perched on the door, gloved fingers caressing the wind. Even though Ignis kept looking back at Noctis with a worried expression in his eyes, he still seemed more relaxed when he drove.

When he drove.

Oh gods. Noctis sat upright suddenly, a strangled gasp tearing from his throat.

Ignis would never drive again.

Gladio stared at him. Prompto stared at him. Ignis continued to watch the road, but his shoulders were tense, both hands now tight on the wheel.

Ignis would never drive again. He would never again be able to sit in the driver's seat and escape for a while. He would never again be able to feel the wind in his hair and know where he was going because he was behind the wheel. He would forever be at the mercy of someone else. He would never be able to just stand up and go out on his own.

Gladio watched in shock as Noctis' face went completely white. His eyes were wide and he looked awful. The prince grabbed the back of the driver's seat.

"Pull over!" he yelled.

Ignis slammed on the brakes and yanked the wheel hard to the side of the road. Before the Regalia came to a complete stop, Noctis leapt out of the back without opening the door. He put his hands on his knees and threw up.

Ignis threw open the door and was next to Noctis immediately. He touched Noct's shoulder and murmured softly to him. Gladio and Prompto got out of the Regalia and stood by it, unsure of what to do.

Noctis clenched his eyes shut. He could feel tears streaming down his cheeks. Gods, he hated throwing up. Shivers racked his body.

He could hear Ignis' deep voice near his head, talking soothingly to him and his hand stroking his back.

Finally, Noct had nothing left in him. He dry heaved multiple times, and his knees buckled. Ignis' arm shot around his waist and pulled him away from the puddle of vomit. At least he hadn't landed in it. Ignis lowered Noct to the ground and continued to stroke his back.

"Prompto, will you please grab a water bottle?" Ignis asked, glancing up at the other men.

"Sure thing," Prompto opened the trunk and pulled one of the water bottles out of the cooler. He handed it to Ignis and walked back to stand next to Gladio. He glanced up at Gladiolus and frowned.

"What's up with you?" Prompto asked. Gladio looked pissed.

"Ignis is too soft on him," Gladio muttered. Prompto stared at him.

"Dude, he's sick. How is Ignis being soft on him?"

"We don't have time for him to be sick. Ignis is babying him. We should just move on and deal with it."

"When was the last time you were that sick? Not just hurt from some battle injury," Prompto said.

"Never. I don't have time to get sick."

"Yeah? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, big guy, but the rest of us are human. When you feel that bad you don't want to camp in a freaking tent. You want a hot bath, a soft bed, and good sleep."

Gladio scowled. "Ignis is still babying him."

Prompto threw his hands in the air. "Ignis has been his main caretaker for how many years, now? Of course he's worried about Noctis. Ignis could probably tell you every time Noctis has been sick in the past ten years. Noct doesn't get sick, so I think Ignis is doing what needs to be done. A few days either way won't make a difference."

Ignis could hear Prompto and Gladio talking, but he ignored them. They didn't matter to him in that moment. The only thing that mattered was his very ill prince.

"Here," Ignis said, unscrewing the cap and handing the water bottle to Noct, "swish and spit."

"You sound like my dentist," Noctis panted, taking a sip and swishing it around his mouth and spitting it back out. He repeated.

"Yes, well, who took you to all your dentist appointments for the past twelve years or so?" Ignis asked dryly.

"True," Noctis said. He felt…strange, smiling at Ignis. It felt like a betrayal. He wasn't sure who he was betraying, but it didn't feel right. He sat back on his butt and took a bigger drink. He watched Ignis out of the corner of eye, and the concerned look almost made him want to throw up again.

He started to shiver. Ignis was sitting on the ground next to him, staring silently into the trees. Noctis set his water bottle down and stared at the man. His eyes traced Ignis' face; smooth, perfect, unscarred. He wanted to memorize this moment.

It felt like he had always taken Ignis for granted. He'd known that Ignis would always be there, one step behind and to the right of him. Ignis had been there practically as long as Noct could remember. Their relationship hadn't always been easy, but Noct knew that Iggy would be there to pick up the pieces of his life. It had taken Luna's death and Ignis being blinded for him to realize that Ignis could die. He suddenly realized that he didn't know what to do without Ignis.

Ignis turned his head and stopped. Noctis was staring at him intently, eyes sweeping over his face. They stared at each other for a few moments. Ignis had no idea what had caused Noctis to stare at him so intently since he had woken up that morning. Noct must have had some nightmare.

"Do you feel well enough to continue?"

"I think so," Noctis said, finally dropping his eyes from Ignis' face. Ignis climbed to his feet and helped Noct up. Noctis took another sip of water and spit it back out. The eggs had not been near as tasty coming back up. He was still shivering.

"Are you cold?"

"A little."

Ignis frowned. It was fairly warm, and would be getting hotter the closer they got to Lestallum. It wasn't a good sign that Noctis couldn't seem to get warm.

They joined the others. Gladio looked angry about something and Prompto just looked worried about his friend.

Gladio looked at Noctis and Ignis. Noct looked pale and clammy, and he couldn't seem to stop shivering.

"Iggy, why don't you sit in back with Noctis? I'll drive," Gladio said.

Ignis opened his mouth to agree when Noctis lunged forward. "No!"

The other three stared at him.

"No, Gladio! Ignis has to drive. He likes to drive. It helps him escape. He needs to drive." Noctis sounded desperate. Noctis wanted Ignis to have all the driving time he could before…before he couldn't anymore.

Ignis was staring at Noctis in surprise. Noct had remembered him saying that when he had taken the prince to learn to drive? It warmed something in Ignis' chest.

"Alright, Noctis, I'll drive," Ignis said softly. Noctis looked like he was on the verge of throwing up again. Ignis glanced at Prompto. "Can you sit in the back?"

"No prob."

Gladio rolled his eyes. Ignis was way too soft on the prince, and Prompto was just encouraging it. Why couldn't they understand that a king needed to be tough and not be babied by those around him?

"We're still at least two and a half hours out of Lestallum," Gladio said as he got in the car.

"I can make it in an hour," Ignis said somewhat coldly. Gladio's eyebrows shot up. Ignis had always been the type of driver to follow the speed limit exactly. Noctis got into the passenger seat and curled up. He was cold, and he didn't understand why.

Ignis stared down at him for a second, and then took off his leather jacket and quickly tucked it around the prince. Gladio snorted, but got into his seat. Noct pulled Ignis' jacket tighter around him. It smelled like campfires and Ignis' faint cologne. It was comforting.

Ignis dropped into the driver's seat and turned to the others. "Seatbelts on," he said, reaching over and buckling Noctis' himself.

"What?" Prompto asked in surprise, "we never wear seatbelts."

"I am aware of that, Prompto. I'm going to be going too fast to risk not wearing them."

Prompto's eyes were wide. "Oookay. That's not slightly terrifying at all."

Gladio grinned and buckled up. This was going to be fun. Prompto leaned back in the seat and buckled his. Ignis' eyes swept over everyone else, making sure everyone was properly restrained. Then he threw the Regalia into gear and floored it.

Even Gladio was shocked by the speed Ignis nursed from the car. The engine purred, wheels eating the road. Ignis' eyes never left the road. Prompto clung to the door, his eyes wide. The landscape whipped by, and they wouldn't be able to hear themselves talk over the wind.

Noctis kept his eyes closed. He burrowed his nose into Ignis' jacket. His eyes popped open when Ignis drifted the Regalia around a tight corner. He stared at Ignis, his mouth hanging open. He never even expected Ignis could drive like one of Insomnia's greatest race car drivers.

"Shit, Ignis!" Gladio yelled, pushing himself back off of Prompto. "Where in the hell did you learn to drive like that?!"

"Everyone needs a hobby, Gladiolus. You didn't honestly think I spent all my time in meetings and cooking did you?"

"I did," Noctis said, staring at Ignis. Prompto nodded in agreement, his eyes wide. Ignis' eyes moved from person to person in the car, and Noct swore he saw the corner of Ignis' lips curl up in a smirk.

The smirk immediately disappeared as he glanced at Noctis. His eyes darted instantly back to the road. He couldn't afford to be distracted at these speeds. Seatbelts or not, crashing at this speed would kill them.

"You should try to get some rest, Noct," Ignis said, watching the road intently.

Noct glanced back at the others. "Can you put the roof up?"

"Fine with me," Gladio nearly shouted, "I'd like to be able to hear myself think."

Ignis flipped the switch and the Regalia's roof covered them. The silence was heavy for a moment. Prompto looked at Gladio.

"How's my hair?"

"You look like a Havocfang."

"Oh no! My perfect hair!"

Noct couldn't help but smile at Prompto. It felt so utterly normal. Prompto worrying about his hair, Gladio teasing the small blonde, and Ignis driving like a maniac. Well, that part wasn't normal.

It felt like he was an intruder here. This wasn't his Ignis, his Prompto, his Gladio. His Ignis was blind, because of him. His Prompto was silent, and didn't take pictures anymore, and his Gladio hated him.

He pulled Ignis' jacket over his head and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes. The ring burned in his pocket. He angrily wiped tears from his eyes.

He pulled the ring out of his pocket and stared at it under the shadow of Iggy's jacket. It sat in his hand, but he could feel the weight of the ring, of the throne, on his soul. He could feel Luna's arms around him, and Ignis' hand on his back.

He shoved the ring back into his pocket. He was here, and he needed to stop thinking about his past. He was here, and he wanted to stay.

He peeked at Ignis from under the jacket.

He wanted to stay.

The past several weeks of little to no sleep finally caught up with Noctis, and he drifted to sleep, the comforting smell of Ignis' jacket lingering around him like magic.


	3. Then (Again)

AN: So I know I said that the smut would be in this chapter, but it just got too long again. So, chapter four will be the smut. I promise. Also, Gladio is kind of a jerk in this chapter, fair warning. Mentions the Party of Three chapter in the game, and for the purpose of this story, Gladio left them for 2 months.

Let me know what you think of this chapter! I love reading reviews.

FFXV belongs to Square Enix. Not beta-ed, all mistakes my own.

Then

 _Noctis spun. He stood in the middle of field. He was clearly in Tenebrae; the flowers made that obvious. The rich scent wrapped around him, taking him back to afternoons with Luna…_

 _Luna._

 _His heart was in his throat. The last time he had seen this field, these flowers, Luna had given him the ring, and had left him. Left him alone._

 _He looked into the distance. He could see the arched stone that surrounded Royal Tombs. That was strange. He didn't think there was a tomb in Tenebrae. There was someone sitting on a bench outside of it. He started running._

 _It was Luna. She looked sad and beautiful. He white blonde hair hung down around her shoulders, and the white dress she had worn to face Leviathan was spotless. Noctis froze. The last time he had seen that dress, it had been turning red._

" _Luna?" he whispered. She ignored him. He swallowed. In his entire life, Luna had never ignored him. Maybe she couldn't hear him._

 _Luna's hands were clasped in her lap. She seemed to be waiting for someone. Noctis wondered if she was waiting for him._

 _He reached out to touch her shoulder when her head came up and she smiled. She stood up and Noctis turned to watch her._

 _His heart stopped for a moment. Ignis was making his way slowly towards the Royal Tomb. His cane tapped the ground carefully, and his free hand was out. His lips were in a tight line._

 _No. No, Ignis couldn't be here. If Ignis was here…_

" _Iggy?" Noctis whispered. He ran to intercept Ignis. He passed Luna and reached out to embrace Ignis. His hand came up to touch Ignis' chest…_

 _And he passed straight through his advisor. He stopped, staring at his hands in horror. He spun in time to see Luna stopping in front of Ignis and clasping his free hand._

" _I have been waiting for you, Ignis Scientia."_

 _Ignis tilted his head away from her, as if he didn't want her to see the scars._

" _Lady Lunafreya. I would say it is a pleasure to see you, but I'm afraid I can't see."_

 _Noctis felt the bile rise in his throat. How could Ignis say that? How could Ignis be here?_

 _Luna smiled and kissed the back of Ignis' hand. He twitched in surprise. "There is no need to hide, Ignis."_

 _Ignis sighed and turned his face back to her. She reached up and pulled his dark glasses off. Her fingers brushed over his scars. Ignis curled back._

" _You said you were waiting for me?"_

" _Yes, Ignis. It was only right that I greet you before you step through the gate."_

" _No," Noctis whispered. He stood next to them, but separate from them. Neither of them paid any attention to him. He felt so alone._

" _The gate?"_

 _Luna gestured back towards the Royal Tomb. He tilted his head, his sightless eyes looking into the distance._

" _I…I don't want to leave him."_

 _Luna cupped his cheek. "I know. Neither did I."_

" _I'm right here!" Noctis cried. They ignored him._

" _Why…why must I leave?"_

" _You have done your duty, Ignis. You got Noctis to where he needed to be."_

" _I…"_

" _I know, Ignis."_

" _I'm dead?"_

 _Luna bowed her head. "Yes."_

" _NO!" Noctis screamed, reaching out to Ignis._

 _Ignis gave a wordless cry and fell to his knees. Luna embraced him, holding him tightly and running her hands over his back. In the back of his mind, Noct realized that Luna had held him like that before she had died. Noctis dropped to the ground next to them. He had tears running down his face. Ignis couldn't be dead. He_ couldn't _be dead._

" _Ignis," Luna touched Ignis' chin and raised his face. "Ignis, do you know the one thing that survives death?"_

" _No, Lady Lunafreya."_

 _Luna touched the scars gently. Noct bit back a cry of amazement as Ignis' scars receded into his skin. Green eyes blinked down at Luna. He looked at her, tears running from unmarred green eyes._

 _She smiled at him. "Love, Ignis. Always love."_

 _Ignis' eyes closed. His body shuddered._

" _Ignis, what we did for him, we both did out of love."_

" _I left him!" Ignis said, his voice cracking. "I swore I would never leave him, and…and…" Ignis couldn't finish._

" _Shhh, my friend. I swear to you, you will find him again, in this life, or in the next. My word as Oracle."_

" _No, Ignis," Noctis whispered, watching in horror as Luna helped Ignis to his feet. Noctis couldn't move. "No, Iggy, I can't do this alone. I can't do this without you!"_

 _Ignis' cane rested before Noctis. He didn't need it anymore. Ignis held his arm out to Luna. She smiled up at him and rested her arm through his._

" _King Regis is waiting to thank you," Luna said._

" _But…I failed. I failed in my duty."_

" _You did not fail, Ignis," Luna said as they began to walk towards the Royal Tomb. "You love him, and that means you couldn't fail him."_

 _Ignis was silent as they approached the gate. "I never told him."_

" _Neither did I," Luna said softly. "But I believe he knew. I believe he knew that we both loved him."_

 _She stopped them both before the gate. "It's time, Ignis."_

" _NO!" Noctis yelled, lunging to his feet. "You can't have him! Not him! Please, Luna!"_

 _He ran after them, but he didn't seem to get any closer. "Ignis! Ignis, I'm sorry! Please, you have to forgive me! My fault, it's all my fault!"_

" _Remember, Ignis. Love goes on after death."_

" _Love," Ignis whispered, staring up at the gate._

" _Always love."_

 _Noctis cried out in horror as Luna and Ignis disappeared in whirlwind of blue flowers._

" _IGNIS!"_

 **FFXV**

Silence had fallen in the Regalia after Noct had pulled Ignis' jacket over his head. Prompto was too scared to open his mouth. He had never moved so fast in his life. Gladio stared out the window, chin propped in his hand.

Ignis kept his hands on the wheel, purposely not looking at Noctis sleeping next to him. He could not afford to be distracted at this speed.

Prompto saw a sign whip by and whistled. "Damn, Ignis, we're less than 30 miles Lestallum. We've been driving for less than half an hour!"

Gladio looked at Prompto, then at the speedometer. "Shit, Ignis, remind me never to challenge you to a race."

"Is this why you always kick our asses at chocobo racing too?" Prompto asked. "You're secretly a speed daemon?" Prompto pulled his camera out and snapped a picture over Ignis' shoulder of the dash. "Now we can show Noct."

"Put your seatbelt back on, Prompto," Ignis said.

"Uh, right."

Silence fell again, but it was more comfortable this time. After about ten minutes, Ignis could hardly ignore Noct shifting under his jacket.

"No," he heard Noctis' voice. "No, Luna!"

Prompto leaned forward. "Is he dreaming?"

"Seatbelt on, Prompto. Please don't make me ask again," Ignis said. He did ease off the accelerator slightly. The Regalia was still hurtling down the road, but a little slower than before. Prompto leaned back with a sigh and buckled his seatbelt back up.

"IGNIS!" Noct screamed, sitting straight up. His eyes were still closed.

Ignis slammed on the brakes in surprise. They locked up. The Regalia fishtailed wildly before settling into a full spin.

"We're gonna diiiiieeee!" Prompto yelled, closing his eyes against the landscape whipping by in circles. He was very glad he had put his seatbelt back on.

"Shut up, Prompto!" Gladio cried, clinging to the door. Noctis was still screaming Ignis' name. He didn't seem aware of where he was.

"Shit!" Ignis snarled, turning the wheel into the spin. It seemed to take an eternity for the Regalia to come to a halt across both lanes of the road.

"No! You can't have him! Not him!" Noctis sobbed, struggling against the seatbelt. Ignis unbuckled his own seatbelt and leaned across and quickly undid Noct's.

"Ignis! Ignis!"

"Noct," Gladio bellowed, "wake up!"

Ignis grabbed Noctis' arms. "Your Highness, you must wake up!"

"Ignis, Ignis," Noctis was practically sobbing his name.

"What's wrong with him?" Prompto whispered. Gladio reached over the seat and shook Noctis hard.

Noctis' eyes flew open. He looked around wildly.

"Noctis, can you hear me?" Ignis said.

"Ignis?" Noct's blue eyes were wide, shocked. He stared at Ignis, his chest heaving. Then he grabbed Ignis' hand. "You're okay?"

Ignis hid his flinch. Noctis was clinging to his hand so hard that he could feel the bones in his hand grinding together.

"I'm fine, Noctis."

Noctis stared at him. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Ignis had no idea what he was apologizing for. He had been apologizing to Ignis all morning, and Ignis was getting more and more worried.

Prompto leaned forward. "What were you dreaming about?"

Noctis looked at him, then at Gladio, then back at Ignis. "I don't remember," he lied.

"Can we just get to Lestallum?" Gladio asked, leaning back into his seat. "Maybe at a more reasonable speed?"

Noctis took a deep breath. The dream had seemed so real, and yet Ignis was sitting next to him, his hand clenched between Noctis' own. He was alive. Ignis hadn't left, wouldn't leave him.

 _Yet_ , a nasty little voice in his head whispered.

Ignis' eyes roved over Noctis' face. He was still pale, and Ignis could see fresh tear tracks on his cheeks. "How are you feeling, Noctis?"

"I…I don't know."

"You look like shit," Gladio said. Ignis shot him a dirty look over the center console. Gladio snorted at the look on Ignis' face. "What? He does. Sorry, princess."

"You've looked bad all morning, Noct," Prompto said.

"I'll be fine if I can just sleep," Noctis muttered. _I'll be fine if I can just stay here. If I can keep them from going to Altissia. I'll be fine as long as I keep Ignis safe._

"Then let us continue to Lestallum," Ignis said, trying to untangle his hand from Noctis'. Noct's hand tightened. Ignis finally relented and let Noct keep a hold of him. Gladio rolled his eyes and turned his head towards the window.

He couldn't believe that Ignis was catering to Noctis' wants as much as he was. When would Ignis figure out that Noctis needed to be goaded, not babied? Gladio didn't believe that Noctis needed to hold Ignis' hand. He didn't believe that Noct needed to go back to Lestallum. They should just continue on. Noctis could soldier through whatever was wrong with him, and they could gather the gil they would need in Altissia.

"Dang," Prompto said, glancing out the window. "The weather around here is crazy. One second it's sunny, the next, pouring down rain." He was right; it had just started raining.

He looked at Ignis. "Ignis, please, please, pretty please drive slower in the rain!"

"That's actually a good idea, Ignis," Gladio said. Ignis shot him another dirty look.

Without a word, Ignis turned and took the wheel in his free hand. He spun the wheel and slowly pressed the accelerator down. The Regalia moved smoothly down the road.

Noctis leaned his head against the window. He realized that he was mirroring the position Ignis had sat in on the train. His hand tightened around Ignis', and Ignis flipped his hand over so Noctis could lace their fingers together.

Noct glanced at Ignis, but the older man was staring resolutely out the windshield. He squeezed Ignis' hand and Ignis' lips curled into a soft smile.

The windshield wipers were the only sound in the Regalia. Noct continued to stare at Ignis. He was safe. He was whole.

Ignis' bare thumb traced circles on the back of Noctis' hand. No one said a word.

 **FFXV**

Less than 30 minutes later, Ignis parked the Regalia at Lestallum. The rain was coming down harder than ever, turning everything a pallid grey. It matched Noctis' mood. If he had to be depressed, shouldn't the world reflect his mood?

Ignis squeezed Noct's hand and Noctis reluctantly let go of him. The four of them got out of the car. Prompto walked to the trunk and opened it, pulling out their small go-bags with a few extra clothes in them.

"Grab the stuff that needs mending," Ignis told him. If they were going to be in a hotel for a few days, he could at least get caught up on the mending. As much time as they spent on the road was hell on their clothing.

"Got it," Prompto said, digging through the trunk until he found another bag.

Noctis pulled Ignis' jacket around him. The rain had cooled everything off, and Noct still felt cold. He could feel Gladio's eyes on him, but he didn't look up. He could feel the displeasure rolling off the bigger man, and to Noct, it felt almost normal. Gladio had been so…angry and distant since Lestallum that having this Gladio be mad at him felt right.

Noctis hated that having Gladio mad at him was his new normal.

They each picked up their bags and trudged across the street to the small city. People were still out in droves, rain be damned. They reached the hotel in silence. They were soaked through, and Ignis was worried about Noctis.

The prince had his head bowed and Ignis' leather jacket wrapped tightly around him. Rain dripped down his face.

"Ah, welcome back," the man behind the desk said as they walked in. "I wasn't expecting you back so soon."

"We ran into trouble on the road," Ignis said, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and quickly cleaning the rain spots from his glasses.

"Of course, sir. The suite you stayed in before is still available. Would that work?"

"That will be fine. We'll be staying for at least two nights," Ignis handed over the gil. The man nodded and handed over four key cards. Ignis passed them to the others and picked up his bags. They walked up a few flights of stairs until they reached the suite at the top of the hotel.

Prompto unlocked the door and pushed it open. The others piled in and he kicked the door closed. The suite had a small common area and two bedrooms. It even had a small kitchen.

Ignis carried his bags to the corner room and noticed Noctis just standing there, staring blankly into space. Ignis paused.

"Your Highness, please come with me," he said.

Noct's eyes snapped to his face. He nodded and shuffled after his advisor. He felt like he was moving through a fog. Everything (everyone) felt so distant. It was like he was standing on one side of a chasm and shouting across it to the others.

Gladio turned with a snort and dropped his bag in the other room. Prompto followed him silently.

In the other room, Ignis dropped his bags and turned to Noctis. "Sit, your highness."

"Can you…just call me Noctis?" Noct asked softly, staring at his feet. He didn't want Ignis to distance himself.

Ignis was silent for a moment. "Of course, Noctis."

Noctis dropped onto the other bed. He couldn't stop shivering. Ignis knelt in front of Noctis and began to unlace the prince's boots. Noctis watched him dully as Ignis pulled off his boots and set them carefully aside.

"You should take the jacket off," Ignis said softly.

Noctis clutched it tighter to him, his eyes widening.

"Why?"

"It's soaked."

Noctis looked down. His heart was in his throat. He felt like if he let go of the jacket, he would disappear from the world. It was anchoring him, soothing him. He felt his heartrate rocket again.

Ignis frowned. He watched as Noctis curled in on himself, fingers tightening around the lapels of the jacket. To Ignis, it looked like Noctis was on the verge of a panic attack.

Another panic attack, Ignis realized. Finally able to look back on the events of the day, he realized that Noctis had had several panic attacks that day. It worried Ignis.

When Noct was younger, after the daemon attack that had nearly killed him, the prince had been beset with panic attacks. Ignis had lost count of how many times he had woken up in the palace with the young prince curled up beside him.

Eventually, the prince had stopped coming to his room. The panic attacks had stopped. Ignis wondered what had brought them back with sudden, horrifying speed. He sighed. If Noctis needed his jacket, then he could have it.

"Alright, Noct."

Noctis relaxed, his body slowly straightening back out. He looked up at Ignis through his eyelashes.

"You need to sleep, Noct."

Noctis took a shuddering breath. "I know. I…"

"Nightmares?"

Noctis nodded. It wasn't like he could tell Ignis that it wasn't really nightmares. It was reality that kept him sleeping. It was the heavy weight of the Ring of the Lucii in his pocket. It was knowing that Noctis had failed and Ignis' life was completely changed because of it.

It was the guilt that would keep him awake. Every night was the same. He turned the events of Altissia over in his mind, second guessing himself and wondering what he could have done differently.

Wondering if he could've saved Luna and Ignis.

He angrily blinked back tears. He was so tired of crying. Tears couldn't change what happened. He gasped when he felt Ignis touch the top of his head gently. Ignis didn't say anything. He just stood there, his fingers gently moving through Noctis' hair.

Ignis didn't know what was plaguing Noctis, but to him it didn't matter. Noctis was in pain, and Ignis was helpless to make it go away. He could heal physical wounds, but he had the feeling that whatever had wounded the prince was internal.

"Lie down, Noctis. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

Gladio would say he was babying Noctis again. Ignis thought Gladio could go kick rocks. Barefoot.

Noctis sank into the bed and Ignis pulled the blanket over him. Noct was still wearing his jacket. Ignis sat on the edge of the bed and gently placed his hand back on Noct's head. He stroked the prince's black hair.

Noct could hear the rain pounding down outside. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel of Ignis' fingers in his hair. His breathing slowed, and he thought he heard Ignis singing softly.

Part of him wanted to stay awake; it was so rare to hear Ignis sing. But the feel of Ignis' fingers in his hair, the smell of Ignis' jacket and the sound of Ignis' voice lulled him to a dreamless sleep.

 **FFXV**

Ignis stayed until he was sure Noctis was deeply asleep. The prince was breathing steadily, his face completely relaxed. He finally stood up and ran his hand through his own hair. He felt frazzled, not a feeling he enjoyed.

He glanced at the bag full of clothes waiting to be mended and walked back into the common room. Prompto was sitting on the couch, looking at pictures he had taken.

Gladio was sitting in one of the chairs and he watched as Ignis walked slowly to the small kitchen and set the Ebony to brew. His eyes were narrow.

"So, you get him to sleep? Hold his hand, sing him a lullaby?"

Ignis closed his eyes, dropping his chin to his chest. "Are we really going to do this right now?"

Prompto looked between them, an uneasy feeling rising in his stomach.

"Yeah, I think now seems like a great time, Ignis."

"Fine. Speak your mind."

Gladio stood up and started pacing. Prompto watched him silently.

"You can't keep babying him, Ignis. If he's going to be king, he has to be able to stand on his own. You can't be there to constantly wipe his ass and make sure he pisses in the toilet. He needs to be his own man."

"I am not babying him," Ignis' voice was as cold as Prompto had ever it, "I am doing my job, my duty."

Gladio snorted, stopping before Ignis with his hands on his hips. "With you around, he'll never need to learn to stand on his own."

"He's doing a fine job. He will be king, Gladiolus, when he is ready."

"He'll never be ready!"

Ignis slammed his fist on the counter, spinning to face Gladio. "Do you think King Regis was ready when he was Noctis' age? Do you think he sprang up fully ready to be the king?"

"I don't think King Regis had an official ass wiper, that's for damn sure."

"Gladio!" Prompto said, rising from the couch.

"Shut it, blondie, this is between the real members of the Crownsguard," Gladio snapped.

"Prompto has earned his place among the Crownsguard," Ignis growled. "He has remained steadfast and loyal since the beginning."

"What the hell does that mean? Are you doubting my loyalty?" Gladio looked so incredibly angry that Prompto took a step back.

"YOU LEFT!" Ignis bellowed. Prompto flinched. He had never heard Ignis sound like that. Prompto looked between the two older men. He imagined this was what it felt like to watch parents fight.

Gladio's eyes widened, and he actually took a step back. He had known Ignis from the time the other man had come to the Citadel as a boy, and he had never seen this side of him. Ignis had always been the image of self-control. Now, Ignis' cheeks were flushed, his eyes sparkled dangerously, and his fists were clenched at his side.

"You left," Ignis repeated, breathing hard. "You left him for two months to do what? Become a solo hunter?"

"I had some things to figure out! You didn't seem to mind at the time."

"I thought you meant a couple of days, not a couple of months!"

"That's what you're pissed about?" Gladiolus said incredulously. "So I left! I had to figure out who I was without being attached to the crown! Maybe you should try it, see who you are when you're not coddling the prince. Become your own man."

"I am my own man."

Gladio snorted. "Everything you do is at the behest of the boy prince. You wouldn't know what to do if you had a day to yourself. Plus, you guys made it just fine."

"No thanks to you," Ignis said softly.

"It sucked, Gladio," Prompto said softly. "Ignis was nearly killed."

Gladio sucked in a surprised breath and stared at Ignis. "Seriously? And you guys didn't say anything?"

"You weren't here," Ignis said, turning back to the coffee. "It was of no concern to you." Ignis placed his hands on the counter and bowed his head.

"You are supposed to be the king's shield. Our last request from King Regis was to remain by his side, and you left."

Gladio sighed and turned away, running his hands through his hair. "And you didn't."

"I am Noctis' sworn sword, Gladio. His advisor, mentor, and I hope, friend. I can't, I won't leave him."

Gladio looked at the back of Ignis' head. "How did you almost die?"

"Cockatrice," Prompto said, answering for Ignis. "Slashed his back, poisoned him. We were trying to hunt it, but with only three of us…"

"Why would you try to hunt something like that?"

"We were out of gil," Ignis said shortly, "and strangely enough, all the lower level hunts were being done by a solo hunter."

"Out of curatives too," Prompto said. "Ignis has scars on his back that rival yours."

Gladio took a deep breath. "Look, Ignis, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I left you guys high and dry, but I had to figure some shit out."

"Did you?" Prompto asked.

Gladio looked at him. "Did I what?"

"Figure it out?"

Gladio looked back at Ignis. Even though Ignis had his back to him, he could see the tension in the tall man's shoulders.

"Yeah, I did," Gladio said softly. "I'm the king's shield, and I realized that I needed to be here to be the kick in the ass he needs sometimes. Just like Ignis needs to be here to take care of him. I guess I just wasn't smart enough to figure that out while I was with you guys."

Ignis stiffly poured himself a mug of Ebony. He turned to face Gladio; his eyes were still hard. "I hear your apology, but I am not the one you need apologize to."

Ignis walked slowly to the room he was sharing with Noctis. He paused at the threshold, staring at the dark liquid in his mug.

"You do realize that Noct wanted to be just like you when he was a boy? He wanted to be as strong as you, as good with a sword. He talked about your training sessions all the time. He's a good man, Gladio. Look at how far he's come." Ignis felt a solitary tear roll down his cheek. "He will be king, and he will need all of us. I don't know what he has been dreaming of to cause him to get this sick, but I will not push him faster or further than necessary. I need you not to second guess me, Gladiolus."

"I…I understand, Ignis. He will be king, a great king."

"Because we're here for him," Prompto said softly. He felt a little like he was butting in where he wasn't wanted, but he had to say it.

"Ignis," Gladio called just as Ignis was about to step through the door, "has he had nightmares like this before?"

Ignis looked at him, his eyes glinting behind his glasses. "Yes."

Gladio frowned. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

Ignis tilted his head to the side. "You never gave me the chance."

He shut the door, leaving Gladio and Prompto standing in silence. Prompto looked uncomfortable. Gladio looked at him.

"I'm sorry, Prompto. I didn't mean what I said earlier. You are one of us."

Prompto nodded slowly. "Thanks, big guy." He looked at the closed door and then back at Gladio. "Why don't we go get food for everyone? I don't think Ignis is going to feel up to cooking tonight."

Gladio sighed, knowing that he had screwed up, not just today, but when he had left them for two months. "Yeah, sounds like a plan. I think Ignis might put a dagger in me if I bother either one of them tonight."

"Just make sure I'm there to get a picture," Prompto said as they walked out of the hotel room.

 **FFXV**

On the other side of the door to the room shared by Ignis and Noctis, Ignis slid down to the floor and set his mug of Ebony on the carpet next to him. He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on his legs.

And then he wept.


	4. Then (chapter 4)

AN: So, I know I promised smut in this chapter, but it got pushed back again. I wanted to do it justice, so it gets its own chapter. Thanks for the reviews and follows. Let me know what you think of this chapter. This story is cross posted on AO3. I generally update there first.

FFXV is not mine, belongs to Square Enix. not beta-ed, mistakes are mine.

Then

Ignis took a deep breath and looked at Noctis. He was still asleep, and Ignis was glad to see that. Ignis pulled his glasses off and wiped his eyes. He hated crying. It was a sign of weakness, and Ignis was always the strong one.

He'd always had to be. Since the time the prince was three, Ignis had been there, watching out for him. He leaned his head back against the door, glasses hanging loosely in his hand. The room was blurry, which matched Ignis' feelings. He felt like he was adrift.

His eyes burned as he thought back to the argument with Gladio. He hadn't meant to yell at him. He hadn't meant to let slip how angry he had been with Gladiolus when the man had left. Everything had been going pretty well since Gladio had come back. Ignis had kept his feelings buried deep.

Just like he always had.

He had heard the whispers in the Citadel. There goes Ignis Scientia; he's so unemotional he must be a magitek soldier.

He never knew if anyone else had heard the whispers, and he never asked. He didn't want to know. He did his duty.

Gods, was Gladio right?

No, he couldn't be. Ignis was his own man. He was happy with his life, wasn't he? He was content as advisor and chamberlain to the future king of Lucis.

He looked up at Noctis' blurry form again. The familiar ache returned to his chest. Part of him wanted to put his glasses back on so he could see his prince clearly, but the other part of him just wanted to sit and let the blurry world close in on him.

How long had it been since he realized he loved Noctis? Years. It had snuck up on him suddenly. He had been standing in Noctis' kitchen, watching Noct and Prompto do homework when he had realized it.

That was when he threw himself into his driving. Sneaking away in the night to push the limits of the Crownsguard vehicles. He drove like a maniac, half hoping to crash and die. He had finally compartmentalized his feelings, folding them deep beneath the surface. Ignis the magitek soldier.

Ignis shook his head and crammed his glasses back on his face. He needed to do something, anything, to get out of his head. He lurched to his feet, and began pacing the length of the small room.

Noctis stirred slightly, and Ignis froze. He didn't want the prince to wake up. Noctis needed sleep.

Ignis glanced at the mending. He wouldn't be able to sit and fix everything with the thoughts warping around his mind. Maybe if he could work himself into exhaustion he would be able to concentrate.

He sat on the edge of the empty bed and pulled his boots off. He set them carefully on the floor and peeled his socks off. He folded them, even though they would need cleaned. He detested leaving clothing strewn around the room. He pulled his gloves off and carefully set them on the bedside table.

Ignis stood up and quickly unbuttoned his shirt. He folded the purple leopard print shirt and set it on the end of the bed. He turned and stalked to the center of the room, his toes curling into the carpet. He made sure that Noctis was still asleep, and he began to stretch.

He closed his eyes, pushing his arms through the air. He concentrated on the feel of his muscles. He moved slowly, willing his muscles to start burning. Ignis went up on his toes, lifted one leg, sliced the air with his hands.

His eyes opened and he started moving faster. His back was tight, but that was normal since the cockatrice had nearly killed him. He had three long scars running from the point of his left shoulder to his right hip. Cor had done what he could, but the delay in getting him treated had left the scars as a permanent reminder that they weren't as strong without the four of them together.

Ignis punched the air angrily, imagining his fists connecting his Gladio's face. He really shouldn't be imagining that sort of thing. His fists pummeled the space in front of him. He whirled, kicking out.

He spun, kicking behind him and to the side. He had a fine sheen of sweat along his body. The faster he went, the quieter his mind got. He pivoted on one leg, his other striking invisible opponents.

Ignis kicked up one last time, his right leg going straight up above his head. He kept it there, feeling the stretch down the back of his thigh, over his buttocks and down into the other leg.

He fell forward, dropping into a spilt. He leaned over, touching his forehead to his knee. He was breathing hard. He closed his eyes as he shifted, bringing both legs together and lowering his chest to the carpet.

He pressed his palms into the carpet and levered his body straight into the air. His glasses dangled off his face, and he cursed himself for forgetting to take them off. He curled his toes in the air and scissored his legs back and forth a few times.

He brought his legs together and stayed like that; perfectly balanced on his palms, legs straight in the air, head down. He could feel the blood rushing to his head, but he wanted to remain like this. He wanted to collapse. His muscles burned, and he half hoped that his body would combust.

Noctis opened one eye and then another. He blinked tiredly. Ignis was shirtless and doing a handstand in the middle of the room. Noctis could clearly see the scar and the way Ignis' back muscles were constricted. His body shone with sweat, and his glasses were hanging precariously from his ears.

Noct stared at his advisor. When Ignis was fully dressed, it was easy to forget that he had been working on his physique since the age of 15, when he had officially began training with the Royal Guard. He was a first rate gymnast and Ignis had trained with his father's Glaives more than once. He was just about evenly matched with Gladio. Noctis smiled at the memory of the first time Ignis had taken Gladio down in training.

Ignis shifted his weight slightly, lifting one hand slowly. Noct's eyes widened. He had never seen Gladio do that. He felt a wave of guilt. Would Ignis still be able to do this after-

No, Noctis refused to think of Altissia now.

Noctis watched as Ignis straightened his free arm. Noct could see his weight bearing arm trembling. He watched a bead sweat roll from Ignis' waistband, down his spine, slithering along the scar to drip off his shoulder. He had a sudden image of his tongue following that bead of sweat and he quickly shook his head. That wasn't what he had come back for.

Ignis lowered his arm and lifted the other. Noctis could hear Ignis breathing hard and could see his ribcage expanding. Even as hard as the man was breathing, everything was perfectly controlled.

Suddenly, Ignis placed both palms on the carpet and shoved off the ground, flipping into a standing position. His glasses had slipped off and rested on the carpet. Ignis bent down to pick them up.

"You're really good at that," Noctis said softly.

Ignis froze for a second, his fingers wrapping around the thin frames of his glasses.

"You should try to get more sleep," Ignis said, pushing his glasses back on. They slid down his nose almost immediately. He was covered in sweat. He pushed them back up with a huff.

Noctis sat up, pulling Ignis' jacket back around him.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Ignis asked, walking to the bathroom and grabbing a hand towel. He took his glasses back off and wiped his face.

"Nah," Noctis said, his eyes sweeping Ignis' body. Would Ignis have new scars after Altissia?

Ignis paused, unsure of what to do with Noctis' eyes moving up and down his body.

"Your highness-"

"You said you'd call me Noctis."

Ignis sighed, "Noctis, please. You need sleep."

Noctis leaned back, burying his nose in the collar of Ignis' jacket. "Where are the others?"

Ignis stiffened and turned away. Noctis frowned. That was weird.

"As long as Gladio isn't in this room, I don't care," Ignis said coldly. Noctis tilted his head.

"What happened?"

Ignis bowed his head. "Gladio and I…had words."

"You argued?" Noctis said, suddenly wishing he had been there for that.

Ignis toweled the sweat off his chest and threw the towel over his neck. "Yes."

"Huh."

Ignis sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed. "It was nothing."

"Clearly. That's why you worked yourself into such a hot mess."

Ignis' eyebrows shot up. He stood back up and started pacing again. Noctis watched. Ignis wasn't so much walking as damn near dancing across the room. It was distracting.

"You only got about an hour of sleep, Noctis. You really should try to go back to sleep."

Noctis dropped back to the pillows. He really was exhausted. He always slept better when Ignis was near, and he wondered if that was one of the reasons he hadn't been sleeping. Gladio hadn't let Ignis be alone with him since Altissia. He watched through half closed eyes as Ignis started a cool down routine.

Noctis drifted in and out. Ignis was silent as he moved his body in a perfectly controlled fashion. Noctis realized that Ignis was always in perfect control.

"Will you sing?" Noctis asked quietly. Ignis paused mid-stretch.

"Of course, your hi-Noctis."

Noctis' lips curled into a smile as Ignis' low voice started weaving around the room.

"Your Noctis," he muttered. He thought he heard Ignis pause in his singing, but sleep pulled him under like a wave.

FFXV

Ignis sang softly as he stretched. He had heard what Noctis had said, and his mind was whirling. Whatever calmness he had found before Noct had woken up had fled instantly. Gods above, he wished Noctis was his.

He finally stopped and stared at the prince. Noctis was breathing evenly. His color looked better than it had all day. He seemed to be sleeping easily, no nightmares at that moment.

Ignis ran his fingers through his hair. He could feel sweat gelling on his body. He needed a shower. He walked to his bag and pulled out a pair of cotton pants and a tank top. He glanced back at Noctis. Still asleep.

He walked into the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. His chest glistened with sweat and he had circles under his eyes. He looked damn near as tired as Noctis. He left the door open so he would be able to hear if the prince woke up.

Ignis pulled his pants off and folded them. He set his glasses on the counter and turned on the shower and stepped into the tub. He stood under the hot stream of water. He closed his eyes and started taking deep breaths.

His mind was still reeling from Noctis' words earlier.

"Your Noctis," he had said.

Ignis sighed. "If only," he muttered.

He grabbed the soap and scrubbed his body red. He dropped the soap and bowed his head, the water plastering his hair to his forehead. He stood under the water until it started to cool.

Ignis turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. He toweled himself dry and pulled on his sleep pants. He yanked the tank top down and put his glasses back on. He rarely wore tank tops to bed anymore. Ever since Gladio had come back he had slept in an oversized shirt. He hadn't wanted to deal with Gladiolus' questions about the scars.

He turned the bathroom lights off and went back out into the room. Noctis was sprawled on his stomach, Ignis' jacket covering his head. Ignis walked over his bed and pulled out the things that needed mended.

He sat cross legged on the bed and pulled one of Prompto's shirts to him. He licked the thread and stuck it through the eye of the needle. He began to sew, his mind drifting, images of Noct warping across his brain.

FFXV

Noctis poked his head out from underneath Ignis' jacket. It was still daylight, but it looked like it was still raining. He sat up and glanced over to the other bed. Ignis was sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed, a pair of Noct's pants across his lap, needle flashing in the light.

He stretched. "How long was I out?"

Ignis glanced up at him. "Four hours."

Noctis looked surprised. He hadn't slept that long since Altissia. Noctis pulled Ignis' jacket around his shoulders and stood up. Ignis paused in his sewing.

"Just going to the bathroom."

"Please wash your hands before handling that jacket," Ignis said dryly.

Noctis snorted as he walked into the bathroom. Iggy would be worried about that. He poked his head out. "There any food?"

Ignis set down his sewing. "Let me check. Please wait here."

"Sure thing, Iggy." It felt like the most normal conversation Noct had had since he had come back.

Ignis stood up as Noctis shut the bathroom door. He paused at the door to the common area. He hoped that Gladio and Prompto weren't there.

No such luck.

Prompto was sitting on the couch, head tilted back. He opened his eyes as Ignis walked out. Gladio was sitting at the table, reading. He glanced up at Ignis.

Ignis headed for the small kitchen.

"There's food for you and Noct in the fridge," Prompto said. "It just needs to be reheated. I didn't think you'd want to cook tonight."

Ignis bowed slightly. "That was very thoughtful of you, Prompto. Thank you."

Gladio watched as Ignis pointedly ignored him. He frowned. It had been a long time since he had seen Ignis in a tank top. His eyes widened when Ignis walked by and Gladio got his first look at the scars across his back.

His stomach twisted on itself. He wore his own scars proudly, but Ignis had never shown them until today. He wondered what they meant to Ignis. Gladio wondered if the scars reminded Ignis of him leaving. He watched as Ignis pulled out the meals Prompto had bought earlier that day and stuck them in the microwave.

Prompto could feel the tension in the air between Gladio and Ignis. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. This road trip had started so innocently. Just go to Altissia, get Noctis married. And then Insomnia had fallen, and everything had gone tits up.

Ignis pulled the plates out of the microwave and grabbed some silverware and two drinks. He started to head back to his room.

"Is Noctis doing better?" Gladio asked softly.

Ignis paused. "He seems to be. He got about four hours of sleep. I'm hoping he can get more."

"That's good, Ignis. Prompto and I won't bother you guys."

Ignis took a deep breath. They were being formal with each other, but if that's what it took, Ignis would accept it.

"Thank you, Gladio. I think we could all use a couple of days of rest."

"I agree," Prompto said. "A few nights in a hotel without having to worry about daemons or bugs. Sounds heavenly."

"Well, you and I are going to the market tonight. There's a dart board near the tipster. It's on," Gladio said. Prompto grinned at him. Ignis slipped back into his room, shutting the door gently behind him and drowning out their gentle ribbing.

Noctis was sitting on the edge of his bed with Ignis' jacket on. He was staring at his bare feet, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. Ignis nearly dropped the plates.

"Noctis!"

He looked up at Ignis and wiped his eyes. "Sorry, Specs. What's for dinner?"

Ignis sat down beside him and handed him the plate. "Prompto bought it. Are you okay?"

Noctis twirled some noodles around his chopsticks. "I'll be fine, Speccy."

Noctis shoved the food in his mouth. He had walked out of the bathroom and it had hit him all over again. Even though he knew, he _knew_ , that Ignis was in the other room, his heart had started beating rapidly, he had started sweating, and he had started shaking. Ignis was gone. Ignis was blind and it was his fault.

Noctis had stumbled to the bed and collapsed on it, tears running down his face. Then Ignis had walked in with the food. He'd barely stopped himself from launching at Ignis.

"What happened?" Ignis asked softly. Noctis scooted closer to him on the bed until their shoulders touched.

"Nothing."

"Noctis," Ignis admonished him gently. "You know you don't have to hide anything from me."

Noctis bowed his head. Ignis could feel Noctis' shoulders quaking.

Noctis stared down into the food. "You were gone. I came out of the bathroom and you were gone."

Ignis was silent. He watched Noctis out of the corner of his eyes. Noct's hair hid his eyes. Ignis didn't know what had caused Noctis to panic every time Ignis walked away, but it didn't matter to him.

He leaned into Noctis slightly, nudging him with his shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere, Noctis."

Noctis nodded, and they ate in silence. Noctis felt cold again.

"Are you still cold?" Ignis asked after a while. He could feel Noctis shivering.

"Sometimes I feel like I'll never be warm again," Noctis said softly. Ignis was silent for a moment.

"I could run you a hot bath. If you like."

Noctis finished the noodles. "That sounds great, Iggy."

Ignis nodded and stood up. He took Noctis' plate and set them both next to the door. He would deal with them later. He opened Noctis' bag.

"Do you want pants and shirt or just pants?" Ignis knew that Noctis preferred to sleep shirtless unless it was really cold.

"Pants," Noctis said, watching as Ignis walked to the bathroom. He heard the water turn on. A few minutes later Ignis walked back out. Noctis stood up and shuffled over to the bathroom.

"Thanks, Iggy," he said softly. He went to close the door.

"Noct," Ignis said, stopping him. "I would…prefer you leave the door open, just in case."

Noctis could fill in the rest. Just in case he had another panic attack. He nodded. "Sure thing."

Ignis went back to his bed. He put the mending away and pulled out a book. He leaned against the headboard and started reading. The sun was starting to go down.

Noctis stood in the bathroom. He pulled off Ignis' jacket and hung it on the back of the door. He pulled off his shirt and dropped it by the toilet. The Ring of the Lucii felt like a heavy weight in his pocket. He kicked his pants off and shoved them into a corner. He would deal with the ring later. He was just going to leave it in the pants and leave the pants in the corner.

He stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot from crying. He was pale. He had lost weight since Altissia. It wasn't like they had been eating well. He rubbed the back of his neck and turned to the bathtub.

He got in and smiled tightly. The water was just south of scalding, the way he liked it. He sank down until his chin was barely submerged. His eyes closed. He thought of Ignis.

He thought of the Ignis that was sitting out in the room, one ear directed towards the bathroom. He thought of how controlled and beautiful the man had looked stretching in the center of the room, muscles bunching and sweat glistening on his chest.

He thought of the Ignis after Altissia. Quiet, pained.

Broken.

Noctis clenched his eyes shut tighter. He could feel tears rolling down his cheeks into the water of the tub. He pictured Ignis. The terrible wounds over his eyes, the slash across his nose, his dark glasses.

It was almost hard to look at the Ignis sitting out in the room, waiting for him. So perfect. So beautiful.

And it was his fault Ignis was ruined.

He dunked his head beneath the surface and held his breath. He held it until his lungs started to burn and the need for oxygen was overpowering. He surged upwards, taking deep, gulping breaths.

He leaned back against the tub, willing his mind to clear. He sat there, letting the hot water soothe him.

He wasn't sure how long he had been in the tub when he heard a gentle knock on the door. He opened his eyes.

"Noct, you've been in there for thirty minutes." Ignis' voice was soft, gentle.

"Alright, Specs. I'll be out in a few."

He heard Ignis walk away and he stood up. He pulled the plug and let the water drain. He snatched a towel and quickly wiped himself dry. He didn't look at himself in the mirror again. He didn't want to see himself.

Noctis picked up his sleep pants from lid of the toilet where Ignis had put them. He pulled them on. He looked down at the pants that were wadded in the corner with the ring hidden away in them. He kicked them further behind the toilet. He turned and went to walk out, but grabbed Ignis' jacket off the door and put it on.

He flipped the lights off and stepped into the room. He glanced at Ignis. Ignis was leaning against the headboard of his bed, long legs stretched out over the covers. He had a book in his hand, and the only light in room was from the lamp on the small table in between their beds.

Noctis looked over at his empty bed, covers rumpled from where he had slept earlier. Then he looked back at Ignis.

Reading.

Ignis would have to learn how to read Braille. Noctis felt another wave of guilt.

He should get back into his own bed and go to sleep. But he kept looking at Ignis. He wanted, needed, to touch Ignis. If he could touch Ignis, know he was really there beside him, maybe he could be able to rest.

He took one last look at his bed, and then walked over to Ignis' and crawled in next to him. He put his head on Ignis' chest and threw an arm over his waist.

Ignis froze. Noctis could feel and hear Ignis' heart rate pick up; his head was resting right above Iggy's heart.

Ignis didn't move. He was shocked. When they had been boys, after the daemon attack that had nearly killed Noctis, the prince would often sneak into Ignis' room. They would sleep curled around each other. Regis had let it continue, much to the dismay of many of Noctis' nurses.

It had been years since they had slept in the same bed. Ignis had been both thankful and sad that Noctis' late night trips to his bed had stopped before Ignis had realized the true depth of his feelings for the prince.

Ignis could feel how tense Noctis was. He wasn't sure of his reception. Slowly, Ignis allowed himself to relax. His left arm curled around Noctis, and he slowly threaded his fingers through Noct's raven hair.

Noctis' fist clenched in Ignis' tank top, his hand drawing small circles on Iggy's ribcage. Ignis took a deep breath.

Noctis felt Ignis' muscles relax under him, and his heart rate lowered to a more reasonable rate. Ignis' fingers gently massaged the back of Noct's head. Noct's arm tightened over his waist.

For the first time since Altissia, Noctis felt relaxed.


	5. Then (chapter 5)

AN: Here is the aforementioned promised smut. Anal fingering, anal, biting, and blood happen, so if that doesn't do it for you, turn back now!

FFXV belongs to Square Enix, not me. not beta-ed, all mistakes my own. Please leave me a review! Thanks.

 **Then**

Noctis listened to Ignis' heart. It was comforting. It meant that Ignis was real, that Ignis was here. He closed his eyes, inhaling the smell of Ignis' skin. He smelled of the tea tree soap that he favored and faintly of Ebony coffee, like Ignis had drank so much of the stuff it had seeped into his skin.

Ignis took a deep breath. The warm weight of Noctis' body against him was both comforting and distracting. Comforting to know that Noct was there and not having a panic attack, distracting because this had long been a fantasy of Ignis'.

They were silent. Ignis ran his fingers through Noctis' hair, his nails gently scraping Noct's scalp. Noctis fingers danced over Ignis' ribs. His cheek rested just above Ignis' heart, half on the skin of Iggy's chest, half on the rough cotton of the tank top. He figured he'd have a crease in his cheek from the ribbed seam.

He didn't care.

Ignis' fingers in his hair and his nails dragging along his scalp felt absolutely heavenly. Noctis hummed contentedly.

It was easy to forget why he had come back with Ignis touching him like that.

A sudden image of Ignis after Altissia sprang into his mind. He saw the horrible wound over his left eye and temple, the smaller cut on his right eyebrow and over his nose. Noctis' eyes flew open with a startled gasp.

Ignis' hand stilled in his hair. Noct felt Ignis' heart speed up again. He clung to Ignis. Ignis continued to stroke his hair.

Noctis sighed, his breath blowing over Ignis' chest. He thought he felt Ignis shudder. He paused, considering. He took another deep breath and blew it gently over Ignis' skin.

Ignis closed his eyes. He was very glad that Noctis wasn't looking at his face, because he wasn't sure he would be able to hide his reactions to what the prince was doing. He felt another rush of warm air across his chest and he looked down and froze.

Noctis was staring up at him, an expression he couldn't read on the prince's face.

Noct wasn't sure how long they stared at each other in the darkening room. His world narrowed down to Ignis' emerald green eyes.

Noctis took a deep breath, and then glanced back down at Ignis' chest. He lifted his head slightly, and then pressed his lips over Ignis' heart in a soft, open mouthed kiss.

Ignis gasped, nearly dropping his book on Noctis' head. He had thought he was going to combust earlier when he had worked himself into exhaustion. That was nothing compared to what he felt when Noctis kissed his chest.

It was like a Fira spell had been released in his veins. Every nerve in his body was on fire, spreading in waves from his chest.

Noct glanced up at him. Ignis' eyes were half closed and his mouth was parted. His cheeks were flushed.

Noctis thought he had never seen anything so beautiful.

He made a snap decision and sat up. He flung his leg over Ignis' and settled himself on the taller man's lap.

Ignis' eyes were wide.

Ifrit's flaming ass, he could _feel_ Noctis through their thin cotton pants. And he knew that Noctis could feel him. He was at a complete loss. This was not what he had expected.

Noctis took Ignis' book and set it on the small table between the two beds. He leaned over farther to turn the lamp on, and his cock rubbed against Ignis'. Ignis made a strangled noise, his eyes closed.

Noct sat back up and stared at Ignis' face. He leaned forward and gently removed Ignis' glasses. He put them on top of the book and looked at Ignis' face.

He leaned forward, his fingers ghosting over Ignis' face. Ignis' eyes fluttered closed. Each little touch of Noctis' fingers was like lightning.

Noctis pressed his lips gently against Ignis' left temple. His lips brushed over the spots where he knew the scars would be. He held Ignis' face still, his thumbs chasing his lips across the other man's face.

He could feel Ignis' shuddering breath against his throat. His lips moved over Ignis' forehead, pressing gentle kisses on his skin, down to his right temple. He leaned back slightly to look at Ignis' face.

He could feel Ignis hardening beneath him, and it was exquisite. He kissed each of Ignis' eyelids, trying to convey to Ignis without words how very sorry he was for something that, for this Ignis, hadn't happened yet.

His lips drifted down, pressing gentle kisses against Ignis' cheeks. Ignis' hands were slack, lying against the bed. He hadn't moved since Noctis had taken the book from his hands.

Ignis knew this had to be a dream. There was no way that his prince was straddling him, holding his face gently between his hands and raining soft kisses against Ignis' face. There was no way that Noctis' hard length was rubbing slowly, agonizingly, against his own with nothing but two thin layers of cotton between them.

Noctis pressed a kiss against the corner of Ignis' mouth, but he seemed reluctant to move any further.

Ignis made the decision for him.

He turned his head and captured Noctis' lips with his own.

Noctis sucked in a startled breath and Ignis pulled back suddenly, his cheeks flaming.

"I'm so sorry, your highness," Ignis whispered, "I overstepped. I-"

"Ignis," Noctis said softly, putting a finger under Ignis' chin and tilted his head to look him in the eyes. Normally, he had a hard time reading Ignis' emotions, but it was almost too easy to read him in that moment.

Shame, horror, desire, shame.

"I should not have-"

"Ignis," Noctis said forcefully, "shut up."

Ignis' mouth snapped shut. Noctis thought he heard his teeth clack together. Noctis leaned forward and kissed the man again. Now, it was Ignis' turn to suck in a surprised breath.

Noctis rolled his hips slightly, grinding their cocks against each other. Ignis moaned into his mouth. Noctis took the opportunity to dart his tongue into Ignis' mouth. One of Ignis' hands came to rest on Noct's hip; the other buried itself in his hair, pulling him closer.

Their tongues curled around each other. Noctis hummed into Ignis' mouth. Their kisses were gentle and exploratory; all chapped lips and probing tongues. Noctis settled himself closer to Ignis, hands splayed on his chest. He curled his fingers over the edge of Ignis' tank top, fingers darting under the fabric to caress his flushed skin.

Ignis nipped at Noctis' lower lip. Noctis' fingers brushed one of Ignis' nipples, and Ignis' head fell back, eyes closed.

Noctis wanted to see his eyes. Noct gently put his hand behind Ignis' head and pressed their foreheads together. They sat there for a few minutes (hours, days? Noctis wasn't sure, and he didn't care. He could stay like this for an eternity).

"Open your eyes, Ignis," Noctis whispered, his breath mingling with Ignis'.

Ignis opened his eyes. With their foreheads pressed together, Noctis' entire field of vision was narrowed down to his advisor's eyes.

Until Altissia, he had never really thought about Ignis' eyes. They were just a part of the man who was always one step behind and to the right of him. The man who pushed him, annoyed him, cooked for him, made sure his apartment was livable. The man who, no matter what stupid thing Noctis had done, was there for him.

The man had beautiful eyes. Noctis felt another wave of guilt looking into his verdant orbs. His own eyes started to burn, and he blinked back tears.

Ignis' hand came up and he gently wiped the tears from Noctis' cheek. He didn't say anything, just traced his thumbs over Noctis' cheeks.

Noctis swallowed. He had to ask for forgiveness. He had to. Wasn't that why he had come back?

"Ignis…please forgive me," he whispered, closing his eyes. He couldn't look into those emerald green eyes anymore.

"What do I need to forgive you for?" Ignis' voice was soft, non-judgmental. Ignis didn't think there was anything he needed to forgive Noctis for, but as they sat there, Ignis remembered how many times that day Noctis had apologized to him.

Noctis took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

"My past and your future."

Ignis' forehead furrowed. He opened his mouth to ask just what Noctis meant by that strange statement, but Noctis kissed him, hard.

Noctis tried to pour his desperation, his love, his shame, into the kiss. He needed Ignis to know how sorry he was, how much he appreciated him.

Ignis responded to the kiss, tilting his head and opening his mouth. All he could feel was Noctis' soft tongue and hard body against him. He would have to figure out that enigmatic statement later. If Noct needed Ignis' forgiveness for some imagined slight, then Ignis would give it.

"I forgive you," Ignis whispered against Noctis' lips.

Noctis pulled back, his eyes wide. Ignis stared at him. His eyes took in Noctis' blue eyes and perfect face. His hair was messed up from Ignis' fingers.

Noctis found that he couldn't catch his breath. Even though he knew Ignis had no idea what he had forgiven him for, he was shocked at how much those words meant to him.

"I forgive you," Ignis said firmly.

Noctis started to shake. His heartrate skyrocketed, and not just from the excitement of making out with his advisor. Ignis could feel him trembling and he wrapped his arms around Noctis.

Noct buried his face in the crook of Ignis' neck. Ignis' hands moved in gentle circles on his back. Ignis dropped soft kisses anywhere his lips could reach. He could feel Noctis' lips against his neck.

Ignis wasn't sure how long they sat there, his hands moving in gentle circles over his own jacket. Finally, Noctis' heartrate slowed and he sat up and kissed Ignis.

"Better?" Ignis whispered.

Noctis nodded, his fingers dancing over Ignis' tank top. He reached down and grasped it, pulling it up. Ignis lifted his arms, allowing Noctis to pull the tank top completely off. Noctis tossed the tank top aside and Ignis frowned.

"You're just going to leave that there?"

Noctis looked at him incredulously. "Seriously, you're worried about your shirt right now?"

Ignis' lips curled in a smile. He knew that Noctis would berate him for that, and he had just wanted to hear Noct's voice sound somewhat normal.

If he was honest with himself, for once he didn't give a behemoth's ass about his shirt being thrown across the room.

Noctis rolled his eyes and reached out and touched the cockatrice scar that peeked over the edge of Ignis' left shoulder.

"We match," Noctis said, leaning over and kissing the tip of the scar. He heard Ignis' startled breath.

"What do you mean?"

"We both have big scars on our back. We match."

Ignis nodded and pulled Noctis' face down to his. They kissed lazily.

"I guess we do," Ignis said softly. His eyes traveled down to Noctis' chest, framed by his jacket. Ignis caressed the lapels, careful not to touch Noctis' skin.

Noct made a frustrated noise, which caused Ignis to smile. As much as Ignis wanted Noctis naked, he was going to take this slow.

Ignis tugged on the lapels. "I think I like you in my jacket, Noctis."

"I love you," Noctis blurted. Ignis' mouth fell open. Noctis felt his face heat up. He hadn't meant to say that. He had just ruined everything. He looked away, working hard to keep his expression under control.

He gasped when Ignis' hand cupped his cheek and turned his face back to his. Noctis refused to look at him. He didn't want to see the pity in Ignis' eyes.

"Noctis, look at me. Please." Ignis' voice was soft, gentle.

Noctis' eyes darted to Ignis'. He was surprised to see a soft smile on the other man's face. Ignis pressed his thumb gently against Noct's lips.

"And I love you, Noctis."

Noctis blinked. He looked thunderstruck. "You…you do?"

Would Ignis still love him after Altissia?

Ignis pressed their foreheads together. "Of course I love you. I have loved you since I was six. I will love you until the end."

"Just because I'm the prince?"

"No," Ignis said firmly. "At first, I loved you out of duty. Somewhere along the way, we became friends, and I loved you as a friend. You were sixteen when I realized my feelings ran far deeper than friendship. I have loved and will always love you, because you are Noctis. I would love you if you were nothing but a fisherman and I was a cook. We were brought together because you are the prince. I stay with you because I love you. No matter what happens."

Noctis stared at him. He thought back to his dream that morning. He remembered Luna and Ignis standing there. He remembered that she had said they both loved him, and that Ignis had regretted not telling him.

Noctis curled his hand behind Ignis' head. "Then don't be afraid to tell me, Ignis." He swallowed. "There is only one thing that follows us after death, Ignis. Love."

Ignis was a little unnerved by the discussion. "It was inappropriate for me to feel that way, Noctis. I couldn't say anything. And where did you hear that bit about love?"

"I heard Luna say it to someone once."

Ignis' eyes widened and he sat back. Shit. They were on their way to get Noctis wed and here he was with the prince on his lap, sharing kisses and confessing love.

Noctis watched Ignis' face pale. He figured he knew what was going through Ignis' head. Noctis felt his heart twist slightly at the thought of Luna. He smiled and pressed his lips against Ignis'.

"Trust me, Iggy; she knows how I feel about you."

Ignis stared at him. "Truly?"

"Yeah. She said I should tell you." Okay, so that had never happened, but Luna was dead, and really, that was kind of what he got from the dream.

Ignis' hands rested on his shoulders. He looked up into Noctis' face, and then shoved the jacket down his arms. Noctis laughed and pulled his arms from the sleeves. Ignis tossed the jacket to the floor.

"Look at you," Noctis said with a smile, "I'll make a slob out of you yet."

"Unlikely," Ignis said, his eyes moving over Noct's chest. He looked far too thin. Ignis would have to get him to eat more. Noctis' nipples stood out darkly against his white skin, and Ignis could see the sparse hair disappearing into his pants.

Ignis felt himself hardening again. Sometime between Noctis' mini panic attack and confessing his feelings, they had both softened. He reached out and brushed Noct's chest. Noctis closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. He shifted his hips again, grinding himself against Ignis' stiffening cock.

Ignis growled, drawing his nails over Noctis' nipples. He leaned forward and kissed the dusky nub. His tongue lapped at Noct' nipples. He pressed his teeth into the prince's flesh. Noctis gasped and arched his back. The movement caused their cocks to press together. Ignis cried out against Noctis' chest.

"Gods, Ignis!"

Noctis figured that Gentiana was going to murder him for going back in time to screw his advisor. He didn't care. He didn't care about Altissia, he didn't care about the ring.

The only thing he cared about was the beautiful man beneath him and what that said man was doing to him.

Ignis' hand tweaked Noct's other nipple before drifting lower. His hand paused just above Noctis' waistband. He glanced up at Noctis, asking permission with his eyes.

Noctis couldn't refuse those eyes. Hell, he didn't want to. He wanted this as much as Ignis. He nodded, his heart in his throat. Ignis kept his eyes locked on Noctis' as his hand finally dropped to caress Noctis' length.

Noctis threw his head back, mouth open, as Ignis' hand barely grazed him. He wasn't sure if he was actually feeling Ignis' hand, or if it was just his imagination.

Ignis watched him intently. He pressed his hand against Noctis and bit back his own moan. He couldn't believe he was finally touching Noctis the way he had fantasized about for nearly six years.

He could feel the shape and heft of Noctis' cock, and he cupped the prince's balls, squeezing gently. Ignis dropped his head onto Noctis' shoulder, watching his hand caress and massage Noctis' most intimate area.

Ignis was driving Noctis absolutely mad. The man was barely touching him and it was exquisite torture. He rocked his hips forward, driving his dick into Ignis' hand.

Ignis hooked his fingers over the waistband of Noct's pants, and pulled them down over one hip. He pressed his lips against Noctis' neck. Noctis lifted himself off Ignis and helped kick his pants off. They landed in a heap on the floor.

His cheeks were flushed. He was sitting in Ignis' lap, completely naked and quite obviously very happy to be there. His cock jutted away from his belly, head swollen with the barest hint of fluid leaking from it.

Ignis stared at Noctis' length, his hand hovering just out of range. He kissed the prince's neck again, dragging his lips up his neck to his ear.

"Beautiful," he whispered into Noct's ear, his tongue darting out and tracing Noct's earlobe.

Noctis cried out when Ignis finally wrapped his hand around him. Ignis roughly pulled his head down and silenced him with a kiss.

"You must be quiet," Ignis said against his mouth, "because I swear to the gods if Gladio comes charging in here because he hears you screaming, I will not be held responsible for my actions."

Noctis nodded, deepening the kiss. There was a part of him that half wanted to see what Ignis would do to Gladio if they were interrupted, but the part of him that wanted to stay in this moment forever won out.

He thrust into Ignis' hand. Ignis rubbed his thumb over the head of Noct's cock, smearing his pre-come around.

"Gods, Ignis," Noctis panted against Ignis' face. He felt Ignis' lips curl into a wicked smile.

"Like that, do you?"

Noctis nodded. It never felt like that when he touched himself.

Noctis' hands dropped to Ignis' waist, fingers resting on the waistband of his pants. "Please, Iggy, please."

Ignis let go of Noctis and lifted his hips and Noctis helped him slip the pants down his legs.

Noctis got his first look at Ignis naked. His broad shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist. His body was all muscle, just not outrageously muscled like Gladio (he really didn't want to think about Gladio right now). His fingers brushed over Ignis' chest, pinching his nipples, and down lower to drag his fingers through the ash brown hair leading down to Ignis' cock. Ignis groaned softly as Noct's fingers wrapped around him. Noct stroked him gently, watching his advisor's face in awe.

Noctis moved forward until the head of his cock touched Ignis'. Ignis clenched his teeth to silence the moan that wanted to escape him. Noctis wrapped his fingers around both of them. Instead of stroking them, he started thrusting.

Ignis pulled his face down and kissed him. The kiss was hurried, sloppy, perfect. Their hips rose and fell together. The feel of Ignis' cock rubbing right against his was the most perfect thing Noct had ever felt.

Noctis trembled. He was close.

He felt Ignis' hands on his thighs, fingers clenching on his muscles. He figured he'd have bruises.

Bruises would mean this had actually happened.

Ignis' fingers trailed up Noct's hip to rest on his butt. Ignis ran one finger gently in between Noct's ass cheeks, and Noctis let out a strangled gasp.

Ignis paused, watching Noctis carefully. He wasn't sure if Noctis was going to allow this, but he wanted, he needed, to try.

He drew his finger down Noct's crack, pausing at his puckered hole. Noctis felt Ignis' finger resting right against his opening, and he pressed his ass back into Ignis' hand.

Ignis gasped, feeling Noctis' hole give slightly. Noctis dropped his head against Ignis shoulder to swallow his cries. Noctis pressed back again. His cock twitched every time he felt Ignis' finger _almost_ penetrate him.

"Noct, Noctis," Ignis panted, "you have to stop."

"Why? Feels good," Noctis wasn't able to talk in complete sentences.

Noctis kept thrusting their cocks together.

"You're…you're not prepped."

Noctis paused, blinking down at Ignis languidly. "Do we have anything for that?"

Ignis managed to point shakily at his bag. "Front pocket."

Noctis raised an eyebrow. He gently released their lengths and slid off Ignis. Ignis whimpered at the loss of contact. Noctis walked over to Ignis' bag and unzipped the front pocket. He pulled out a tube of lube and walked back to Ignis.

"You actually packed this? Were you planning on this?"

Ignis blushed. Noctis didn't think he had ever seen Ignis turn so red.

"I was planning on giving it to you on your wedding night," Ignis said. He thought he saw something inexplicable pass over Noct's face. It was gone before Ignis could question it.

Noctis leapt back onto the bed, crawling back onto Ignis' lap. He handed Iggy the tube. "This is a better use," he said softly, leaning forward and kissing him.

Ignis responded to the kiss, darting his tongue into Noct's mouth. Noctis moaned into his mouth.

"You taste so good, Ignis," Noctis muttered. Ignis held the tube between his hands, trying to warm it up even a little.

Patience was not a strong suit of his at the moment. He unscrewed the lid and smeared his finger in the clear fluid. He placed his hands back on Noct's ass and spread his cheeks again.

Noctis gasped when Ignis' finger pressed against his opening. "Shit, Iggy, that's cold!"

"Sorry," Ignis whispered, running his finger gently over Noct's hole.

"Somehow I doubt that," Noctis said with a smirk. Ignis' lips curled in a smile. Noctis pushed his ass back against Ignis' hand again. "Please, Ignis."

Ignis pressed against Noct's opening. He closed his eyes as his finger pushed into Noct. It was perfect.

He gently moved his finger around. Noctis was so tight around him. "Relax," Ignis whispered. He tilted his head back and they kissed again. As Noctis deepened the kiss, his ass unclenched, allowing Ignis to drive his finger in up to his knuckles.

"Ignis!" Noctis' cock twitched.

Ignis curled his finger inside his prince. Noctis panted against his face, whispering his name over and over. He whimpered when Ignis pulled his finger out, added more lube to his hand, and pressed two fingers in.

Ignis' own cock was rock hard. The feeling of Noct's heat around his fingers was exquisite, and he could only imagine what it would feel like around his dick.

Noctis rocked his hips back and forth, rubbing their lengths together as Ignis thrust his fingers into his puckered hole. They weren't so much kissing anymore and just panting into each other's mouths, tongues touching occasionally.

"Want you, Ignis," Noct growled.

"Are you sure?"

"Gods, yes!" In for a gil, Noctis figured.

Ignis scissored his fingers apart, spreading Noct's hole wider. Noctis moaned. "Please, Ignis, please!"

Ignis pulled his fingers out of Noct. He grabbed Noctis by the ass and rocked him forward. He let go with one hand and grabbed the lube. Noctis lay sprawled across Ignis, panting as he watched Ignis cover his cock in lube. He felt Ignis spread more at his entrance. Gods, it was going to be such an amazing mess.

Ignis wrapped one hand around his cock and slowly guided Noctis down. Noctis buried his face in Ignis' neck as he felt Ignis' thick, hot, length press against his entrance. His hole stretched, and Noctis' mouth fell open in a silent scream.

Ignis groaned as he sank into Noctis' heat. Noctis was so tight it was forcing Ignis to pull back out slightly. Noct pushed himself back down onto Ignis.

Ignis felt Noct's muscles contract around him, pulling him deeper. "Gods, Noct, you're amazing."

Ignis lifted his thighs, giving Noctis something to lean back on. The angle pushed him even deeper inside Noctis. Noctis wrapped one hand around his cock and started pumping in time to Ignis' slow thrusts.

"Faster, Ignis," he moaned.

Ignis complied. The only sounds in the room were their panting breaths, skin slapping together, and the wet slap of Noct's hand on his own cock.

Noctis leaned forward, pressing his lips and teeth against the meat of Ignis' right shoulder. It changed Ignis' angle, and Noctis nearly screamed when the thick length of his advisor rubbed against his prostate.

Ignis paused, then started thrusting faster, stroking that spot every time. Noctis' hand tightened around his dick. He wasn't going to last much longer, not with Ignis rubbing that spot over and over. Ignis' hands were clutching Noct's thighs, guiding him down with each thrust. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Noctis' cock. He could see a pearly bead of pre-come on the tip.

He grabbed Noctis' hips, slamming into the prince. Noctis sank his teeth into Ignis' shoulder. Ignis moaned. He was toeing the line between pleasure and pain; where the two mixed together. He wrapped one hand around Noctis', stroking the prince's weeping cock with him.

Ignis rotated his hips in a circle, rubbing Noct's most sensitive area unrelentingly. Noct's teeth clenched in Ignis' shoulder. It felt so good. He wished he could scream Ignis' name.

Noctis bit down after a particularly hard thrust from Ignis. His mouth was suddenly flooded with the coppery tang of Ignis' blood. He drew back with a gasp.

"Gods, Ignis, I'm so sorry!"

Ignis paused. He hadn't even felt it. Pain was pleasure at this point. He glanced down at his shoulder, watching a trail of blood dribble down his chest.

"I can get you a potion-" Noctis started.

"Don't you dare," Ignis growled. Noctis stared at him. He could taste Ignis' blood on his lips, feel his cock buried deep in his ass. Noctis had never heard Ignis sound so positively animalistic and possessive.

"Ignis-" Noctis tried again, but was silenced when Ignis thrust into him again. Ignis pulled him down and kissed him hard. His tongue dove into Noct's mouth. He could taste his own blood on Noct's lips. A distant part of his brain knew that his shoulder was going to hurt like a bitch the next morning, but he didn't care.

Noctis had marked him. He said a silent prayer that the wound would scar.

Ignis bit down on Noct's lips, causing the prince to cry out. Ignis swallowed the cry and pulled back slightly. Noct could see blood on the corner of Ignis' mouth. He leaned forward and kissed it away.

"It's gotta hurt, Ignis."

"Didn't feel it," Ignis said, rocking his hips. He didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to finish fucking his prince. "Gladly wear your mark."

Noctis felt a thrill go through him. He knew that Ignis had always belonged to him, but the thought that the man would have a scar for the rest of his life from this night…

His hand convulsed around his cock. He felt Ignis slam into his ass over and over and Noct felt fire spread through his body. It started at the base of his spine, ran into his balls, and he cried out as he came.

Ignis watched through heavily lidded eyes as the prince spilled thick ropes of seed across his chest. Noctis' pearly strands mixed with the crimson of his blood across his chest.

Ignis' thrusts were growing haphazard.

"So close, Noct," he panted.

Noctis managed to open his eyes. He wanted to watch Ignis. His green eyes were closed, face pinched in concentration. His hand continued to pump Noctis' cock, milking the prince dry.

Ignis bit the inside of his lip to silence himself. His balls tightened, and his head fell back against the headboard as he emptied himself into the prince.

Noctis felt Ignis fill him up. He moaned, leaning forward and kissing Ignis again. He clenched his ass, pulling everything out of his advisor's dick. He pressed against Ignis' chest, deepening the kiss. He felt his sticky seed and Ignis' blood mix together.

Ignis lay back, pulling the prince with him. Noctis lay sprawled across Ignis' chest. They were both breathing hard. Ignis brushed Noct's bangs out of his eyes.

"You are so beautiful," Ignis murmured. Noctis blushed, but kissed him.

"So are you." He could feel Ignis' cock softening in his ass. He rested his head against Ignis' left shoulder, and Ignis' hands ran down his back, massaging him gently.

"That was…" Noctis started.

"Perfect?"

Noctis lifted his head and looked at Ignis. The man actually looked a little unsure of himself.

"Yeah, absolutely perfect." Noctis pressed a gentle kiss against Ignis' mouth.

They lay there in silence for a while. Ignis felt his shoulder start throbbing. Ignis finally slipped out of Noct. Noctis could feel Ignis' hot seed drip out of his loose hole.

"We should probably clean up," Ignis said finally. He could feel Noct's semen drying on their chests, and the tacky stickiness of his blood was starting to itch. And Shiva's freezing tits his shoulder was really starting to hurt.

"Yeah." Noctis didn't move. Ignis smiled.

"It'll be much harder to clean off in the morning."

"Alright, alright. We're showering together."

"Of course."

Noctis peeled himself off of Ignis and sat on the edge of the bed. Ignis sat up and moved next to him. They sat side by side for a moment. Noctis reached over and intertwined their fingers. Ignis smiled at him and raised their linked hands to his lips.

Noctis stood up and smiled down at Ignis. "Give me a sec, 'kay?"

Ignis nodded as Noctis walked to the bathroom. His eyes roamed over the prince. His cheeks flushed when his eyes landed on Noct's ass. He could see his own seed dripping from Noct's crack.

A few minutes later, the toilet flushed and he heard the shower turn on. Noct stuck his head out.

"Get your pretty ass in here, Specs."

Ignis smiled and stood up. His shoulder throbbed with each beat of his heart, but he felt no regrets. As he told Noctis, he was proud to wear his mark.

He stepped into the shower behind Noct, the hot water spilling over both of them. He reached for the soap and a washcloth. He touched Noct's arm and they silently shifted positions. Ignis stood directly under the spray, letting it fall against his shoulder.

He squirted a glob of soap straight onto the bite wound, and used the washcloth to scrub it. He hissed in pain. He dug in deep, making it bleed anew.

"I'm sorry, Ignis," Noctis whispered softly. Ignis glanced at him.

"As I said, Noctis, I am not sorry that you bit me. It will hurt for a few days."

"Seems like it hurts now," Noctis pointed out, watching the water turn pink.

"While I am pleased to wear your mark, I do not want it to get infected."

"I guess that would be pretty difficult to explain to the others."

Ignis snorted, moving the washcloth away and letting the water clean the wound. He squirted more soap into his hands and motioned for Noct to step closer.

He moved his soapy hands over Noct's body, gently scrubbing him clean. There was nothing sexual in Ignis' touch, Noctis realized. He was simply comforting the prince. Ignis made sure Noct was clean, and then directed him under the spray. He watched the soap suds run down Noct's body.

Noctis took the soap and repeated the process with Ignis. He gently scrubbed his dried seed from Ignis' chest. Ignis watched him, a soft smile on his lips.

After they were both clean, Noctis turned off the water and grabbed a towel. Silently, they dried each other. Noctis carefully never looked at the pants he had shoved all the way behind the toilet before calling Ignis into the bathroom. He absolutely refused to think of the ring, or Altissia, for the rest of the night.

He took Ignis' hand and led the taller man to the bed he had slept in earlier that day. The other was way too messy to sleep in. Ignis crawled into the bed, and Noct turned off the lamp. He sank into the bed next to Ignis and curled around him. His head rested on Ignis' chest, arm thrown over his waist and leg thrown over one of Ignis'.

Ignis started stroking his hair. It was almost a mirror of their position earlier in the day.

"Hey, Iggy?" Noct said sleepily.

"Yes, Noct?"

"Thanks." Noctis didn't know how to say the rest. Thanks for forgiving me for something that hasn't happened, thanks for the mind blowing sex.

"For what?"

Noct smiled, and pressed a kiss against Ignis' heart.

"For being you."

Noct felt Ignis' lips ghost against his forehead, and he let sleep steal him away.


	6. Chapter 6 (Then)

AN: I update faster on AO3.

Leave me a review, maybe I'll update here faster.

FFXV doesn't belong to me. Not beta-ed, all mistakes mine.

 **Then**

Ignis woke slowly. His shoulder ached, and at first, he wondered why. His eyes opened, and his lips curled into a smile when he saw Noctis curled up next to him.

Oh yes, that's why his shoulder ached. He stretched and dropped a kiss on Noct's forehead. The prince mumbled and buried himself deeper under the blankets.

Ignis had simply laid there for a while after Noctis had fallen asleep. He wanted to make sure his prince (his lover) wasn't plagued by nightmares. Noctis' warm weight against him finally lulled him to sleep.

It wasn't quite dawn yet. He could see the sky was just starting to lighten, but true sunrise was still quite a ways off. Ignis gently shimmied out from under Noctis and stroked the raven hair.

Noctis seemed so peaceful. There was no sign of the distress Noctis had felt the day before. Ignis leaned back over and kissed Noct's head.

"I love you, Noctis," he whispered. He stood up and glanced around. Everything was blurry.

Where were his glasses? Oh yes. He walked over to the small bedside table and picked up his glasses from where Noct had placed them the night before. He put them on and frowned as he looked around the room.

Gods, they had made quite the mess last night. His cheeks flamed as he looked at the empty bed. He could see spots of blood and other dried fluids. Their pants were strewn around the floor, and his jacket lay in a heap on the carpet at the end of the bed.

He picked up his jacket and draped it over the back of a chair. He had no regrets about what they had done. His shoulder was starting to throb again. He glanced down at the bite wound and poked it. It definitely hurt, but it didn't feel warm, which was good. He really didn't want it to get infected. There was some pretty extensive bruising around the wound. He stooped and picked up their pants, tossing them over the end of the Noct's bed, and then his tank top.

He paused in the middle of the room and linked his hands above his head, stretching. He was still naked, and really had no desire to put any clothes on just yet. He had to pee.

Ignis walked into the bathroom and flipped the light on. He lifted the lid on the toilet and stood in front of it, relieving himself. He looked down and frowned.

Why in the hell were Noct's pants shoved behind the toilet? He sighed, noticing Noctis' shirt tucked behind the trash can. He finished, flushed the toilet and washed his hands. He grabbed a clean washcloth and stuck it under the faucet. Ignis scrubbed at the bite wound on his shoulder. Fresh blood welled slowly from the wound.

Ignis knelt and dug through the drawers under the sink. There was a small first aid kit. He took out a small square pad and stuck it over the mark. He used the medical tape to secure it to his flesh. He didn't want to get blood on his shirt.

He grabbed Noct's shirt and pants and walked back out to the room.

The prince's clothes would need washed. He went to drop them onto the chair when he heard something hit the carpet and bounce. He frowned, glancing down at the floor. Something had fallen out of Noct's pants pocket.

Ignis dropped the clothes in the chair and knelt, picking up the small object. He stood back up and opened his palm. It was a ring.

His first thought was that it was a gift for Lady Lunafreya, and for a brief moment, he felt a surge of jealously. Noct was _his._ He shook his head. No, Noctis wasn't his. Did one night make the prince his?

Something didn't feel right about the ring being a gift for Lady Lunafreya. It was far too masculine for her. In fact, Ignis was sure he had seen the ring before.

A wordless cry tore from his lips. It was the Ring of the Lucii, and it was impossible that it was sitting innocently in his palm.

Ignis found himself on his knees, eyes locked on the ring in his hand. He didn't remember falling to the ground.

This wasn't possible.

This was not possible.

Lady Lunafreya had the ring, and she was still in Altissia. How, _how_ had Noctis come to have the ring in his possession? He hadn't been away from any of them for long enough to get to Altissia and back, and why, _why_ wouldn't he have said something?

Ignis seemed to be having a hard time catching his breath. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, and feel it thumping crazily against his ribcage.

This. Was. Not. Possible.

Ignis Scientia was a very logical man, and there was absolutely no logical way that Noctis could have the ring. They were going to Altissia to get the damn ring, and yet, here it was.

Here it was.

He closed his eyes. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he was still curled up next to Noctis, having a strange dream.

" _Ignis…please forgive me."_

Ignis' eyes flew open. Noct had asked for his forgiveness last night.

" _What do I need to forgive you for?" Ignis had asked._

" _My past and your future."_

"My past and your future," Ignis mouthed, staring at the ring. My past and your future, Noctis had said.

Past.

Future.

"Gods in heaven, Noctis, what have you done?" Ignis whispered.

He thought about Noctis. He thought about how strange it was that it had seemed like Noct had lost a fair amount of weight, and looked like he hadn't been sleeping. Because he knew that Noctis had slept well, and had been eating right.

Hadn't he?

Ignis took a shuddering breath. Time travel wasn't possible, was it?

Ignis finally tore his gaze away from the ring to look at the sleeping prince. It was the only thing that made sense, wasn't it?

Wasn't it?

Ignis' eyes burned. He felt tears roll down his cheeks. He felt his mind going blank. It was too much. Too much.

He looked back down at the ring. It was still there, and he could still feel its solid weight in his palm.

None of this could possibly be real. They were going to set out to Altissia in a little more than a week.

The world narrowed down to the ring in his hand. Nothing else registered.

He knew what the ring meant. It meant that Noctis would die, because the ring stole the life from the kings.

He bowed his head over the ring and couldn't stop the anguished cry that tore from his throat.

He was going to lose Noctis to this ring, and in that moment, he hated it. He hated Regis, he hated the crystal, he hated Lucis, he hated Noctis, and he hated himself.

He knew what fate most likely awaited the chosen king, and Ignis hated himself for leading the one man he loved straight into the arms of his destiny. He couldn't stop it. If he could take Noctis' place, he would.

But he was nothing. He meant nothing to the gods, to Lucis.

What would the gods want with him?

FFXV

Noctis stirred. Something felt weird. Something wasn't right.

He reached out next to him, expecting to find Ignis, but only finding an empty bed. He heard a strange, horrified cry and he sat up, eyes darting around wildly.

His heart sank. Ignis was curled in the middle of the floor, naked, with the Ring of the Lucii in his hand. The heart wrenching cry had come from Ignis.

Well, shit.

Noctis swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat there for a moment. He didn't want to do this. Gentiana was going to kill him. Slowly.

He took a deep breath and stood up. He walked slowly over to Ignis and dropped to his knees in front of him. He stared at the ring in Ignis' hand. It looked like it always did. It looked like an innocent piece of jewelry.

They both knew better, but Ignis didn't know what it had cost.

"How?" Ignis' voice was rough. He wasn't looking at Noctis. He couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from the ring.

Noctis sighed, and gently took Ignis' hands and folded them over the ring. He didn't let go. He swallowed. His voice fled.

"How is this here?" Ignis asked again, staring at their joined hands.

"Ignis…" Noctis whispered.

"How? Please, Noctis, please! I need…I need to understand."

Noctis drew his thumb in circles over the back of Ignis' hands. They were cold, he realized.

"When did you get it from Lady Lunafreya? I thought…I thought…" he couldn't finish.

Noctis squeezed his hands and sighed. "I got it from her in Altissia."

Ignis' eyes snapped up and locked with Noctis'. "We haven't been to Altissia yet."

Noctis closed his eyes and bowed his head. His eyes burned, and he felt the tears leak from his eyes. "Yes, we have. I have."

Ignis stared at him. "How?" It seemed to be the only thing he could say.

Noctis shrugged. He let the tears roll unchecked down his cheeks. He didn't want to let go of Ignis' hands.

"Gentiana and Umbra let me come back."

Ignis swallowed. "Why…what happened?"

Noctis shuddered. He didn't want to talk about this. He wasn't sure he could talk about this. Ignis watched him carefully. Whatever had happened in Altissia must've been awful.

"I…Gods, Ignis…it was my fault, all my fault." He couldn't stop the tears. His stomach clenched, and he leaned over, pressing his forehead to their hands.

Ignis disentangled the hand without the ring and gently touched Noctis' head.

"I doubt that, Noctis."

"NO! It was my fault! I couldn't stop it! I wasn't strong enough! Luna…Ardyn, he…I'm going to kill him, Ignis. I'm going to kill him!"

Ignis could feel Noct's tears falling on their hands. He felt a surge of anger. What had Ardyn done?

"What happened?"

Noctis took a shuddering breath. "Everything was fine when we got there. Luna…Luna was there. It…Ignis, it was the first time I had seen her in twelve years, and we didn't even get to talk." It seemed like now that he had started talking, he couldn't stop.

"The Empire showed up. You, Gladio, and Prompto were evacuating the civilians. Luna summoned Leviathan. The Hydrean…"

"I'm guessing she wasn't as…agreeable…to the covenant as Ramuh?"

Noctis gave a strangled laugh. "That's one way to put it. We fought. She…would've killed me."

He was shaking. He didn't want to do this. He had come back to escape what happened, and now he was reliving it all over again.

"Please, Ignis, please," he sobbed.

"Talk to me, Noctis. You can do this."

"No I can't! Don't you get it, Ignis? That's why I'm here! Gladio was right! I'm no king. I'm nothing but a coward. I ran away."

Ignis dropped the ring and grabbed Noct's chin in his hand, forcing him to meet his eyes. "You are not a coward, Noctis."

"But I am, I am! I can't wear the ring, Ignis, I can't! The cost, the cost is too much!"

Ignis stared at him. "You have always known what the ring would take from you," he whispered. He hated himself for saying that.

"That's not why," Noctis whispered, staring into Ignis' eyes. His beautiful eyes.

"Tell me."

"Luna's dead."

Ignis' eyes widened behind his glasses.

"Ardyn stabbed her, and she gave her life so I could do my duty and claim what's rightfully mine," Noctis' voice was listless. "And you…"

Ignis' heart was in his throat. Noctis saw him swallow painfully. "I die?"

Noctis shook his head. He reached out a trembling hand and caressed Ignis' left temple. "You're blinded."

Ignis rocked back, eyes wide. His eyes darted around the room. He closed his eyes, and then opened them immediately. He didn't want to close his eyes. He didn't want to be in the dark. He didn't want to lose his sight!

Noctis' behavior the past day suddenly made sense; caressing his face at every opportunity, freaking out when Gladio offered to drive, asking for forgiveness.

"Blinded?" Ignis' voice was remarkably steady.

Noctis nodded, fingers dancing over his temple. "I don't…I don't know how. When I came to afterwards…Gods, Ignis…"

"Why…why did you come back to this time? Are you trying to change it?"

"Gentiana said I can't change anything. It happened. It's over. It's done. I came back to apologize to you. I wanted…needed to see you. Gladio's hardly let me near you since Altissia. It's been weeks…and I just couldn't do it anymore, Iggy. Gentiana and Umbra gave me the option to come back. I took it."

Ignis bowed his head. He was going to lose his sight. He would never be able to watch the sunrise, drive the car. Stars in heaven, he would never see Noctis again.

His thumb caressed Noctis' cheek. His eyes roved over the prince's face, trying to memorize his features. He could only imagine what the other him was going through. He didn't want to imagine it. It was…death would be a mercy.

"You have to go back."

Noct's eyes widened. He pulled back slightly. "What?"

"Noctis," he said softly, "you did what you came back to do. I forgive you. I assure you, I will not blame you for what happened."

He picked the Ring of the Lucii back up and pressed it into Noctis' palm. "I believe in you, Noctis. And…I hope to be there for you, no matter what. I love you and being blind…" he choked, blinking back tears, "being blind won't change that."

Noct's hand closed around the ring. He looked at his fist, then back up at Ignis. "I…I'm afraid, Ignis."

Ignis pressed his forehead against Noctis'. "I know. So am I. I'm afraid every day, Noctis. I'm afraid that I will lose you. I'm afraid we'll all lose to the Empire. Most of all, I'm afraid to be alone…after the end."

He didn't have to say what the end was. They both knew.

"You won't be, Ignis. Because I'll be waiting for you. Or you'll be waiting for me. When…Ignis…when the world falls down around you, and hope is lost, when you find yourself alone amid a lightless place, look…" Noctis swallowed. "Turn towards the distance, and know that I will be there."

Ignis felt tears well in his eyes.

"Love," Ignis whispered. "You said…you said love is the only thing that follows us after death."

"Always love, Ignis."

"I wish I could spirit you away to some far off country. We could watch the stars. You could fish, I could cook. I would take you away from all this if I could."

"I know, Ignis. I wish…I wish I had kissed you sooner. Years ago. We could've had so much time."

"We can't have regrets, Noctis. We… _you_ have to move forward. You can't look back anymore, because you can't change the past. You must learn from it. Just know that even if I can't see, I am there for you…if you'll allow me to be."

"I love you, Ignis. Nothing could change that."

Ignis realized that he hadn't said that he would allow Ignis to be there. He felt a thrill of terror. Had they already left him behind somewhere? Was he slowing them down too much?

No, he wouldn't think of it. He couldn't think of it. He couldn't change it. He had to accept it.

They sat, foreheads pressed together, the ring in Noctis' hand resting on his thighs. They were both crying silent tears. The sun had risen, and light filtered into the room, casting a warm yellow glow over everything.

After what felt like an eternity, Ignis pressed his lips against Noct's forehead. "We should get dressed before the others come looking for us." He stood up and held his hand out to Noctis. Noctis took his hand and Ignis pulled him to his feet.

"I don't think the others should know," Ignis said softly.

Noctis shook his head. "No. I think that would be bad."

Ignis reached out and pulled Noctis against him. He held him tightly against him. Noct's hand was trapped between their bodies, the ring pressing into his skin. Noctis wrapped his other arm around Ignis. They held each other, trying to block out everything, at least for a short period of time.

Noctis pressed a kiss against the bandage on Ignis' shoulder and stepped back. They silently went to their bags and pulled out clean clothes. Noctis put on a clean pair of pants and tucked the ring away carefully in the pocket. Ignis handed him a shirt and walked back into the bathroom.

Ignis felt weird. He quickly styled his hair, gritting his teeth against the sudden pain in his shoulder when he lifted it. He stared at himself in the mirror. What did he look like after Altissia?

Noctis said he was blinded, but he hadn't known what had happened. Did he have scars? Did he still have eyes?

"You can't think of it, Ignis," he told himself. "It is over, done, and there is nothing that can change it. Be thankful for the gift you were given last night."

He walked out of the bathroom as Noct walked in. Noctis squeezed his hand as they passed each other.

Ignis sat on the bed they had shared and put his head in his hands. He felt ill. He lifted his head and stood up, walking slowly around the room. He looked at the pictures on the wall. He had never appreciated them before. They weren't as good as Prompto's, but they weren't bad.

They were colorful. He was going to miss colors. He was going to miss the sunrise, and the stars. He was going to miss driving.

He was going to miss Prompto's ready smile and even Gladio's scarred face.

He was going to miss Noctis.

He turned when he heard the bathroom door open. Noctis stood there. He looked tired again. His hair was styled in his usual fashion, and his eyes looked haunted. Ignis simply stared at him for a moment, taking in the beauty of his prince; the halo of his hair, the paleness of his cheeks, his blue eyes.

"Are you ready?" Ignis whispered.

Noctis looked up at him in shock. "N..Now?"

Ignis bowed his head slightly. "I…I think the longer you stay here the harder it will be for you to return."

Noctis sniffed, dashing away tears. "Why do you always have to be right, Specs?"

Ignis smiled tightly. "It's my job as your advisor." He walked forward and kissed Noctis on the forehead. "I will leave the room to give you time."

Noctis nodded, not looking at him. Ignis stepped away and walked towards the door. Those ten steps were the hardest steps he had ever taken.

He paused at the door and faced Noctis. "I would say I'll see you later, but I won't."

Noctis stared at him in shock. "How can you say that to me? It's my fault you're hurt and blinded!"

Noctis spun away from him, suddenly angry. How could he say that? How could he make light of what happened?

Ignis crossed the room in three strides and crushed Noctis to him. "Do you wield the weapon that blinds me?"

"What?" Noctis snarled.

Ignis spun the prince to face him. "Does your hand wield the weapon that blinds me?"

"No!" Noctis said, horrified.

"Then it is not your fault, Noctis! A small sacrifice in the greater battle."

Noctis started. Ignis had said those exact words to him in Altissia. Ignis wrapped his arms around Noctis, resting his cheek on the top of Noctis' head.

"Listen to me, Noctis," Ignis whispered. Noctis raised his hands and grasped the lapels of Ignis' jacket. He could feel Ignis' heat sinking into his skin. "Are you listening?"

"Yes, Ignis."

"Luna's death and my injury, they mean nothing in the scheme of things. Our job is to help you succeed. To get you to the end. You are the light in the darkness, Noctis. You are the only one who can turn back the night. Luna knew that. I know that. You guide all of us with your light. You are the hope of the people."

He thought he heard the door open. He ignored whoever it was. They didn't matter. He had to get this through Noctis' head.

"You aren't alone. We cannot bear the burden for you, but we can try to make it easier for you to bear. I will gladly lose my sight if it means your success. I would die for you. Gladio would die for you. Prompto would die for you."

"Ignis, how can I be a light to the people if I can't find my way out of the dark?"

Ignis lifted his head and cupped Noctis' cheek. "You said it yourself. Look to the distance, and know that we are there for you. I am there for you."

"Ignis…what about you?"

Ignis smiled sadly. "What do you mean?"

"You're…you're different…after Altissia. I can't…it's hard."

"If I know me, and I'm pretty sure I know myself fairly well by now," Noctis snorted at the sheer absurdity of Ignis' statement. Ignis smiled down at him.

"I am hurting, Noctis. I am hurting deeply, but I am hiding it. I have to be strong for you, all of you. I will…probably be close to breaking and hiding it. Don't let me."

Noctis tightened his hands on Ignis' lapels. "You've always been the strong one, Ignis."

Ignis nodded slowly. "That's why I probably won't let anyone in. I will feel like I failed. I will blame myself for Luna's death, for your pain. And then I will bury it. I won't let it out, and it will eat at me like a cancer until I break."

"Gladio won't let me be alone with you."

"You are the king, Noctis. He is your shield. If he continues to be an ass, order him. Be the king I know you are. Make him decide if he truly wants to be your shield, with all that it means and entails."

Noctis nodded. "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand."

Ignis swallowed. "Noct?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave me behind."

Noctis looked up at him in shock. "What?"

"Promise me that you won't leave me behind. I…I know I will be a burden, but please, don't leave me." Ignis' voice was shaking. His fingers brushed Noctis' cheeks, dashing away tears.

"I won't, Ignis. I can't do this without you."

Ignis nodded shakily. "Thank you." He tilted Noct's head back and pressed his lips against the prince's. Noctis leaned into the kiss. It was gentle, and sad, and tasted of bittersweet tears.

"I love you," Ignis whispered against his lips. "From now until eternity, and whatever waits beyond."

"I love you, Ignis."

Ignis stepped back from him, his eyes sad. He turned and paused. Prompto stood in the doorway, eyes wide. Ignis stepped forward and gently steered Prompto from the room.

"We'll give you a few minutes, highness."

Noctis nodded, but didn't say anything. Ignis closed the door with a snap.

FFXV

A few minutes earlier…

Prompto looked at Gladio. "You think I should see if they're awake?"

"Less of a chance that Ignis will murder you, so yeah, go for it."

Prompto rolled his eyes and stood up. He wanted everything to go back to normal, back to the way things were before Gladio had left. Maybe Altissia would bring them all back together! That would be grand.

Prompto opened the door to Ignis' and Noctis' room. He opened his mouth to call to them and froze.

Ignis and Noctis stood in the center of the room. Ignis had one arm around Noct's waist and the other was cupping his cheek. Noctis was clinging to the lapels of Ignis' jacket. They were both crying.

Prompto could see Ignis talking, but he couldn't make out the words. They had to know he was standing here, but they ignored him. The only thing that seemed to matter to them was each other.

Prompto eyes widened when Ignis lowered his head and kissed Noctis on the lips. Prompto felt his heart twist. It was most gentle, heartfelt kiss he had ever seen.

He could read Noct's lips when he told Ignis that he loved him. Prompto felt like crying, and he wasn't sure why. What had happened? What had put that heartbroken look on both their faces?

He looked up at Ignis as the man guided him from the room. Ignis stopped at the door.

"We'll give you a few minutes, highness." He closed the door gently behind them.

Prompto swallowed. Ignis looked…empty, devastated.

"Ignis?" Prompto whispered. "Is everything alright?"

Ignis looked at Prompto. He took in Prompto's blond hair, the freckles across his nose, his expressive blue eyes. He would never be able to look upon Prompto's laughing face again. He would miss that.

Prompto was shocked when Ignis suddenly pulled him against him in a one armed hug. Ignis had never been one for casual touching.

Ignis squeezed him gently and let him go. "Everything is fine. Is there Ebony brewing?" He walked to the kitchen.

Gladio was watching them, confused. He hadn't seen what had happened in the room, but he could tell that something had happened. Ignis looked drained.

"Ignis?" he asked.

Ignis turned and looked at Gladio. Gladio was taken aback. It looked like Ignis had been crying.

"Yes, Gladio?"

"Everything going to be okay?"

Ignis paused, taking a sip of coffee. He walked forward and dropped his hand on Gladio's shoulder. He squeezed it. He would never take these men for granted again. He wanted to memorize their faces. He didn't want to lose them. He didn't want to forget what they looked like.

"Everything will work out the way it should, Gladio. We just need to give it some time."

Gladio and Prompto traded glances. What had happened? What did Ignis mean?

There was a scratching at the door. Ignis walked over to it and opened it.

"Ah, Umbra. Hello."

Umbra trotted into the room and sat before Ignis. Ignis reached down and stroked the dog's head. His stomach was knotted. He knew why Umbra was here.

"He's waiting for you. Come with me." Ignis led the dog across the room. Prompto and Gladio were silent.

Ignis opened the door to Noct's room and Umbra leaned against Ignis' leg before darting into the room. Ignis stared into the room, fisted his hand over his heart, and bowed. He shut the door again and turned back to the others.

"Noctis will be along in a bit. Let's go get breakfast."

"What's going on, Iggy?" Gladio asked. "Something's off."

Ignis smiled tiredly at him. "I assure you, everything will happen as it is supposed to."

"That makes like, no sense," Prompto said. Gladio nodded. Ignis put his hand on Gladio's arm. He was going to have to get used to touching them more often. He was going to need their help to get around.

"Everything will be fine. Trust in that." Ignis sighed and took another sip of his coffee. "Come, we must give Noctis some time."

He led the other two from the hotel. He paused, staring up at the cloud strewn sky.

He would miss this.

FFXV

Noctis stumbled to the bed after Ignis shut the door. He wiped his eyes. He sat there. He needed Umbra.

Umbra.

He closed his eyes, thinking of the messenger dog.

He glanced up when the door opened again. Ignis stood framed in the door, Umbra at his feet. Noctis watched as Umbra leaned against Ignis' long legs. He felt his eyes well with tears when Ignis saluted him.

The door shut again, leaving him and Umbra alone.

He was afraid to go back. He couldn't stay here. He pulled the ring out of his pocket and looked at it.

"I know I haven't been doing very well lately, Dad. But I'm going to try to better. I'm going to walk tall. I hope…I hope one day you can be proud of me." He stuck the ring back in his pocket and looked at Umbra.

"Take me back."

He stared into Umbra's eyes. Everything narrowed down to Umbra. The hotel room faded away, colors swirled around him. He felt like he slipped off the bed, and everything went dark.


	7. Chapter 7 NOW

AN: Thanks for the reviews. Back to the present now. This chapter gets dark. Mentions self-harm, suicide, attempted suicide.

Please let me know what you think

FFXV doesn't belong to me. Not Beta-ed, all mistakes mine

 **Now**

Ignis woke as he had every time since Altissia; in a sheer panic.

He still dreamed in color, and being wrenched from his dreams to be dropped back into a world of darkness was…

Horrible. Unfair.

He flailed around his bed for a moment, finally wrenching himself to a sitting position. His heart thundered in his chest, his lungs constricted. It had been like this every morning. He shoved his fist into his mouth and bit down on his knuckles to silence the wail that wanted to break free.

His knuckles were raw and scarred. Waking up had been a nightmare since Altissia. He couldn't seem to sleep at normal times. He didn't know what time it was. It was always dark.

And when he did sleep…he woke up screaming.

The first time Gladio had burst into the room, and Ignis had nearly stabbed him in panic when Gladio had grabbed his shoulders to wake him up.

Gladio hadn't realized that Ignis had already been awake.

After that, Gladio slept in the same room as Ignis. It was oppressive. Ignis wanted to be alone with his misery, didn't Gladio get that?

It was his fault. Lady Lunafreya's death, Noctis' pain, and his own blinding. It was his fault. Gladio blamed Noctis. Noctis blamed himself.

His mouth flooded with the taste of his own blood. As always, his lungs opened and his heartrate slowed as soon as he tasted it. He took a shuddering breath and slowly dropped his fist, cradling it in his other hand.

His eyes hurt. They always hurt.

The doctors had told him to keep his eyes closed. They said it might help his vision return. They had recommended a blindfold. He told them no. Potions hadn't worked. Nothing had worked.

He listened intently. He could hear Gladio breathing evenly across the small train compartment. Prompto and Noctis were next door. Gladio hadn't let Ignis be alone with Noctis since the day the prince had woken up the first time after Altissia.

Gladio had been so angry that Ignis had slipped away that day. Ignis needed to be in the same room as Noctis. He wanted to be there when the prince woke up.

There was a part of him that hoped that when Noctis woke up, Ignis would be able to see again. He had heard Noctis wake up, and had still felt the crushing weight of darkness. He was still blind. He couldn't see Noctis. He brushed away Noctis' concern and stumbled from the room.

Gladio had been livid. Ignis didn't care. Ignis didn't care about much anymore.

He felt…distant. It was like he wasn't even in his body anymore. It was hard to care. He couldn't see. He was in pain all the time, and nothing seemed to help. It was hard to care through the pain.

It was like a fire constantly burning behind his eyes, a fire that nothing could quench. Ignis had always been good at compartmentalizing, and he figured that was the only thing that had kept him sane this long.

The edges were starting to fray. It was getting harder to pretend to be strong in front of the others. With Gladio and Prompto constantly hovering, and Noctis walling himself off, Ignis had never felt so alone.

He couldn't see them. It was almost like…Ignis didn't exist on the same level as them anymore. He was constantly trying to keep up with them, calling out to them. He was alone.

He would always be alone.

Ignis felt useless. He couldn't cook. He could barely care for himself on his own. He could hardly walk from one end of the train car to the other without running into something or someone.

He was ashamed.

If he stood up too quickly, he tended to lose his balance, the world swaying alarmingly beneath his feet. Without a point of reference, he was like a ship lost at sea.

He could hear the whispers of the other passengers on the train. Children were afraid of him.

"Look at the scary man, Mommy. What happened to his face?" It hurt. Ignis had never been a horribly vain man, but he knew he was handsome, and he cared about his appearance. He wondered what he looked like now.

If he was truly honest with himself, he didn't want to know.

The children weren't the only ones whispering.

He had overheard Gladio and Prompto talking a week ago (was it a week ago? It was so hard to tell the passing of time now). He had been making his way slowly back to the dining car when he passed the compartment he shared with Gladio. The door had been open a crack. His other senses were already much more acute than they had been. Gladio's voice had stopped him cold.

"We have to leave him."

"What?" Prompto said, his voice rising.

"Quiet!" Gladio hissed. "Have you looked at him lately?"

Ignis was confused. They were talking about Noctis, weren't they? His hand clenched around the head of his cane. Even then, he knew they weren't talking about the prince. He simply lied to himself.

"He was hurt, Gladio. We have to give him time."

"It's been weeks, Prompto. I want Ignis to get his sight back as much as he does, but there's been no improvement."

Ignis had nearly collapsed. They were talking about leaving him behind.

"We can't leave him."

"We're going straight into the heart of the Empire. We can't be worried about dragging a blind man along with us."

Ignis' eyes burned behind his eyelids. That's all he was now, a blind man.

"I can't believe you said that," Prompto said softly. "I can't believe you would leave him behind."

"My job is to protect Noctis. It's hard enough to do without having to worry about protecting Ignis too. We don't even know if he can fight anymore."

"Have you talked to Noctis about this?"

"You know I haven't. Noctis isn't exactly in a great place himself. I'm hoping stopping at the tomb in Cartanica will snap him out of his moping."

"Gods, you can be such a dick, Gladio."

"Hey!"

They were silent for a moment. Ignis couldn't catch his breath. He took great, gulping breaths.

They wanted to leave him.

"I think it's a bad idea," Prompto said suddenly. Ignis focused on his voice.

"What?"

"Leaving Ignis. I don't think we should, and I don't think you should mention it to Noct."

"Why not?"

Prompto sighed. "Because I think if we left Ignis behind, Noctis would hate you forever and Ignis…Ignis would die."

Gladio didn't say anything for a moment. "Why do you think Ignis would die?"

Ignis found it interesting that he didn't deny that Noctis would hate him.

"Because Noctis is everything to Ignis. I think the only reason Ignis hasn't…I think the only reason Ignis is still here is because of the pain it would put Noct through if he died."

Ignis leaned against the window. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Prompto was smarter than he seemed. Because Prompto had been right.

Two weeks after Altissia, on the train, he thought about ending it all. He held his daggers in his hands and thought about driving the blade into his chest. He knew how to kill a man, and killing himself would be easy.

Then he thought about Noctis, and he couldn't do it.

Two days later, he sliced a diagonal cut across the meat of his thigh. Pain in a different part of his body seemed to make the pain behind his eyes lessen.

He started cutting himself. He always made sure it was in a place the others wouldn't see; his legs, his chest, wherever he could reach on his back.

The pain made him real. The pain made him focus. The pain made him matter.

Sometimes, he considered poisoning the blades. He was never strong enough.

Ignis had walked away from Gladio and Prompto as fast as he could. He hid in the tiny bathroom. Prompto was right.

If they left him behind, he would kill himself. He would sit on a bench where the sun would warm his face. He would try to remember the sunrise. He would remember Noct's face, and then he would drive the blade into his heart.

Maybe they would come back for him. Maybe Gladio would be the one to find him, slumped over on the bench. There wouldn't be much blood, because the blade would stopper the wound. Maybe they would think he was sleeping, and Gladio would put his hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently to rouse him.

His body would fall sideways and they would see the dagger. They would know it was their fault.

Part of him liked that thought. He wanted them to hurt like he was hurting. Maybe his death would do that.

Or maybe they would continue on, and it would be some stranger that found his body. He would just be a nameless body, in an anonymous grave. The others would never know.

They wouldn't care. He was a broken man. He only slowed them down.

Ignis' took a deep breath, tearing himself out of that line of thought. He didn't want to remember that conversation.

His shoulder ached. Had he slept wrong?

He rolled his neck. He ghosted his hand over his bloody knuckles. The blood was already tacky. That was good. He would put his gloves on and nobody would be any wiser to what he had done.

He listened to Gladio's breathing and felt another wave of anger. He hated Gladio a little bit in that moment. It was completely irrational, and he knew that, but he didn't care. Anger and hatred were easy.

What in the hell was wrong with his right shoulder?

He reached up his uninjured hand and pulled the collar of his sleep shirt aside. His fingers felt around for a moment, and then he froze.

There was a strange scar on his shoulder. His lungs started to constrict again. He didn't remember getting it. What was it from? Not from Altissia, it didn't feel right. It was too old.

He traced it with his fingers. It…it seemed to be a bite mark.

With a cry, he fell back, shoving his fist back into his mouth to silence his screams. He could almost see Noctis above him, mouth open in rapture. He could almost feel his cock buried deep inside Noctis. He could almost feel Noctis' teeth come together in the meat of his shoulder. He could almost see Noctis coming; he could feel the prince's hot seed mixing with his blood on his chest.

He tasted his own blood. It didn't seem to be calming him down this time.

None…none of that happened, right? He would remember that. Wouldn't he?

More memories (dreams? He didn't know) rushed through his mind. It was almost like he was watching it happen to someone else. Like watching someone else's dream through a sheet of ice.

He was holding Noctis, telling him he loved him. Noctis told him the same.

Ignis breathed though the blood in his mouth. Had that been real? He thought he remembered (dreamed?) about Umbra.

Umbra.

Was it possible?

Ignis managed to finally slow his breathing. He needed to talk to Noctis. He needed…he needed…he took a deep breath and dropped his hand from his mouth. He sat up again, slowly. He did not want Gladio to wake up. Thankfully, the man was a heavy sleeper.

Ignis' hands fluttered around the end of the bed. His fingers brushed the thin frames of his glasses. He held them in his hands.

It wasn't like he needed them anymore. Sure, the doctors had said the dark lenses could help, but he knew the real reason they wanted him to wear them.

It shielded other people from the scars. They didn't have to look at them and see it. The glasses hid them.

He unfolded the frames and gently put them on. The weight was still comforting, even if it made the bridge of his nose hurt. No one had asked if wearing the glasses hurt. They just told him to wear the glasses.

He used the corner of his shirt to wipe the blood from his knuckles. He had to talk to Noctis, now. He wasn't going to waste time putting on his gloves. He reached out and grasped the edge of the bed. He stood up slowly, giving himself a moment to orient himself.

He moved slowly, fingers brushing the wall. He left the cane. He was just walking to the next room. He didn't need the fucking thing for that. His hand reached the door, and he felt around until he touched the handle. He slid the door open as quietly as possible. It seemed incredibly loud to him.

Gladio still didn't wake. Ignis slid the door shut and leaned against the wall. He hurt. He gasped slightly as he straightened up, his hand still on the wall. Prompto and Noctis were one room to the right of his. When they had first gotten on the train, Ignis had made sure he could make his way to both rooms without assistance.

His hand touched the door, and he searched for the handle. He gave a frustrated moan when he couldn't find it at first. Finally, his hand collided with the handle. He bit back a strangled yelp. He shouldn't have been using his injured hand to feel his way around. He was probably bleeding again.

He pulled open the door, not trying to be quiet.

Prompto sat up when he heard the door open. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. Ignis stood framed in the door. He looked awful. Prompto swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"Ignis?"

Ignis started. "Prompto. I…I didn't mean to wake you. I'll…let you sleep." Ignis was suddenly afraid.

"Wait, Ignis." Prompto jumped out of his bed and gently touched Ignis' side. "What's up?"

"I needed to see-" he cut himself off with a horrible laugh. It raised the hair on Prompto's neck.

"Stupid, so stupid, Ignis," Ignis muttered to himself. "You can't see." He was starting to breathe fast again.

"Ignis!" Prompto said. "Calm down. Talk to me."

"I needed to…know Noctis was there." Ignis voice was soft, desperate. Prompto had never heard him sound like that before.

Prompto guided Ignis to his bed. "Here," he said, sitting the taller man down, "I'll go stay in your bed. Noctis is in the other bed. Are…are you going to be okay?"

"Yes. I'll…I'll be fine. Thank you, Prompto."

Prompto squeezed his shoulder. Ignis flinched slightly. Prompto had touched the bite scar. Prompto tried not feel slighted by Ignis' flinch. He walked out of the room and slid the door shut.

Ignis sat there, listening to Noctis' soft breathing. He had to touch him. He had to feel the heat of his skin and know that he was real.

Ignis lurched to his feet and took a step. His foot caught on what he was sure was a frayed piece of carpet, or clothing, or what he didn't know. He went down hard.

His glasses slipped from his face and hit the ground. He thought he heard one of the lenses crack. He was on his hands and knees. He felt around the floor, his breathing rapid. He was close to tears.

He didn't want to cry. Crying hurt. Crying made the fire behind his eyes rage.

His fingers finally found the glasses. His thumb brushed over the lenses. One of them was cracked. It shouldn't have broken that easily. Glasses actually weren't that easy to break. They had withstood so much. Behemoth attacks, the Titan, dungeons. Maybe the dark lenses were a different kind of glass. He didn't know.

All it took to break them was a fall.

They were cracked.

They were broken.

Just like him.

Ignis' hand convulsed, his fist tightening around his glasses. He heard the glass break, and felt the glass drive into his palm.

With a strangled cry, he threw the glasses at the wall. He heard them hit. He curled in on himself, slamming his fists into the floor.

Broken.

Shattered.

Useless.

He could feel his blood flowing over his palms. He could feel the glass slicing into his skin.

His eyes burned. He could feel tears rolling down his cheeks. It hurt.

Pain. Pain meant he was alive.

He didn't want to be alive. He wished he had died in Altissia. He wished he had been brave enough to end it himself. He wished he had died in the attack that had killed his parents and sent him to Insomnia with his uncle.

He wanted to be numb. He didn't want to feel anymore. He could hardly remember why he had come in here. What did it matter if he had made love to Noctis or not? It was nothing but a pain induced dream.

He was broken. Useless.

He couldn't do it anymore. He was so tired. He was tired of the arguments the others were having. He was tired of hurting.

He didn't want to hurt anymore.

Lunafreya was lucky. Regis was lucky. They didn't hurt anymore. They were free.

He pushed himself to sitting position. He leaned back against Prompto's bed. He took shaky, shuddering breaths. Everything hurt.

It wasn't fair.

He wanted to see again. He wanted to stop hurting.

He could do one of the two.

It was hard to pull the dagger from the armory. He was trembling. He caressed the blade. It was sharp.

He tilted his head back.

"I'm sorry, Noctis," he whispered. "You'll…you'll be better off. I can't…I can't…Noctis…" he was sobbing.

He wanted to stop. Crying hurt so much. It was like someone was driving a knife through his eyes into his skull. It was like reliving the pain of Altissia over and over. He could never forget. The pain wouldn't let him.

He pressed the blade against his arm.

The first cut was shallow. It didn't hurt.

The second cut was deeper. He felt the blood well up. Still not enough pain.

He wanted to be numb.

FFXV

Noctis woke with a start. He was confused. Where was he?

He remembered…

He had gone back. He had apologized to Ignis. He had made love to Ignis. He had come back.

He was in the train. After Altissia. Ignis was blind.

Ignis. He thought about what Ignis had said. He said that he was hurting. Noctis understood pain. He swallowed back tears. Always more tears.

What had woken him up?

He could hear someone in the room with him, crying. He thought it was Prompto. He reached over and turned on the lamp.

It wasn't Prompto.

Ignis was sitting on the floor, leaning against the other bed. He had blood running down his cheeks. His right hand was covered in blood. His left hand clutched his dagger, and he was drawing it repeatedly over the muscle of his right arm. Each cut was deeper than the last.

"Ignis!" Noctis threw himself from the bed and wrenched the blade from Ignis' hand. He pressed his hands over the wounds on Ignis' arm. Ignis struggled, trying to get away from him.

"Don't touch me! Just leave me be! I'm broken! Let me go!"

"Don't talk like that, Iggy!" Noctis was panicked. He hadn't expected this. He felt horrible. He hadn't realized Ignis had been hurting this much. He had been so blinded by his own pain that he couldn't see Ignis'.

He could feel Ignis' hot blood welling under his hand. There was a lot of blood. He reached into himself and pulled from his magic, willing the fresh wounds to heal.

Ignis froze when he felt Noctis' magic wrap around him. "No, no, don't waste it on me."

"It's not a waste, Ignis," Noctis said roughly. He was having a hard time comparing this Ignis to the one he had just left. That Ignis had been strong. But Noctis knew…that Ignis hadn't been hurt yet.

Ignis started to struggle again. He wasn't thinking clearly. He wanted to be numb. He wanted the knife back.

"Ignis, Ignis, please, calm down. Ignis. Listen to me. Please stop," Noctis whispered. Noctis grabbed Ignis' hands. Ignis tried to yank his hands back. Noctis didn't let go. He flipped Ignis' hands over and saw glass embedded in the other man's palms.

Noctis began picking the glass from his hands. Ignis sat there, unmoving.

"What's the glass from?" Noctis asked, trying to sound normal.

"Glasses," Ignis panted. Noctis froze. It hadn't even registered that Ignis wasn't wearing his glasses. His eyes moved to Ignis' face. It was the first time he had seen him without the glasses since Altissia.

The wound over his left eye and temple was ugly. A deep red, it seemed to have nearly fused his left eye shut. It ran over his eye in streaks, like a river running over stones. His right eyebrow was bisected, the wound just as red and raw as the one over his left eye. He had a slice across the bridge of his nose, and another one his lower lip.

Noctis couldn't tear his gaze away from Ignis' right eye. The beautiful green was gone. His iris was stone grey, with tiny flecks of green still visible. It reminded Noctis of a rock with moss on it. The whites of his eye were blood red.

Ignis was crying blood. He heard Noctis' sudden intake of breath, and he turned his head. He was ugly.

"Don't look at me, Highness, please." Ignis' voice was rough, cracked.

Noctis cupped his cheek and turned his head back to him. Ignis tried to duck away.

"You lied to Prompto yesterday." Noctis said softly.

Ignis had not expected him to say that. "I…I don't know what you mean."

"You said your wounds had healed. Your eyes aren't healed, are they?"

Ignis whimpered and closed his eyes. He knew they would never heal.

"How much pain are you in, Ignis?" Noctis rubbed his thumb on Ignis' cheek, smearing the bloody tears against his pale skin.

"I…it doesn't matter, Highness. I will be fine."

"Ignis…" Noctis sighed, stroking Ignis' bloody hands. "A wise man told me something about you. He said that you were hurting, and you were hiding it. He said that you were blaming yourself for Altissia, for Luna, for the pain I feel."

Ignis went completely still. Noctis wasn't even sure if he was breathing. "He said you were close to breaking."

"I am broken."

Noctis had never heard anyone sound so utterly lost. Ignis' voice was small, afraid. They sat in silence. Ignis trembled.

Noctis wondered if this was how Ignis had felt when Noctis had traveled back. Had Ignis been afraid that Noctis was broken and nothing he could do would fix it? He didn't know what to do. He wanted to pull Ignis against him, hold him like Ignis had held him. Comfort him like Ignis had comforted him.

But he was afraid. Ignis hadn't said anything about that night. Did he remember?

"Noctis?" Ignis whispered.

"Yes, Ignis?"

"Did…was it real?"

Noctis blinked. "What?"

Ignis raised a trembling hand to his right shoulder. Noctis leaned forward and pulled the shirt out of the way.

It was there. Small, faded, but it was there.

The bite mark Noctis had left on Ignis in a moment of passion. His fingers brushed it.

"Do you remember?" Noctis asked, his voice trembling.

"I don't know," Ignis said. "I think I remember, but it's like a dream. Was it real?"

Noctis was silent. He leaned over and kissed the scar.

"Yes. It was real."

Ignis wrenched his hand away from Noctis and much to Noct's surprise, bit down on his knuckles. He saw fresh blood well out of his mouth. A high, keening whine escaped Ignis' throat.

Noctis stared, and then pulled Ignis against him. His own eyes burned with tears. It hurt to see Ignis like this. Ignis had always been the strong one. He whispered Ignis' name over and over again.

Noctis wasn't sure how long it took for Ignis to lower his bleeding hand. He could see the blood staining Ignis' lips. He could see older scars and scabs on Ignis' knuckles. How long had this been going on?

Ignis leaned against him, heavy and boneless. Noct stroked his back, his sides. He paused when Ignis whimpered in pain. He frowned, and leaned back. His fingers reached for the bottom of Ignis' shirt.

He lifted it and froze. Ignis had shallow cuts crisscrossing his stomach, his ribs, his back.

"Ignis…" he said. Ignis curled away from him. No one was supposed to see those. "Why?"

"I…I…don't…helps me. It helps."

Noctis gently ran his hands down the wounds, healing magic dancing across his fingers to the shallow cuts. He tried to heal Ignis' eyes. His magic couldn't even touch the wounds.

"How?"

"Makes my eyes hurt less," Ignis tried to pull away, Noctis pulled him back.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You were hurting."

Noctis felt a wave of sadness wash over him. Ignis didn't want to add to his pain. "What about Gladio and Prompto?"

Ignis tensed. "They want to leave me behind."

Noctis froze. "What?"

"I heard them. Gladio wants to leave me behind. I'm broken. I'm useless. I'm a burden. Just leave me."

"Ignis, I am not leaving you behind. I promised. Do you remember? You asked me not to leave you behind."

"It was a foolish thing to ask for. What can I do for you anymore? I'm useless, broken. I'm nothing but a burden. You have enough on your shoulders, I can't…I can't add to that weight. You shouldn't have gone back. We shouldn't have…shouldn't have…" he couldn't catch his breath. His lungs constricted. He closed his eyes. He bit down on his knuckles again, the taste of blood flooding his mouth. It wasn't working.

Noctis wrapped his arms around Ignis, rocking back and forth.

"Oh, Ignis. Don't you know that you make the burden less?" He rested his cheek against the top of Ignis' head. Tears fell onto Ignis' hair. "I can't do this without you."

Ignis wrapped his free arm around Noct's waist. His other hand was still in his mouth, teeth grinding into his skin.

"I'm broken," he mumbled around his knuckles.

Noctis pressed a kiss into Ignis' hair. "Ignis, Ignis. Do you remember when you told me that I was the light in the darkness? Do you remember that?"

He felt Ignis nod against him. "I asked how I could be a light when I couldn't find my way out of the dark."

Ignis shuddered. The memories were coming back. He swallowed convulsively, blood sliding down his throat. He remembered.

"You're my light, Ignis. You're my light. I can't do this without you. I need you. Don't leave me, Ignis. If you're broken, I'm broken. Maybe we're both broken," Noctis was openly crying now. "But if we're broken, well, maybe our broken edges fit together. Don't hide from me, Ignis."

He could feel Ignis' tears. They were thick, sticky. Blood. It didn't matter to Noctis.

"I'm here for you, Ignis. Let me help you."

"I'll just slow you down."

"Then we'll take it slow. I'm not leaving you behind. I love you, Ignis. Without you…I can't face the darkness without you."

Ignis held him. "I'm afraid," Ignis whispered.

"Of what?"

"I'm afraid of the dark, Noctis. I can't…nothing seems real except for pain. I'm afraid to sleep. I see," he choked, "I can see when I sleep, and when I wake up, everything is dark. The dark is eating me alive, Noctis. I'm already dead."

Noctis felt his heart break. He pressed his lips against Ignis' forehead, brushing gentle kisses down the right side of his face. The wound still looked too fresh on his left side.

"Know that I am here, Ignis," Noctis whispered against his skin. "Know that I will always watch over you. When you need to remember that there's more than pain, reach for me. I will be there."

"I don't want to be a burden," Ignis whispered into Noct's neck.

"I know. Ignis, you've always helped me carry my burdens. You've been the only reason I could wake up some days, especially since we left the citadel. You're not a burden. You'll never be a burden."

Ignis clung to him. He wanted to weep, but it hurt so much. Noctis stroked his back.

"We're going down to the tomb today. You're coming with us."

Ignis swallowed. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I can't go into a tomb without you. There might be spiders."

Ignis snorted. "I don't think I'll be much help with spiders."

Noctis pressed their foreheads together. "You'll be there with me, and that's a big enough help." He gently disentangled himself from Ignis.

"C'mon, let me help you clean up a bit and we can sleep."

He pulled Ignis to his feet and directed him to sit on the bed. Ignis listened as Noctis opened a water bottle and unzipped a bag.

Noctis pulled out one of his clean shirts and dumped water on it. He took Ignis' hands and gently wiped the blood from his knuckles. Ignis didn't say anything. His head was bowed and his body was tense. Noctis tilted his head back and wiped the bloody tear tracks from Ignis' cheeks. When Ignis was as clean as he could get him, he set the dirty shirt down.

He touched Ignis' shoulder. "Lay down, Iggy."

Ignis complied, his body stiff. Noctis turned off the lamp and climbed into the bed next to Ignis. He pulled the blanket up.

"Noctis," Ignis whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I…I panic when I wake up. I don't want to hurt you." His voice was painfully soft.

Noctis rested his head on Ignis' chest and threw his arm across his waist. "You won't panic, Iggy. I'll be here."

Ignis' arm came around him slowly, almost like he was afraid to touch him. Noct lifted himself slightly and shimmied up until he could feel Ignis' breath across his face.

He knew that he would have to face his own issues. Going back hadn't fixed them. The pain was still there. The guilt was still there. But helping Ignis took precedent. He didn't know what he would do without Ignis. He pressed his forehead against Ignis'.

"You know what follows us after death, Ignis?"

He felt Ignis' breath dance across his lips. "Love, Noctis."

Noctis smiled sadly. "Always love." He pressed his lips against Ignis' in a gentle kiss.

"Sleep, Ignis. Let me watch over you for once."

Ignis was afraid. He was afraid if he slept, this would vanish like a dream. None of it would be real. He would just be a blind, useless, broken man.

Noctis kissed him again. "I love you, Ignis. Nothing could change that."

Ignis swallowed. He could still taste his blood on his tongue. "And I love you, Noctis."

Noctis smiled and rested his head back against Ignis' chest. He gently stroked Ignis' hip, listening to his heartrate drop and his breathing deepen.

"Dream well, Ignis. I'll be waiting for you."


	8. Chapter 8 NOW

AN: Thank you for the kind reviews on the last chapter. They are much appreciated. Let me know what you think of this one.

SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE DAMN GAME

FFXV doesn't belong to me, not beta-ed, all mistakes mine.

 **Now**

 _Ignis had no idea where he was. The only thing he could hear was his fast, panicked breathing. He bit down on his knuckle, tasting the leather of his gloves._

 _He took a cautious step forward. His footstep echoed. Wherever he was, it seemed to be a large room. He took his fist from his mouth. Now he was curious. He pulled off one of his gloves and knelt slowly. His bare hand touched the floor._

 _It was stone. It was cool to the touch, and felt aged._

 _His breathing was slower. That was good. He was calming down._

 _He took another slow step forward, and another. As he walked forward, the room seemed to get bigger._

 _He grunted when he walked into something._

" _Damn it," he muttered. He actually wished he had the cane with him; it would've stopped him from running into whatever it was. He was going to have a bruise across his waist._

 _He pulled off his other glove and shoved them both in his back pocket. He reached out to touch whatever it was._

 _It was also stone, and…it felt like a statue?_

 _It was a man, he realized as his fingers brushed over the man's thighs, hips, chest._

 _His hand slowed and his heart constricted. He didn't want to touch the statue's face._

 _He had to._

 _His fingers brushed over the statue's face. He knew that face. He knew it almost well as he knew his own._

 _There was a horrible, heart wrenching wail echoing around the chamber. It took a moment for Ignis to realize the sound was coming from him. He couldn't stop._

 _It was Noctis. He was in Noctis' Royal Tomb. Noctis was dead. Noctis was dead and Ignis was alone._

 _His knees buckled. His hand clenched around the effigy's face, his forehead resting against the stone. He had failed. He had failed Noctis._

 _Ignis' heartbroken wails finally died down to a soft whimper._

" _I'm so sorry, Noctis. I'm so sorry. I failed you."_

" _No you didn't."_

 _Ignis started. It was a woman's voice. He had heard it over the radio before, but never in person._

" _Lady…Lady Lunafreya?" Ignis whispered, his voice rough. His throat felt raw._

 _He felt gentle hands take his. Her thumbs traced his scarred knuckles._

" _May I sit beside you, Ignis?" she asked. He wished he could see her face._

 _He swallowed. "Of course, Lady Lunafreya."_

 _He heard her adjust her clothing and felt her sit beside him. Her body radiated heat. She kept her hands tight around his._

" _You didn't fail him, Ignis," she repeated. She touched his face gently. He shied back slightly._

" _He is dead, Lady Lunafreya, and…I…I…"_

" _Ignis," her voice cracked slightly, "Noctis is the chosen king. He…he was never going to survive."_

 _Ignis froze. "What?"_

" _It has been his destiny since the moment the crystal chose him. Regis knew. I knew."_

 _Ignis wrenched away from her, scrambling to his feet. He wanted to run, but he couldn't. He couldn't see._

 _A small sacrifice in the greater battle._

" _I…I…" Ignis couldn't get the words out. How could Noctis' own father send him to his death?_

" _I know, Ignis."_

" _No! You don't!" Ignis snarled. "I have been with him since he was three! I have seen him grow, and suffer. And for what? So I can lead him to his death?"_

 _I have been leading the man I love to his destruction, he thought._

 _Ignis felt his knees buckle again. He was on the ground, crying, broken._

 _He wished for death. He wished to join Noctis._

 _He felt Lunafreya's hand on his shoulder. In that instant he hated her. She was dead, and she would have him in death. He wished he could kill her again._

 _He had led Noctis to this. He had encouraged him, cajoled him, forced him, to death._

" _Listen to me, Ignis," Lunafreya's voice was soft. "Noctis will need you. You can't leave him yet."_

" _I should've died at Altissia," Ignis said. "It would've been better."_

" _NO!" Lunafreya said, her fingers grasping his chin and tilting his face up. "If you had died in Altissia, Noctis would've died as well. He would have gone after the Empire and tried to avenge you. He would have failed. And the world would be shrouded forever in darkness."_

" _What do I care?" Ignis asked bitterly. "The world is already shrouded in darkness for me. You will both be dead, and you will have him in death."_

 _Lunafreya sucked in a surprised breath._

" _Ignis, do you know what survives beyond death?"_

 _Ignis snorted, trying to pull away from her. "Love. Noctis told me. And you will be with him in death."_

" _Foolish man," she said, almost fondly. "Then you should know that Noctis loves you."_

" _You were his first love."_

 _He felt her lips graze his forehead. "Noctis is very dear to me. He is like my little brother. We were going to be wed because it is the Oracle's job to see the chosen king to the end. I love him, but he was only ever meant for you."_

 _Ignis was frozen. He wished he could believe it. She seemed to read his thoughts, pulling his head against her._

" _Your love sees him through, Ignis. Not mine. Not anyone else's. Yours. You are the one he has always turned to. You are the one that was always there for him. Why do think Regis never told you? You wouldn't have been able to look at him without telling him. Regis knew this. He knew you would never turn your back on him. He knew you, of all others, would be there with him until the end."_

 _Ignis leaned heavily against her. "So, you tell me now because I cannot see him?"_

" _No, I tell you now so you can be there for him. You are hurting, but your death would propel the King of Light into darkness."_

" _How can I be strong for him? How can I help him when I can't even help myself?"_

" _You must find a way, Ignis. I know it is difficult. Believe me, I know. I know what it is like to have your body ravaged by pain and failing you. I have been there. I would have died anyway. Ardyn simply hastened me on my way. It is the most difficult thing one can do, to be strong for someone else when your body betrays you at every turn."_

 _He felt tears running down his face. They were hot, sticky. He knew he was crying blood again. He tried to pull back. If she was wearing the white of her office he was going to stain her dress._

" _I think I can help you, Ignis." He felt her hands cup his face, and her forehead press against hers. "Blessed stars of life and light, deliver us from darkness blight."_

 _Ignis gasped. The pain behind his eyes lessened a bit._

" _I cannot heal you. Hopefully, the pain will be less when you wake up."_

" _What?"_

 _He could almost hear the smile in her voice. "Wonderful man, don't you know? You're asleep."_

FFXV

Ignis had been asleep for a little more than an hour. As he had told him, Noctis had stayed awake to watch over him. He had turned the lamp back on, because he knew it wouldn't bother Ignis.

How could it?

Noctis wanted to study Ignis' face. He sat up, keeping his hand over Ignis' heart. His eyes roved over the sleeping man's face.

Ignis was still the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He leaned over, pressing his lips against Ignis' forehead.

Looking at the scars, Noctis' guilt came back full force. He blinked back sudden tears. He caressed Ignis' cheek, fingers dancing over his skin. He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of Ignis inside him, the taste of Ignis' skin in his mouth.

He was glad Ignis remembered. He didn't know what he would've done if Ignis hadn't. He snuggled back against Ignis, his head back over the other man's heart. The steady beating was comforting.

Ignis was still alive. Noctis opened his eyes and wrapped his arm around Ignis' narrow waist. The man had lost weight. They all had, but it seemed like Ignis had lost more weight than the others. He'd have to make sure Iggy ate more.

Noctis felt Ignis tense beneath him. His heart was suddenly pounding under Noctis' ear. He lifted his head and looked at Ignis' face. His face was contorted in pain, and he was whimpering. Noctis sat up.

"Ignis. Ignis, wake up."

Ignis stirred, but he still wouldn't wake.

"Noctis, I'm sorry," Ignis whispered. Noctis frowned. "I failed you."

Noctis blinked. How had Ignis failed him? He shook Ignis' shoulder gently. He watched as Ignis shifted. He could see his eyes darting under his eyelids.

"Ignis! Ignis, wake up!"

Ignis' eyes flew open and he sat up, his arms flailing. Noctis managed to get his arms around Ignis, pinning the other man to the bed.

"Ignis, it's okay. It's me. You're safe."

"Noct…Noctis?" Ignis whispered.

"Yeah. You're okay. Bad dream?"

"Dream?" Ignis whispered. He got one of his arms free and touched his forehead. The pain was less. Had it been a dream?

Oh, gods in heaven. He remembered. Noctis was going to die, and it was Ignis' job to lead him there.

His hand shot out and collided with Noct's cheek. Noctis took his hand and turned it, pressing his cheek into Ignis' palm. Ignis' fingers moved over his face, trying to memorize the feel of his face.

It was like the statue in the tomb in his dreams.

He wrapped his arms around Noctis and held him. Noctis stroked his back, whispering Ignis' name.

This must have been how Ignis had felt when Noct had gone back in time and freaked out. He shifted, throwing a leg over Ignis' hips. Ignis whimpered, his arms tightening around the prince.

Noctis stared at his face. He could see fresh blood welling in Ignis' eyes. His brow was furrowed in pain.

"Don't cry, Ignis. It looks like it hurts."

Ignis swallowed roughly. "It does."

Noctis leaned forward and kissed the blood away from his eyes. He pressed their foreheads together.

"When you were asleep, you said you failed me," Noctis said softly. "How did you fail?"

Ignis clenched his hand on Noctis' back. "I wasn't there to help you in Altissia," Ignis said softly. "I…If I had been there…"

"If you had been there Ardyn would've killed you," Noctis said firmly. "You haven't failed me. You can't fail me."

Ignis whimpered. He wanted nothing more than to steal Noct away from all of the pain, the suffering, and darkness.

But he couldn't. He knew that.

He would stay by Noctis until the end. Until then, he would hold him as tight as he could.

Noctis gently pushed Ignis back and rested his head against his shoulder. "We have some time before we have to get ready. Let's just…sit here, like this."

Ignis felt the pain stab behind his eyes again. His eyes closed. He shoved the pain aside, focusing on Noctis in his arms.

"As you wish, Noctis."

FFXV

Gladio woke with a frown on his face. Something was off. He listened. Ignis' breathing was different. Gladio reached over and turned on the small lamp in the sleep compartment. He already knew what he would see.

Prompto was asleep in Ignis' bunk, and Ignis was nowhere to be seen.

Gladio growled and threw a pillow at Prompto. He woke with a start.

"Where's Ignis?"

Prompto groaned and sat up. "What?"

"Where is Ignis? That is his bed you're sleeping in."

Prompto yawned and rubbed his eyes. "He's with Noctis."

Gladio stood up. "What?"

Prompto blinked up at him. "What is your issue? What do you think is going to happen if they're alone together?"

"Ignis needs to heal; he doesn't need to deal with the emotional train wreck that Noctis has turned into."

"Wow," Prompto said, glaring at Gladio. "Really? You don't think that Noct has a reason to be, as you put it, an 'emotional train wreck'?"

"He's going to be king. Like I said yesterday, he needs to pull his head out of his ass."

"Shit, Gladio," Prompto was getting angry. He didn't get angry often, although it felt like he got angry a lot more after Altissia. "The rest of us aren't like you, okay? Noctis needs time to grieve-"

"He doesn't have time!"

"You think he doesn't know that? He's trying, Gladio. And Ignis-"

"Ignis needs to be alone."

"NO!" Prompto yelled. "Don't you get it? Why do you want to leave Ignis so badly?"

"I just don't think we're going to have time to wait for him." Gladio ran his hand through his hair and sat back down on his bed. He cradled his head in his hands. "Do you think I like doing this, Prompto? I've known both of them forever, and I've never seen them like this."

"Then back off," Prompto said softly. "When Ignis came to our room, he was scared, Gladio. He said he needed to know that Noctis was there. He sounded…Gods, Gladio, he sounded broken."

The two men sat in silence for a moment.

"I have to check on Ignis. Ignis doesn't need to be around Noctis right now."

"But he _wants_ to be, Gladio," Prompto said softly. "Don't you get it? Noctis is Ignis' life."

They sat in silence. Gladio walked to the door. "I'm going to go check on Ignis."

"Gladio," Prompto said.

"Yeah? Now what?"

"Check if you must, but if they seem okay, leave them for a while. We have a couple of hours before we all need to be ready to go down into the mine."

"Fine." Gladio stepped into the hallway and walked to the next door. He took a deep breath and opened it.

Ignis was sitting back against the wall, Noctis in his lap. Gladio could see bloody tear tracks down Ignis' face. Noctis turned his head and looked at Gladio, his eyes hard.

"What, Gladio?"

Gladio looked at Ignis. The man was clinging to Noctis, his thumbs drawing circles on Noct's lower back. He could see how tense Ignis was.

"You okay, Iggy?"

"Fine," Ignis said shortly. His voice trembled slightly, and he buried his face against Noctis' hair. Noctis continued to glare at Gladio.

"Do you need something?" Noctis asked.

"Ah, no. Just wanted to make sure you guys were good."

"As you can see, everything is dandy."

"Why is there blood on the floor?"

Noctis cursed himself for not cleaning up after Ignis had cut himself.

"I tripped," Ignis said into Noctis' hair. "Cut my arm on the corner of the bed."

Gladio stared at them. Ignis wasn't telling him something, but the man refused to look at him. He kept his face buried against Noctis' black hair.

"Okay. I'll start getting our things ready to go down into the mine."

"You do that," Noctis said, turning back to Ignis. Gladio blinked. It was a clear dismissal, and Gladio honestly couldn't remember a time when Noctis had ever done something like that.

Gladio snorted and slammed the door shut. He stormed back into his room. Prompto looked up at him.

"Everything okay?"

Gladio threw himself onto his bed. "Everything's fine. They were cuddling. Ignis was crying blood. There was a large blood stain on the floor. Pretty sure Ignis lied to me about what happened. So, yeah, everything's great."

Prompto sighed. He just wanted everything to go back to normal.

Gladio groaned and sat up. "Sorry, Prompto. Not trying to take it out on you."

"You shouldn't take it out on them, either. It's not their fault."

"Noctis should-"

"No, Gladio. You can say that Noctis needs to man up or whatever, but it wasn't his fault. Just…give them time, ya know?"

Gladio sighed. "Whatever."

FFXV

Noctis looked at Ignis, touching his cheek. "You okay?" he asked softly. He was pissed at Gladio. He was pissed the man had just barged in.

Ignis nodded.

"Gladio hasn't left you alone since Altissia," Noctis started.

Ignis nodded again. "He won't let me be alone. I just want to be alone."

Noctis sat back, trying not to feel hurt. He slowly got off of Ignis' lap. "I can leave, if you want to be alone."

Ignis gasped. He reached for Noctis, his fingers finding nothing but air. His heart fell. No. No. No. He didn't want Noctis to leave.

He moaned, shoving his fist into his mouth. He bit down as hard as he could stand, blood flooding his mouth. The fire behind his eyes raged and twisted. He pressed his other hand over his eyes. The fire didn't stop. If anything, the conflagration only worsened.

Noctis stared. He hadn't expected Ignis to react so violently. He saw fresh blood well from Ignis' fist. He touched Ignis' face.

Ignis recoiled, his head slamming against the wall. Noctis flinched.

"I'm sorry, Ignis. I'm not going anywhere." He managed to pry Ignis' hand away from his eyes. They looked even worse than they had hours ago.

Ignis groaned around his fist. He knew the truth. Noctis would be leaving.

"I'm sorry, Ignis, I didn't think before I spoke."

Ignis closed his eyes, trying to ease the burning. He took a deep breath and lowered his fist.

"I'm sorry, Noctis. I shouldn't have said that."

Noctis gave a strangled laugh. "We seem to always be apologizing to each other."

Ignis nodded, trying to move his head as little as possible. Noctis grabbed the still damp shirt he had used to clean Ignis' face a few hours earlier. He gently rubbed Ignis' face, stroking it over Ignis' eyes, down his cheeks, cleaning the blood.

He pressed it against Ignis' forehead. "Better?"

"Yes. Thank you, Noct."

Noctis folded the shirt over Ignis' eyes. He rested against Ignis' shoulder. He took his bloody hands in his, sending tendrils of healing magic through him.

They sat in silence. Noctis sighed, lacing his fingers through Ignis'.

"What did you dream about?" Noctis asked.

Ignis tensed. "I…"

"You don't have to tell me," Noctis said softly.

"I was in your tomb," Ignis said, his body stiff. Noctis kissed his shoulder. "I was in your tomb, and you were gone."

Noctis didn't know what to say.

"Lady Lunafreya came to me," Ignis said softly. "She said that…she said…"

"It's okay, Ignis." Noctis kissed his shoulder again.

"I love you, Noctis," Ignis said softly.

Noctis pulled the shirt off Ignis eyes and kissed his eyelids. "I love you, Ignis."

Ignis' arm went around Noct. "We should probably get ready," he said.

Noctis sighed. He was not looking forward to going down into the mine.

"I wish we had gone back to Duscae after Altissia," Noctis said against his shoulder. "We should've taken the time."

Ignis' arm tightened around him. He wished that they had gone back to Duscae as well. Gladio had pushed them forward.

Ignis knew better now. They didn't have a choice in the matter. Fate was a fickle bitch.

"I know," Ignis said softly. "But we're here, and we have nowhere to go but forward."

Noctis closed his eyes. "This is going to suck."


	9. Chapter 9 NOW

AN: here is the next chapter. more self harm. Thanks for the reviews.

FFXV doesn't belong to me, not beta-ed, all mistakes mine.

Please review and let me know what you think.

 **Now**

Noctis pressed one last gentle kiss against Ignis' shoulder and stood up. He went to his bag and rooted around in it for a moment, digging out relatively clean clothes. He pulled the shirt he had slept in off and put another black one on.

Ignis sat there, hands clasped in his lap, listening to Noctis undress. It made something hurt inside him. He remembered peeling Noct's pants off his body, Noctis laughing at Ignis carrying lube in his bag.

He wanted to see Noct's body again.

He heard more fabric rustle, and could only imagine Noctis pulling his pants up his lithe legs.

Noctis paused when he heard a small noise escape from Ignis' throat. He looked up. Ignis' head was bowed, hands twisting in the sheets. He glanced down and thought he knew what had bothered Ignis. He tried to imagine how he would feel if he knew Ignis was undressing feet from him and he couldn't watch.

He stepped to Ignis and took his hand. He ran his thumb over Ignis' palm and pressed Ignis' hand against his chest. Ignis' hand clenched over Noct's heart.

Noctis stood there, letting Ignis run his hand over his chest, relearning it by touch.

"Let me go get your bag," Noctis said softly. Ignis nodded and sat back, his hand falling into his lap. He didn't know how Noctis had known that at that moment he had needed to touch Noctis, but he didn't care. Noct had known.

Noctis moved to the door and slid it open. Prompto stood on the other side, his hand raised to knock. He had Ignis' bag under one arm and the cane in the other.

"Uh, hey?" Prompto said.

"Hi," Noctis said in surprise.

"I, uh, brought Ignis' things. I was hoping to grab mine. I didn't get them earlier."

Noctis stepped back, letting Prompto in. Prompto glanced at Ignis, sitting on Noctis' bed. He saw the blood stain that Gladio had mentioned. He set Ignis' bag next to him and leaned the cane against the end of the bed.

"Here's your things, Iggy," Prompto said.

"Thank you, Prompto. And…I'm sorry I kicked you out of your room."

"No biggie," Prompto said with a grin. He went over to his bag and started picking up his things that had spread across the room in the weeks they had been on the train.

Noctis stood in front of the small mirror in between the beds and finished styling his hair. He paused. On the floor at his feet were Ignis' twisted glasses frames. He knelt and picked them up. He could see Ignis' blood on the silver frames. The lenses were gone. He stuck the frames in his pocket next to the ring.

A reminder of what had been lost.

He turned. Prompto was half under his bed, ass in the air, digging for something.

"Dude, what are you doing?" he asked, kicking Prompto's butt as he walked back to Ignis.

"I think one of my memory cards is under here somewhere," Prompto's voice came from under the bed. "Along with a lot of other stuff. Eww…how long has it been since anyone cleaned under here?"

Ignis had one hand in his bag, feeling around for a shirt. Noctis touched his shoulder and pulled the shirt out. He glanced at Prompto, still under the bed. He touched Ignis' hip and peeled his bloodstained shirt over his head.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against the mark on Ignis' shoulder. The mark that meant that Ignis was his. He stood back up.

He could see faint scars crisscrossing Ignis' body. He frowned. His magic had healed the wounds, but left the scars. Ignis managed to snatch his clean shirt from Noctis' hands and shrug into it. He started to button it.

"You missed one," Noctis said so softly Ignis almost didn't hear him. Ignis paused, his head bowing.

He couldn't even dress himself properly. His hands fell away from the buttons. He had worn a t shirt and his jacket after Altissia. He hadn't tried to wear his leopard print button down. Now he knew why.

Thank the gods he hadn't tried to put it on in front of Gladio.

He felt Noctis' hands unbuttoning and rebuttoning the shirt correctly.

"You'll get there, Ignis," Noctis whispered. He reached over and grabbed a comb and his hair gel. He quickly and efficiently styled Ignis' hair in his preferred style. Ignis sat quietly under his hands.

He had raged against Gladio when the bigger man had offered to help with his daily ablutions. Yet he sat and took it from Noctis.

If Noctis wanted to help him dress every morning, Ignis was going to let him. He wanted Noct's hands on him as much as possible before…

Before Noctis died.

"Aha! Gotcha ya little bastard!" Prompto's voice came from under the bed. He wiggled backwards and lifted his arm triumphantly. He turned and went quiet.

Noctis was kneeling behind Ignis, styling the blind man's hair. Noctis was staring at Prompto with an amused half smile. Ignis' head was tilted towards him, a bewildered expression on his face.

"Glad you found it," Noctis said.

"Yeah, I'd be bummed without it," Prompto said softly.

Noctis finished Ignis' hair and handed the man a pair of pants. Ignis stood up slowly, one hand grasping the bed to keep his balance. He carefully pulled his sleep pants off and sat back down to pull the clean pair on. He didn't care if Noct or Prompto saw. He couldn't see their faces anyway.

Prompto's eyes widened when he saw the wicked scars across the tops of Ignis' thighs. He looked at Noctis.

Noctis' felt a wave of horror. He hadn't realized that Ignis had cut himself there as well. The wounds were deep. Some were raw, others semi healed. Noctis leaned over to Prompto.

"Do not tell Gladio about that," he hissed in the blonde's ear. Prompto nodded hastily. Gladio would lose his mind if he knew. He would blame Noctis, or Ignis.

Ignis paused, zipping his pants. He heard what Noctis had whispered to Prompto. He should've thought about his scars. Too late now.

His hand searched around for his shoes.

"Here," Noctis said softly. He touched Ignis' thigh, caressing the hidden scars. Prompto shoved the rest of his stuff back into his bag.

"Where's Gladio?" Noctis finally asked, watching Ignis shove his feet into his boots.

"Gathering the camp gear from the Regalia," Prompto said. "He said he'd meet us in the dining car for breakfast."

"Great. Guess we should get moving then," Noctis said. Ignis sighed. He pulled his gloves out of his bag and put them on. He'd need the cane. His hand reached out for it, and Noctis kicked it gently into his hand.

Ignis braced himself on the cane and stood up. He felt a wave of panic. He didn't have glasses.

"Noctis?"

Noct paused at the door. Prompto had walked out ahead of him.

"Yeah?"

"I…I have another pair of glasses in my bag. Can you get them for me?" his voice was soft, pleading. Part of him didn't want to wear the glasses, but he didn't know what to do without them.

"Sure thing." Noctis dug around in Ignis' well-organized bag until he found a glasses case. He popped it open and took out another pair of dark lensed glasses. He unfolded the frames and touched Ignis' cheek. Ignis bowed his head slightly, allowing Noctis to gently push the glasses onto his face.

"Thank you," Ignis whispered.

"Welcome," Noct whispered back.

Ignis put the cane out and walked slowly towards the door. He could hear Prompto in the hallway in front of him, walking slowly. Ignis trailed his fingers over the wall. Noctis walked behind him.

Noct's eyes traveled over Ignis. He watched as Ignis moved slowly down the hall, fingers tracing the wall, other hand wrapped around the head of the elaborate cane. He thought he could hear the ring clink against Ignis' broken glasses frames in his pocket.

A reminder. He would carry those frames with him until the end.

They finally reached the dining car. Noctis directed Ignis to a booth, and Prompto sat across from him.

"Four of the breakfast specials?" Noctis asked.

"Sure thing," Prompto said, bouncing in his seat.

"Please," Ignis said quietly.

Noctis touched his shoulder and smiled. He walked to the bar and placed the order. The tipster said the food would be up in a minute and he'd bring them their meals. Noct dropped into the seat next to Ignis.

Gladio walked in a few minutes later and sat next to Prompto.

"Everything's good to go," Gladio said shortly.

Noctis nodded. "I ordered for you, breakfast special."

"Thanks," he looked at Prompto. "You know you have dust or something all over your face, right?"

"What? Crap, Noctis! Why didn't you say anything?"

Noctis smirked. "I thought it was a good look for you."

"What were you doing?" Gladio asked, handing Prompto a napkin.

"My memory card fell under the bed last night. I went hunting for it this morning," Prompto said, dipping the napkin in water and wiping his face.

"Let out quite the victory yelp when he found it," Ignis said softly.

Noctis glanced at him. It felt almost normal, the four of them sitting there, waiting for breakfast and joking around.

"I imagine," Gladio said drily.

"Here you go, four breakfast specials and four coffees. Cream and sugar are by the window."

"Thank you!" Prompto said brightly. Then he looked at the food.

The server walked away. Noctis poked at the mass of yellow goo on the plate. "What…what is this?"

"Special," Gladio said.

"I think those are eggs," Prompto muttered. Ignis' hand felt around for a fork. He found it, and with one hand steadied the plate. He used the fork to poke at the various foodstuffs on the plate.

Gladio tried it. "It's not terrible, if you swallow really fast. And try not to taste. And don't mind the texture of slime."

Prompto made a face. "I think this is supposed to be sausage? In the eggs?"

Ignis speared something on his plate and stuck it in his mouth. He chewed. And chewed.

"That's it," Ignis said, swallowing hard. Everyone froze, looking at him. There was no way he was going to say it. "I've come up with a new recipe."

"No," Prompto said in shock. Gladio's mouth was hanging open, and Noctis' eyes were wide.

"I dare say even you and Noctis could manage this one," Ignis said, pushing his plate away.

"Yeah?" Noctis said.

"Indeed. It wouldn't be hard. Simply vomit into a pan and fry it."

There was silence. Prompto started giggling. He covered his mouth, trying to stifle it. He snorted, which started Gladio laughing. Noctis bit the inside of his cheek to try to silence the laughter, but it too escaped. He felt tears leak from the corner of his eyes from trying not to laugh.

He dropped his head against Ignis' shoulder, still laughing.

"This has to be the worst thing I've ever eaten," Gladio said, shoving another forkful in his mouth.

"Then why are you still eating it?" Prompto said, looking scandalized.

"Hungry," Gladio said, flinching as he swallowed another mouthful.

"You just want to prove that you're tougher than the rest of us," Noctis said.

Gladio nodded. Ignis' hand searched for one of the coffee mugs. Prompto pushed it to him. Ignis sniffed it. He held it out for Noctis to look into.

Noctis lifted his head from Ignis' shoulder and looked into the mug. "Looks normal, no chunks or anything if that's what you're worried about."

"Wouldn't surprise me," Prompto said, dumping loads of sugar in his own coffee. "This place has shit food. Reminds me of elementary school. Seriously, they should have ladies in pink aprons serving everything. They'd have to wear hair nets."

"You're crazy, you know that?" Gladio asked. He poured cream into his coffee. Ignis was the only one who took it black.

Ignis sipped his coffee and tried not to grimace. It was lukewarm, and definitely no Ebony, but it was caffeinated. Noctis dropped his head back on Ignis' shoulder. He dumped so much sugar and cream into his coffee is was practically white.

No one said anything about what they were getting ready to do. For a while, they could pretend they were just four friends, sitting around a table. They could pretend they weren't hurting, weren't falling apart at the seams.

A moment of brotherhood before reality came crashing back around them.

FFXV

A while later, the four of them had migrated outside. Gladio was checking out the elevator. Ignis felt the sun on his face.

"Ignis," Noctis said softly. Ignis stopped and turned to face his voice. Noctis put his hand on Ignis' arm. He could feel how tense Ignis was.

"Ready to set out?" Ignis asked. His heart was in his throat. Was Noctis going to ask him to stay behind?

"I'm going to have Prompto stick close to you. Is that okay?" Noctis asked softly.

Ignis relaxed slightly. "I don't want to be a bother." He wasn't being left.

"Prompto won't mind," Noctis said. "Gladio won't be happy, but I want you down there with us."

Ignis bowed his head. His fingers tightened on the cane. "I'll manage," he whispered.

Noctis squeezed his arm gently. "I have no doubts. If you need me down there, just yell. I'll be leading."

"Of course, Noctis."

Noctis touched his hand and turned away. Ignis followed at a slower pace. Noct stopped next to Prompto.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Prompto said back, turning to face his best friend.

"Do me a favor down there?" Noctis asked.

"Anything you need," Prompto said immediately. Noctis glanced at Ignis.

"Stay close to Ignis, okay?" Noct's voice cracked a little.

Prompto put his hand on Noctis' shoulder. "Like a mite on a chocobo."

"You are disgusting," Noctis said. Ignis paused next to them. Gladio walked up.

"We ready to go?"

"Yup," Prompto said. "All present and accounted for."

Gladio's eyes narrowed as he took in Ignis.

"Noct, can I talk to you?"

Noctis looked up at him. "No."

Prompto took Ignis' arm and led him to the elevator. Gladio stared at Noctis in shock. He didn't think Noctis had ever shut him down like that.

"Noctis-"

"I said no, Gladiolus. Ignis is coming with us. End of discussion. Now, get on the damn elevator."

Noctis walked around the bigger man and got on the elevator. It had felt good to say no to Gladio like that. Weeks of anger and hurt were finally coming to the surface.

Gladio spit in disgust and got on the elevator. Noctis hit the button the close the door, and they descended in silence.

FFXV

It hadn't been bad at first. Prompto stayed within two steps of him, talking incessantly.

"Here we are," Prompto said, "the Chocobros, on another adventure."

Ignis stopped him. "The what?"

"Chocobros. That's us. I thought about 'Noctis and his Merry Men' or 'Prom and Noct take on the World with help from Iggy and Gladdy,' but 'Chocobros' stuck. Like it?"

Ignis tilted his head. "You are insane."

Prompto snorted and led him around a small pond. "You're just jealous you didn't think of it first. We're the Chocobros. We're going down in history with that name."

"What did you call us?" Gladio asked, pointedly not looking at Ignis.

"Chocobros. I thought of it first, so that's what we're calling ourselves."

Noctis blinked at him. "You are a nerd."

"So this is like 'Bust-a-Base' then?" Ignis asked drily.

Prompto grinned, clapping Ignis on the shoulder. "Exactly! See, Ignis gets me."

After that, Gladio had surged ahead. Noctis roamed back and forth, out ahead of Gladio and then circling back to check on Ignis and Prompto.

Ignis' whole world narrowed down to Prompto. He listened to Prompto, using the blonde's voice and footsteps as a marker. Prompto would occasionally place a hand on Ignis' back and steer him around an obstacle, but he wasn't overbearing.

They had reached what Ignis had assumed was a large pond or a small, shallow lake when all hell had broken loose.

He heard something breach out of the water, and Prompto's startled yelp.

And the fight was on.

Ignis had never been so terrified in his life. Even Altissia paled to this. He had never taken part in a battle that he couldn't see before.

All those years of training fled as he listened to the sound of Sea Devils raging in the water. All of his careful composure left him when he heard Noctis hit the water with a grunt.

The Sea Devils weren't even attacking him. He didn't register as a threat.

He could hear the sound of the creatures' jaws snapping, and the others panting as they fought. Prompto gave a strangled cry. Ignis' head whipped around. Prompto was nearby.

He shuffled towards the moaning he could hear, and nearly tripped over Prompto's prone body. He knelt and touched his shoulder. He borrowed magic from Noctis to heal Prompto.

Prompto leapt to his feet and touched Ignis' shoulder. "Thanks!" And he dove back into the fray.

Ignis stayed kneeling. For a brief moment, he had felt useful. He wasn't a burden. He could still have a purpose.

Then something slammed into him from behind.

"IGNIS!" he heard Noctis yell.

Whatever had just landed on him wasn't a Sea Devil, thank the six. It had four legs and foul breath. It held Ignis' head under the water. Ignis tried to hit the thing with his cane, but couldn't.

He needed to breathe.

He summoned his dagger and made a haphazard slash. The weight on his chest was gone and he sat up, spewing foul tasting water. He heard a gunshot and yelp.

Ignis sat in the water. Noctis should have left him on the surface. He was of no use on a battlefield. Gods above, Gladio had been right.

He felt someone's hands on his shoulder.

"You okay?" Noctis asked softly, helping Ignis to his feet. He watched Ignis carefully. The taller man adjusted his glasses. Noctis could see that his hands were trembling. His cheeks were flushed, and he turned his head away from Noctis. He was ashamed.

"Ignis?" Noctis asked again, a thread of worry in his voice. "Were you hurt?"

Ignis didn't seem to be listening.

The pain behind his eyes flared up. His heart wouldn't slow down, and every beat of his heart drove spikes into his brain. He could almost hear Noctis, but it was like trying to listen to him through a bad phone line.

His lungs were constricting. Was it because of the water he couldn't seem to cough out or was he just on the verge of another panic attack? He shoved his fist in his mouth and bit down. His glove tasted awful, and there just wasn't enough pain with the leather covering his knuckles.

Ignis whimpered. It was so soft, Noctis almost missed it. He reached up and gently wrapped his hand around the fist Ignis had bitten down on. He stroked his hand and finally managed to get him to lower it.

"Ignis?" Noctis whispered.

"Noctis?" Ignis seemed to be coming back to himself.

"Yeah. You okay? That Saberclaw came out of nowhere."

Ignis bowed his head. "Forgive me," he whispered. Noctis squeezed his hand.

"There's nothing to forgive," Noctis said. He gave Ignis a potion. "Take this."

"I am a hindrance down here, Highness. I should have stayed on the surface."

"No," Noctis said firmly. "Look, Ignis, nothing you can say is going to make me send you away. I need you, remember?"

"Yes," Ignis said.

Prompto walked up to them. "I'm sorry, Ignis, I should've been paying more attention to you."

Ignis shook his head minutely. "It is not your job to babysit me during battles, Prompto. I will…manage, somehow."

Gladio was notably absent.

Prompto knelt and fished Ignis' cane out of the water. He pressed it into Ignis' hand. "Still, Noct asked me to stick close to you."

"You did fine, Prompto," Ignis said. Noctis squeezed his hand again. Noct couldn't believe Ignis. Even after everything, he had a kind word for Prompto.

"Hey, Noct!" they heard Gladio's voice call across the clearing. Noctis sighed. "Come look at this!"

He dropped Ignis' hand and walked over to Gladio. Gladio didn't say anything about the battle they had just taken part in. He didn't say anything about Ignis getting attacked.

But there was a smug little 'I-told-you-so' smile on his face that Noctis really wanted to wipe off. Preferably with violence.

"I think the tomb is down there." He pointed down the path, which had a piece of huge equipment parked in the way.

"They parked there?" Prompto said as he and Ignis walked slowly up to the others. "Wish we could give them a ticket." He leaned close to Ignis to tell him what was in the way.

"Well, there's gotta be a way to move it," Noctis said, heading back to the lake. He thought he had seen a control panel resting just out of the water. He surged up the stairs and inspected it.

He flipped a switch, and nothing. "Damn," he muttered. Gladio came up behind him.

"Looks like there might be generators somewhere," Gladio said.

Noctis groaned and rested his head against the panel. Gladio punched him on the shoulder.

"Let's move."

Noctis wanted to punch him in the face, but he levered himself to his feet and brushed by Gladio. He quickly explained to Prompto and Ignis that they were going to have to look for generators.

They started hiking. Ignis wasn't sure how much time passed. He was focused on Prompto again. He was also cold. His clothes were wet, he smelled terrible, and his head and eyes hurt.

He figured that was going to be par for the course for the rest of his life.

How long would he live?

How long did he want to live? The urge to slice into his skin was still there. If anything, it was worse than it had been before.

He had been leading Noctis to his death and hadn't even known. He didn't think it had just been a dream. The fact that his eyes had hurt less afterwards, and the fact that he remembered it clearly, made him think it was real.

Lunafreya had told him the truth.

He focused back on Prompto. He couldn't afford to think about the prophecy or Noctis at that moment. It was hard enough just walking down here. He knew Noctis was somewhere ahead of them, and Gladio was ranging behind them, covering the rear.

Noctis saw a shed at the end of the path. He charged up the hill and slammed on the brakes. A pack of Voretooths got up and started to stalk towards him.

"Whoops," he muttered. He pulled a blizzard spell from the armiger, and tossed it into the middle of the pack. Most of them dropped dead, and he grinned, pulling his blade and diving into the middle of them.

He shouldn't have tossed the spell. He wanted to work out some aggression.

Prompto heard the unmistakable sounds of battle up ahead. He glanced at Ignis. Ignis sighed.

"Go," he said. "Help Noctis. I'll wait here."

He hoped Prompto wouldn't be able to tell how much saying that had cost him. Would he spend the rest of his life waiting in the wings for the others?

He took a careful step forward. He didn't want to be orbiting the others. He wanted to be standing with them, shoulder to shoulder, like he had before. He took another step, and another.

He had to help.

His foot caught on a rock, and he went down hard. He hit his shoulder and rolled to his hands and knees.

Gladio saw Ignis go down. His lips tightened, and he clenched his fists at his sides. They never should've brought him down here. Hell, they should've left him in Altissia and had Cid take him back to Hammerhead.

Gladio could hear the excited yelling of Prompto and Noctis up ahead. They were fighting something. He drew even with Ignis, paused for half a second, and kept walking.

Maybe if they could see that Ignis couldn't handle this, they would see the wisdom in leaving him behind. Gladio didn't like walking by Ignis. Ignis had been his friend and confidant for years. They had watched Noctis grow up.

Maybe this would be the push Noctis needed to accept his duty and carry on. They couldn't do it with the dead weight of a blind man holding them down. Gladio ran ahead to help with the fight, leaving Ignis on his hands and knees on the path.

Alone.

Ignis heard Gladio's heavy footfalls come closer, pause next to him, and keep going. He thought he felt the edge of Gladio's pants brush his legs.

Ignis couldn't believe it. Gladio had left him.

Gladiolus had left him behind.

At first, he was ashamed. He had brought this on himself. How could he expect anything different? He couldn't keep up with the others.

He wished again that death had taken him. What did he care if his death caused Noctis to fall to darkness and die himself? Then they could be together.

Then he felt rage. How dare Gladiolus walk by him like he was nothing more than trash in Lestallum? How dare he ignore him when he needed help?

He couldn't hear anything but the rush of blood in his ears. The sounds of the battle the others were having faded away. He couldn't feel anything but the raging fire behind his eyes. The fire spread through his body, lighting nerves on fire.

He was going to kill Gladiolus. He didn't care anymore. He was going to gouge the bigger man's eyes out and feed them to him. He was going to cast a fire spell and shove it into his skull, making sure no one would ever be able to heal his eyes.

Let him see how it felt. Let him see how much he liked being trapped in darkness. Let him see what it felt like to have those closest to him talk about leaving him behind.

Leave him behind. Let Gladiolus rot down here. Let the Royal Tomb become his grave.

Ignis felt blood leak from his eyes. The fire raging behind them soared to new heights.

He screamed, his anger tearing out of his throat.

He was going to kill Gladiolus.

FFXV

Noctis stepped over the last of the Voretooths and knelt next to the small shed. "Check it out, a key."

"Maybe it leads to treasure!" Prompto said. Gladio leaned over and looked.

"Looks like a generator key," he said. Prompto thought Gladio seemed a little subdued, which was weird.

"Cool," Noctis said, pocketing the key. "We should be able to get the equipment moved then."

"Getting dark," Gladio said.

"Yeah," Prompto said, walking to the edge of the path. "Looks like there's a haven down there."

"Nice," Noctis said. He opened his mouth to say more when they heard a scream from down the path.

Noctis and Prompto looked at each other and took off running. Gladio followed them at a slower pace. He knew what they would find.

Noctis froze when he saw Ignis. Prompto stopped next to him.

"What happened?" Prompto whispered.

Ignis was on his hands and knees. The scream tearing from his throat raised the hair on the back of his neck.

Gladio stepped up next to them. He swallowed hard.

"We don't have time for this," he said, "We have to get to camp."

Gladiolus' voice cut through Ignis' rage fueled mind. His mouth snapped shut, cutting off the scream. His head came up. Noctis could see blood streaming down his cheeks.

The sudden silence seemed to have a weight to it.

"You," Ignis growled.

"What?" Noctis said, taking a step forward.

Ignis lurched to his feet and took a stumbling step towards them.

 _Talk again, Gladiolus_ , he thought, _so I can find you._

"I'm heading to camp," Gladio said, turning away.

"You," Ignis snarled. Noctis gasped when he felt Ignis rip magic from him. Ignis' hands were suddenly on fire.

Prompto and Noctis looked at each other, then at Gladio.

"What did you do?" Prompto asked.

"Nothing," Gladio snapped.

"Exactly," Ignis hissed, fire cracking in his hands. "You walked right by me when I needed help. You LEFT ME!"

Gladio paused. Noctis was staring at him.

"You left him?" Noctis' voice was cold.

Gladio turned to face Noctis. "You need to realize we can't be dragging a blind man with us into the Empire. We should've had Cid take him back to Duscae after Altissia."

Ignis listened hard, trying to pinpoint where Gladiolus was. He was going to kill him.

"What the hell, Gladio?" Prompto said, taking a step closer to Ignis. "Ignis is one of us. We can't just break up the Chocobros!"

"Enough with that stupid name!" Gladio yelled. Prompto gasped and took a step back. Ignis felt another wave of rage rip through him. He almost didn't feel the pain behind his eyes anymore. He was so angry it felt like his entire body was consumed with fire.

"Shut up, Gladio," Noctis snapped. He turned his back on Gladio and started walking towards Ignis.

"You have a duty, your Highness," Gladio spat. The title sounded sarcastic. "You need to accept that Ignis can't help you anymore. He's not going to be able to wipe your ass anymore because he can't even wipe his own." Gladio turned and started walking away.

Ignis snapped.

Noctis felt Ignis tear more magic from him. Ignis had always been the best at magic after him. Ignis had always taken the magic gently. There was nothing gentle about this. It was like having his skin ripped open.

He looked up in time to dodge sideways as Ignis threw the Firaga spell towards Gladio. He grabbed Prompto around the waist and yanked him out of the way of the fire.

Gladio yelled when Ignis' spell exploded at his feet. "What the fuck, Ignis?" He ran out of the conflagration, patting the fire on his clothes out.

His hair was singed, and his clothing smoked. He coughed. His throat hurt and smoke stung his eyes, making tears run down his face.

Ignis walked forward slowly, hands out for balance. "Kill you," he muttered. Prompto and Noctis traded horrified looks. Noctis let go of Prompto and put a hand on Ignis' chest.

"Ignis, Ignis, stop."

"I want him to hurt, Highness. I want him to bleed."

Noctis had never heard Ignis sound like that. He had never known Ignis to want to cause anyone pain. Yes, he was good at fighting, but he did it because it was his duty. He was good at it because he was good at everything he did.

"Ignis, I know, believe me, I know." He put pressure on Ignis' chest, pushing the man back a step. "Don't let this change you, Iggy."

"He walked right by me," Ignis said. His voice was rough. His throat was raw from screaming. The smoke from his fire spell burned his nose.

Noctis pressed closer to Ignis. Ignis leaned on him slightly. He was shaking, although from rage or pain Noctis didn't know.

Noct glanced at Prompto. "Get Gladio to the Haven and start setting up camp. We'll be along in a few."

Prompto nodded and walked over to Gladio. "Let's go," he said shortly. He put his hand on Gladio's arm and dragged him away.

Noctis looked up at Ignis. "He's not worth it, Ignis. He's not worth your hate." He wrapped his arms around Ignis' waist and pressed his face against his shoulder. "Don't let him change you. No matter what he says, I need you. I love you, Ignis. Don't change, Ignis."

"Noctis?" Ignis whispered.

"I'm here, Ignis."

"I'm…I would've killed him," Ignis said softly.

"I know. I couldn't let you, you know that, right?"

Ignis nodded, his arms slowly coming around Noctis.

"I'm as pissed at Gladio as you are," Noctis said softly, "and as much as I don't want to admit it, I need him. I need to talk to him."

"He walked right by me," Ignis whispered. "I fell and he walked right by me. He walked so close to me that I could feel him, and he kept walking."

Noctis closed his eyes. He felt a surge of anger at Gladiolus, at fate, at everything. He didn't want Ignis to hurt. He wasn't sure if Ignis and Gladio could be in the same camp right now, let alone the same planet.

He pressed his lips against Ignis' neck, trying to convey without words how much he loved him, needed him.

"I've never hated anyone like that before," Ignis said softly. "It…it blocked everything else out…even you."

Noctis pulled back and looked at him.

"I forgot everything but my desire to destroy everything Gladiolus loved. I wanted to make him hurt like I hurt. I wanted to gouge his eyes out and leave him shattered and alone." Ignis took a deep breath and tightened his arms around Noctis.

"I'm not going to leave you, Ignis," Noctis whispered against his neck.

Ignis buried his face against Noctis' hair. He almost told Noctis about what Lunafreya had said in his dream.

He didn't. He didn't want to be the one to add that burden to Noctis' shoulders. He knew though; Noctis would be leaving him.

It was only a matter of time.

Noctis tilted his face up and kissed Ignis gently on the mouth. He tasted faintly of sulfur, an aftereffect of the fire magic.

"Do you think you'll be okay in camp tonight? I'll make sure Gladio stays away from you. And me, actually."

Ignis nodded. "I'll manage."

"I know you will, Ignis. You're strong. The strongest man I've ever known."

Ignis didn't feel strong. He felt like he was barely hanging on. He felt like he was adrift and barely keeping his head above blood filled waters.

Noctis leaned down and picked up Ignis' cane. He pressed it into Ignis' hand.

Ignis took a deep breath. If Noctis thought he was strong, he would try to be strong for Noctis.

Until the end.


	10. Chapter 10 NOW

AN: next chapter inbound.

Please review and let me know what you think!

FFXV doesn't belong to me, not beta-ed, all mistakes mine.

 **Now**

Gladio slammed the last stake into the ground. Prompto worked silently. The silence had a weight to it.

Gladio sighed. "Say it."

Prompto turned and looked at him. "Why? Why did you do it?"

Gladio stood up. "I wanted you both to see that we shouldn't have brought Ignis down here with us."

Prompto looked up at him. "I don't think that's it."

Gladio rocked back, eyes narrowing. "I think I know my own feelings, Prompto."

"I'm not saying you don't, I just think you're lying to yourself."

Gladio glared at him, arms crossed. "Fine. Why did I do it?"

Prompto opened one of the camp chairs. "Because you're hurting, too."

Gladio's arms fell to his side.

Prompto set up the other camp chairs. "You're blaming yourself, Ignis is blaming himself, Noctis is blaming himself. It's a massive blame party."

Prompto looked up at him, tears shining in his eyes. "What none of you seem to get is that it isn't anyone's fault but the Empire's. Even if you and Ignis had been with Noctis when the Hydrean appeared, you wouldn't have been able to change anything. You'd both be dead and Noctis would be alone. Gods know I can't protect him by myself."

Gladio stared at Prompto. The kid was more insightful than everyone gave him credit for.

"Everyone reacts to pain differently, Gladio. Noctis withdraws, you lash out, and Ignis is hiding from us, trying to stay strong and failing miserably."

"What about you?" Gladio asked stiffly. "Aren't you hurting too?"

Prompto hit Gladio. "Of course I'm hurting, you ass! You think I like watching my best friends, my only friends, self-destruct? I feel like I'm standing outside, watching the three of you slide away, and no matter how much I yell and try to get to you guys, I can't. So, I try to be there for everybody, but you all make it so fucking difficult! Gods, can't you guys just talk about it!"

He spun away from Gladio, angrily wiping tears from his eyes. Gladio watched him, a frown tugging at his face.

Prompto turned back to Gladio. "If Noctis was going to quit, he would've done it already. He's still here, Gladio, still fighting. But he needs us to be strong. He needs us to be united behind him."

"Prompto…" Gladio said, watching as Prompto began to pace the length of the camp. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I left you guys for two months. I'm just, sorry."

Prompto looked at him. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to, Gladio. You left Ignis. You walked right by him when he needed help. Can you imagine what it's like for him?"

Prompto took a deep breath. "You were right when you said Ignis is worse off than the rest of us, than Noctis, but imagine for a second that you were Ignis. Ignis has no one but us, and you wanted to pawn him off on people we barely know. He can't see, and I'm pretty sure he's in pain all the time, but he still does his best to hold it together, to hold us together."

Gladio sighed, bowing his head. Prompto was right.

Gladio had failed Noctis. He was his shield, and he was supposed to be there to take hits for the king, but he hadn't been able to take this hit. He had failed Ignis. He remembered finding Ignis in the rubble after Altissia, unconscious. It had taken him a day to find Ignis amongst the wreckage of the city. He had thought Ignis was dead. Ignis had looked dead, face covered in blood, glasses nowhere to be found.

He carried Ignis' limp body back to the hotel. Someone had brought Noctis and Lady Lunafreya. It took one look at the Oracle for Gladio to know she wasn't going to make it. Noctis was unconscious, pale, bruised. Prompto looked wan and withdrawn. He leapt to his feet when Gladio walked in carrying Ignis' body.

"Oh! Oh, no!" Prompto cried.

"Get the doctors," Gladio said roughly, gently setting Ignis on his bed. Prompto ran from the room to grab the doctors. Gladio went to the bathroom and wet a towel. He walked back out and froze, staring at Ignis.

There was so much blood on his face. The left side of his face was completely covered in blood. Much of it had crusted on his face, but the left side seemed to be leaking fresh blood. Gladio knelt on the bed, gently wiping the blood from Ignis' face.

He reached Ignis' left temple and bit back a gasp. His entire left eye and temple was covered with a raw wound. Fresh blood welled up as Gladio wiped the crusted stuff away.

"Gods, Ignis," Gladio muttered, "What happened?"

The door flew open and Prompto rushed in, another man at his heels. It was the doctor that had been working on Noctis and Lady Lunafreya.

"Have you tried any curatives yet?" the doctor asked briskly, scanning Ignis quickly.

"No," Gladio said, "I just started cleaning him up."

"Good. You," the doctor glanced at Prompto, "go get more clean rags and warm water. You lift his head, gently! Try not to jostle his neck." Gladio set down his rag and gently grasped Ignis' head and lifted it. The doctor spread a towel under his head.

"Alright, set him down."

Prompto came back with the rags and a bowl of warm water. He bit back a sniffle. Ignis looked terrible, far worse than Noctis had. He looked nearly as close to death as Lady Lunafreya.

The doctor directed Gladio to continue cleaning Ignis' face. More blood welled, staining the towel beneath him.

"That's a lot of blood," Prompto said softly.

"Head wounds bleed a lot," Gladio said roughly. Prompto knew that, of course. They had all been hit on the head before, but he had never seen anything like this.

The doctor tilted Ignis' head and leaned close to his face.

"Has he woken up at all?"

"No," Gladio said, grabbing a clean rag. "He hasn't reacted at all."

The doctor frowned. He reached over and pulled Ignis' right eye open. Gladio stifled a cry.

Ignis' entire eye was blood red. Blood dripped from his eye. Gladio couldn't even make out his pupil. The doctor looked at his left eye, carefully prodding it.

"This one seems almost fused shut," the doctor muttered. Gladio could see other small cuts on Ignis' face, but nothing compared to the wound over his left eye and temple. His face was a mass of bruises.

The doctor flushed Ignis' right eye, but it was still blood red. He took a pen light and shined it in Ignis' eye. He frowned. There was no pupillary response.

The doctor handed Prompto a potion. Prompto cracked it over Ignis, the curative absorbing into his skin.

Gladio's heart sank. The wounds were still there. The doctor frowned again and tilted Ignis' head back and forth.

"I've never seen anything like this. The wounds should be healed."

"They look older, now," Gladio said. "They look like scars that have been there for a while."

"Hmmm…." The doctor pressed another potion into Prompto's hands. Prompto cracked it, and they all watched as the wounds around Ignis' eye looked older, but didn't disappear. The doctor looked completely perplexed.

He peeled Ignis' right eye open again. It was still bloody. The wounds had healed to old scars. The doctor shined the light into Ignis' eye again. Still no response.

"Have you ever treated wounds received from the Empire before?" Prompto asked softly. Gladio looked at him sharply.

"You think this is because of something the Empire did?"

Prompto shrugged, looking uncomfortable under the heavy scrutiny. "Just a thought. They have all that technology…"

"It's a possibility," the doctor said.

"Doctor," Gladio said, wiping a little remaining blood from Ignis' cheek, "is he going to be able to see again?"

The doctor looked down. "I don't know, signore. I just don't know." He scanned the rest of Ignis' body. "He doesn't have any other major injuries." He reached into his bag and pulled out a long, black cloth.

"Lift his head again," the doctor said. Gladio did, and watching with a frown as the doctor wrapped the cloth around Ignis' eyes.

"Keeping his eyes closed might help his vision," the doctor said softly. He stood up. "I need to go back and check on the king and the Oracle. Someone should stay with him."

"We can split our time between him and Noct. Thank you, Doctor," Prompto said quietly. The doctor nodded and gathered his things and walked out.

Gladio brushed a strand of hair back from Ignis' forehead. "I'm so sorry, Ignis."

Gladio thought he was going to lose both Noctis and Ignis. Neither one of them woke for days. Lady Lunafreya passed on the third day, a smile on her face as she looked at Noctis. And then her body disappeared.

No one knew what happened. They had moved her body into a private room, respectfully covered. Prompto had gone in later and her body was gone.

Ignis had woken up a few hours after that.

Gladio had been sitting with him, reading a book and trying not to think about Lunafreya's body vanishing. He heard Ignis moan and he dropped the book, lunging across the room to kneel at Ignis' side.

"Ignis? Can you hear me?"

"Gladio?" Ignis' voice was rough from disuse.

"Yeah, I'm here," Gladio's voice cracked.

"What is around my eyes?" Ignis' hand touched the blindfold. With a gasp, he tore it off.

"Ignis, no! You need to keep your eyes closed!"

Ignis opened his right eye. His left wouldn't open. "I can't see," Ignis said. "Why can't I see?" His voice was rising. Gladio's heart sank. Ignis' right eye was weeping blood.

Gladio swallowed. "You were hurt. You've been unconscious for three days."

Ignis touched his own face, recoiling in shock when he felt the scars. "Noctis?" he croaked suddenly, his hand grasping for Gladio.

Gladio took it. "Noctis is unharmed. He got the blessing of the Hydrean, but…"

"What?" Ignis asked. Gladio could feel him trembling, hear the panic in his voice. "Where is he?"

"He's in the next room. You need to calm down."

"Just tell me what happened!" Ignis snapped.

"Lady Lunafreya is dead. Noctis is unconscious, has been for four days. I found you three days ago in the rubble. You were hurt. Doctors have never seen anything like your injuries. Nothing seems to heal them."

"Prompto?"

"Unharmed. He's sitting with Noctis."

Ignis struggled to sit up.

"Whoa, Ignis, what are you doing?"

"I need to go to him."

"No, Ignis. You need to rest," Gladio pressed his hand against Ignis' shoulder, pushing Ignis back onto the bed. Ignis started to fight him. Gladio pinned him to the bed. Ignis bucked and snarled, trying to get away from Gladio.

"Doctor!" Gladio bellowed. The door crashed open and the doctor and Prompto rushed in. Ignis managed to catch Gladio's hip with a well-placed kick. Gladio grunted. Prompto grabbed Ignis' other arm. The doctor pulled out a sedative and injected it into Ignis' arm.

"Noctis, Noctis…Noct…is…" Ignis went limp.

The doctor pulled open Ignis' right eye and frowned. "Still no change. What set him off?"

"He wanted to go Noctis," Gladio said, massaging his hip.

The doctor sighed. "We'll keep him sedated until the king wakes up. Blindfold him again."

Prompto wiped the bloody tears from Ignis' face before covering his eyes again.

One day later, Ignis woke up screaming from a nightmare. Gladio nearly got stabbed for grabbing Ignis' shoulders. Gladio decided then that he would watch over Ignis.

If only Ignis would let him.

Two days after Ignis woke, he managed to slip away from Gladio into Noctis' room. He was with Noctis when Noctis finally came to. Ignis told him about Lunafreya.

Prompto and Gladio had been sitting in the small living room. Gladio had thought Ignis was in his room, sleeping. He had been the last time Gladio had checked. He was as surprised as Prompto when the door to Noct's room opened and Ignis stumbled from the room.

Prompto was on his feet, arms going around Ignis as the taller man collapsed. "He's awake," Ignis whispered. He sounded devastated. Prompto lowered him to the ground as Gladio walked by them to check on Noctis.

Ignis lay half in Prompto's arms, face buried against the blonde's neck.

"I am blind," Ignis whispered.

Gladio pulled himself out of his memories. Prompto was looking at him sadly, setting up the last of the camp chairs.

"I think of it every day, too," Prompto said softly. Gladio looked at him. They both turned when they heard slow footsteps approaching the Haven.

Ignis and Noctis appeared. Noctis had a hand on the small of Ignis' back. Neither one of them said anything. Noct led Ignis to one of the camp chairs and Ignis sat down slowly. He clung to his cane, face turned away from the others.

Gladio opened his mouth, but closed it when Prompto touched his arm.

"Now might not be the best time, Gladio," he said softly. "Just…let it be tonight, okay?"

Noctis walked over to the cooking station and frowned. "We have Cup Noodles and tin can chili."

"Well, can't be worse than those breakfast specials," Prompto said, trying to cover the strained silence between Gladio and Ignis.

"Iggy?" Noctis said.

"The chili, please," Ignis said softly, his shoulders hunched slightly. It was hard listening to someone else moving around the camp stove. That was his spot.

"Gladio wants Cup Noodles," Prompto said, taking two cups and pouring hot water in them.

Noctis set about heating up the chili for him and Ignis. He could do that much. Gladio snatched his Cup Noodles from Prompto and sat down. He stared into the steaming cup, then stood up with a grunt and went and sat away from everyone else.

Noctis stuck a fork each of the cans and carried them over to Ignis. "Here," he pressed one into Ignis' hands. Ignis took it and nodded his thanks. Noctis dragged one of the chairs closer to Ignis and sat down.

Prompto glanced between Noctis and Gladio, and sat next to Ignis with a sigh. The three of them ate in silence. Prompto noticed that Noctis sat close enough to Ignis that their knees touched.

Prompto pulled his camera out and frowned. He had taken some pictures during the day. There was one of Noctis, looking grim and determined. There was one of Gladio, kneeling in front of the control panel with Noctis, a smirk on his face. There was one of Ignis, cane out, walking carefully.

"Did you take any good ones?" Ignis asked softly.

Prompto wanted to burst into tears. Even after everything, Ignis was still trying to keep his spirits up. Noctis frowned. He just looked sad.

"Not really," Prompto sniffed, hastily wiping his eyes. "The lighting sucks in this place."

Noctis took Ignis' empty chili can from him. He stood up and dropped the cans into the garbage. He went back and decided to sit at Ignis' feet. He dropped onto the ground, leaning against Ignis' legs.

Ignis started slightly, then relaxed. He put one hand on Noctis' shoulder. Noctis leaned his head back against Ignis' thigh and closed his eyes.

Prompto raised his camera and snapped a quick picture. He saw Ignis tilt his head towards him, but he didn't say anything about the sound of the camera.

After a while, Prompto stood up. "I'm going to bed. See you guys in the morning."

"Night," Noctis said, not opening his eyes.

"Good night, Prompto," Ignis said softly.

Gladio didn't say anything from his position sitting on the cooler.

Ignis' hand clenched on Noctis' shoulder. Noctis opened his eyes and looked up at Ignis.

"You okay?" he asked softly. Ignis looked terrible. He was pale, cheeks stained with bloody tear tracks. Noctis covered Ignis' hand with his and squeezed gently. Ignis managed a tight smile.

He hurt everywhere. Coming with them had been a terrible idea. He had been tense the entire time, and his muscles were letting him know it. His throat was raw from screaming. His shoulder was bruised from falling.

He felt useless.

Noctis squeezed his hand again and stood up. He took a potion and handed it to Ignis. "Here, this should help."

Ignis pushed it back. "You should save them. You don't know what you're going to face tomorrow."

Noctis sighed. Ignis was right, of course. They had a limited number, and no one knew what they would face the next day.

"I don't want you to hurt, Ignis," Noctis said softly. Ignis reached up with one hand. Noctis took his hand. Ignis tugged it gently, and Noctis stepped up to him.

"There is nothing you can do, Noctis," Ignis said softly. "I will manage."

"I don't want you to manage," Noctis said, trying not to let his frustration show, "I want you to be pain free."

Ignis leaned his head forward, his forehead coming to rest on Noct's stomach. Noctis ran his fingers through Ignis' hair. Noctis could see how tight Ignis' neck muscles were.

Pressing his forehead into Noct's warm stomach seemed to alleviate some of the pain in his head. Ignis wasn't sure if it was actually helping, or if it was his imagination, but he didn't care.

Noctis still wanted to touch him, even after Altissia.

Noctis pressed his fingers against Ignis' neck and began kneading the tight muscles. Ignis groaned, pressing his head harder against Noctis' stomach. Noctis' fingers paused.

"Is this okay?" Noct asked. He didn't want to cause Ignis any more pain.

"Don't stop," Ignis managed. Noctis smiled weakly. He had never given anyone a massage before. He hated getting the things himself, although he thought he would be okay if it was Ignis giving him one. He just didn't like strangers touching him.

He centered himself in front of Ignis and pressed both hands against Ignis' shoulders. He had never seen or heard of someone giving a massage from such a weird angle, but he was loathe to make Ignis move.

The feel of Noctis' hands inexpertly kneading at his tense muscles was heaven. Tension leaked from Ignis. He had been so tense all day.

Gladio turned his head slightly and paused, his mouth hanging open. Noctis was standing in front of Ignis, and the taller man had his head buried against Noct's stomach. Noctis' hands were kneading Ignis' shoulders, back, and neck.

Gladio felt a moment of shock. Ignis had violently declined any offer of help from him and Prompto, and had flinched when they touched him. And yet here he was, pressed against Noctis with the prince's hands digging into his back.

Gladio thought it was a little strange. Neither Noctis nor Ignis were fans of casual touching, and they seemed entirely comfortable with each other. When had that happened?

Ignis had known Noctis a long time, and had been his constant companion for most of his life, but Gladio had never seen them seem so…at ease with one another.

He continued watching them out of the corner of his eye. He still wasn't sure that Ignis needed to be around Noctis, and he definitely didn't think that they should've brought him down here.

Still, he was glad to see Ignis relax slightly. The man had been so tense since they left Altissia. Had he been wrong to keep Ignis away from Noctis? He didn't know.

He watched as Noctis stepped back and tilted Ignis' head back. His fingers gently drew circles on Ignis' cheeks. Gladio frowned, his eyes widening as Noctis leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against Ignis' lips.

Oh.

Gladio turned away, staring into his empty Cup Noodles like he could see the future there.

When had that happened?

Why hadn't he realized?

He was angry at himself. It was his job to watch out for the prince, and he had completely missed this. Two men that he had known for most of his life and they had managed to keep it a secret.

Had it happened when he left them for two months? Had it happened before they left Insomnia? It couldn't have happened after Altissia, so it had to be before, right?

Did Prompto know?

He sighed. It didn't matter. So, Noctis and Ignis were a thing. It was just another reason they shouldn't have brought Ignis with them. Romantic feelings could just get in the way.

He would force Noctis to talk to him tomorrow, before they set out for Tenebrae. He'd force the prince to see reason.

That's what the shield did. When Noctis couldn't think, he did it for him. When Noctis couldn't fight, he was there. He was just going to have to force him to see that Ignis couldn't handle it anymore.

It was going to hurt.

He knew now that Prompto had been right. Noctis would never forgive him.

FFXV

Noctis stroked Ignis' cheeks. "Better?"

"Yes. Thank you," Ignis whispered. Noctis pressed his thumb gently against Ignis' lips.

"Anytime." He lowered himself to the ground next to Ignis. He rested his head back against Ignis' thigh.

They sat there in silence, the only sound was the fire crackling. Ignis wasn't sure how much time had passed when he heard Gladio walk by.

He tensed, mind going blank with remembered rage. He heard the zipper to the tent and he assumed Gladio went in when he heard it zip back up.

He wished he could cry without it hurting. He was breathing hard, fists clenched. He started when he felt Noct's hand pry his hands open. Noctis didn't say anything; he just held Ignis' hand. They sat like that for a while. The tent went silent.

Noct's head grew heavy against Ignis' thigh. Ignis' squeezed his hand.

Noct lifted his head and blinked at him.

"You should go to bed, Noctis," Ignis whispered.

Noctis yawned. "I'm good."

"No, you're not. You don't know what you're going to face down there tomorrow. You need sleep.'

"We."

Ignis tilted his head. "What?"

"We. _We_ don't know what _we're_ going to face down there. You're coming with us."

Ignis was silent for a moment.

"I shouldn't have come."

"Don't say that!"

"I'm just in the way. I can't do anything useful and having Prompto focus on me is taking his focus away from you. Gladio was right." Ignis' voice cracked. He swallowed, trying to get himself under control.

"No, he wasn't. Look, Ignis, you're not useless. Being blind hasn't made you stupid and you're still the smartest man I've ever met. You a master strategist, and let me tell you, we're going to need that. If it was just me, Gladio, and Prompto, we'd just charge right in and get our asses handed to us on a silver platter. We need you, Ignis. I need you."

Ignis bowed his head. Noctis stood up and wrapped his arms around Ignis' shoulders, pulling the other man against him.

"I need you, Ignis. I'll always need you."

Ignis' arms went around Noctis' waist. Noctis stroked his back.

"Thank you," Ignis whispered against him.

Noctis dropped a kiss on the top of Ignis' head and yawned. Ignis squeezed him and let go.

"Go to sleep, Noctis."

Noctis looked down at him. "What about you?"

"I'm just going to sit here. I have a hard time falling asleep. I will just sit here and enjoy the fire."

Noctis tilted his head.

"You don't want to wake up panicking in the tent with the others."

Ignis nodded. "That too."

"Okay. If you're sure," Noctis said.

"I'm sure." Ignis reached up and Noctis took his hand. Ignis squeezed his hand, tracing his fingers over Noctis' palm. "Sleep well, Noctis."

Noctis snorted. He gently disentangled himself from Ignis and walked to the tent. He paused after unzipping it, glancing back at Ignis.

Ignis' face was turned towards the fire, light dancing over his face, reflecting strangely off the scars. He ducked into the tent. Gladio was on his side, Prompto pressed against the bigger man's back.

Noct pulled his boots off and crawled into his bag. The tent seemed bigger with only three of them in it. He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes.

He wished Ignis was next to him, but he understood. At least, he was trying to.

FFXV

Ignis listened intently until he couldn't hear any noises coming from the tent. He took his gloves off and stuck them in the cup holder on the chair. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

The fire toasted the front of him. It was a gentle heat, not like the burning rage he had felt earlier that day. He had been telling Noctis the truth when he had told him that he had never felt a rage like that before.

He hadn't realized that it was possible to feel rage like that. It had blocked everything else out. It had hurt; it seemed to have flared up the pain behind his eyes.

He sighed. Thank the gods Noctis had been able to talk him down. He would've never forgiven himself if he had actually hurt Gladio. He would have to be careful. It wasn't fair to the others for him to lash out at them because he was hurting. He would hate himself if he hurt them because he couldn't handle his pain. When he could think clearly around Gladio, he'd have to apologize to him.

When he could breathe around the man without falling into that pit of rage.

He took a deep breath. There were ways to manage to his pain. Noctis wouldn't like it. Hell, he didn't like it, but slicing into his skin seemed to help.

It wasn't like he would be able to see the scars.

He still didn't want the others to know. Noctis would probably figure it out, but the others couldn't know.

It helped.

He could feel his pulse pounding behind his ruined eyes.

It helped.

Ignis' dagger appeared in his hand. He lifted his shirt.

It helped.

He pressed the dagger against his ribcage, under his arm. It was exquisitely painful there. He dragged the dagger across his skin in one swift movement. He felt blood trickle from the wound.

He hissed. As the blood welled from the wound and snaked its way down his side, it seemed to alleviate some of the pain behind his eyes.

He sliced himself again.

And again.

Again.

He wasn't sure how long he sliced shallow cuts into his side. Finally, the dagger disappeared back into the void. He slumped in the chair. His shirt was sticky with blood, but his eyes didn't hurt.

He would rest here, for a moment. The pain was quieted. His rage had leaked out of him like his blood.

He would rest.

FFXV

Gladio opened his eyes. He could feel Prompto's body pressed against his back, and he could hear Noctis' steady breathing. Ignis wasn't in the tent.

Gladio sat up and crawled out of his sleeping bag. Prompto muttered and rolled into the spot of warmth Gladio's body had left. Gladio unzipped the tent and stepped out.

The fire was low. Gladio walked over to and stoked it. He turned to face Ignis and froze.

The man was slumped in the chair, chin resting on his chest. His hands hung loosely at his side. Gladio took a step closer. There was a large, dark, wet spot on Ignis' shirt, on his side under his arm.

Gladio knelt next to Ignis and touched his side gently. He pulled his fingers back and looked at them. They were bloody. He closed his eyes.

Gods, no.

He lifted the edge of Ignis' shirt. Shallow cuts crisscrossed Ignis' skin. A few still leaked blood, but most had clotted. He dropped the shirt and stood up, pacing across the camp.

He paused, staring down at Ignis' hands. He frowned and leaned over to look. The back of Ignis' knuckles were scabbed and raw. It looked like teeth marks.

"Fuck," Gladio muttered.

Ignis was hurting himself. There was no other explanation for it. Gladio ran his hand through his hair.

He hadn't expected this.

He wondered if the others knew.

Now he was even more convinced that Ignis couldn't come with them into Tenebrae and beyond. He clearly wasn't in a good mental state, not if he was cutting himself. If they had left him in Altissia, he could've gotten help from someone.

He shook his head.

Prompto had said that he thought Ignis would kill himself if they left him. Looking at the man, Gladio thought that maybe Prompto was right once again.

With a sigh, Gladio grabbed one of the extra blankets and draped it over Ignis' shoulders. He didn't want Ignis to suffer, but he couldn't keep up. He had been in the way during the battle, and then after…

Gladio dragged his hand over his face.

He shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have walked by him. He didn't regret much in his life.

He regretted that. The moment he heard Ignis scream, he knew. He knew that he had gone one step too far.

He hadn't expected Ignis to retaliate with violence. He couldn't shake the expression that had been on Ignis' face, or the low growl of his voice.

Gladio had felt a moment of true fear. Ignis had always had perfect control over every emotion. Seeing his perfect control shatter had been terrifying.

He remembered the flash of heat from Ignis' fire spell exploding at his feet. He looked into the darkness at the edge of the camp.

Tomorrow he would make Noctis see reason. Tomorrow he would talk to Ignis, and try to get the man to accept help. He couldn't keep cutting himself.

Tomorrow they would set out for Tenebrae.

But one of them wouldn't be coming.

Gladio would make sure of it.


	11. Chapter 11 NOW

AN: Seriously, not sure why I'm still posting this story on this site. It's up to chapter 22 on AO3. same user name if ya'll are interested. I'll try to keep posting here. It's not on the top of my priorities list.

Anyway, please review. I like this chapter.

FFXV doesn't belong to me, not beta-ed, all mistakes mine.

 **Now**

Prompto lay in the tent. Noctis was sleeping, curled on his side on the far side of the tent. Gladio was right next to Prompto, one arm thrown over Prompto's waist. Prompto had woken up the moment Gladio had left the tent. He had lain there, listening intently in case Gladio and Ignis had started fighting.

He hadn't heard any raised voices, and Gladio had come back after a few minutes. He had thrown himself back into his sleeping bag. It had taken him awhile to fall asleep again. He had seemed agitated.

Prompto couldn't fall back to sleep. He was worried about Ignis. He couldn't get the image of those nasty wounds on Ignis' thighs out of his head. He couldn't get the sound of Ignis' scream of rage out of his head, or the look on his face when he said he wanted to kill Gladio.

With a sigh, he shimmied out from under Gladio's arm. He slowly unzipped the tent and slipped out.

He paused. There was a blanket wrapped around Ignis' shoulders. Had Gladio put it around him? Prompto dropped into the chair next to Ignis and stared into the fire. He rubbed his eyes.

He wished everything was back to normal.

He snorted. "Yeah, and if wishes were chocobos, beggars would ride."

Ignis started awake, jamming his fist into his mouth and biting down hard. Prompto stared.

"Ignis?" Prompto whispered.

Ignis froze, taking deep breaths through his nose. His head finally came up and he turned to face Prompto.

"Prompto?" Ignis asked, his heart thundering.

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep. You okay?"

Ignis lowered his hand. Prompto could see fresh blood on his knuckles. Ignis shrugged.

"As well as can be expected," Ignis said softly. He fingered the blanket and frowned. "Did you give this to me?"

Prompto was silent for a moment. He wondered if he should tell Ignis that Gladio had been the one to wrap him in the blanket.

"Ah," Ignis said. He shifted, wincing as the cuts on his side stretched.

"You okay?"

"Fine."

Prompto sighed.

Ignis tilted his head towards Prompto. "Are you okay?"

Prompto glanced at Ignis.

"I don't want to complain. I feel like I don't have the right to complain, not with you and Noctis…"

"You have the right to feel too, Prompto."

Prompto stared into the fire. "I finally got to meet Lady Lunafreya, ya know? Did you know I had found her dog, Pryna, when I was a boy? That's how I became friends with Noctis…eventually. Anyway…"

"That's why you wanted to meet her?"

"Yeah. She wrote me, to thank me. After Noct and Lady Lunafreya were brought to the hotel after the fight, she…she took the time to talk to me, to thank me for being Noct's friend…I was the last person she talked to…"

Prompto could feel the tears welling in his eyes. He wiped them away angrily. "I feel like I haven't been a good friend. I haven't been able to help any of you lately. I just wish…I want…" he started crying.

Ignis reached out, his hand finally touching Prompto's shoulder. He squeezed his shoulder.

"I know," Ignis said roughly, "believe me, Prompto, I know. Cry, Prompto. No one can see you."

Prompto looked at Ignis. "I…"

Ignis gave him a sad smile.

"How can you be so strong, Ignis? How can you sit there after everything you've been through in the past month and still care about us?"

Ignis turned his head back to the fire. He didn't really know how to answer.

Prompto covered Ignis' hand. "I admire the hell out of you, Ignis. I would've curled up in a tiny ball and would still be bawling hysterically in Altissia if it happened to me. I think you're doing a hell of a job."

Ignis was silent for a moment. "Thank you, Prompto."

They sat in silence, the only sound the crackling of the fire.

"You should try to get some more sleep, Prompto."

"Yeah…I know. I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay."

"I will manage."

"Do you need anything?"

Ignis clenched his fist. He felt blood trickling down his side. "Can you grab my bag?"

"Sure thing." Prompto stood up and unzipped the tent, poking his head in. Gladio and Noct were both still sleeping deeply. He grabbed Ignis' bag and brought it out to him.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, um…see you in the morning." Prompto squeezed Ignis' shoulder and slipped back into the tent. He dropped onto his side next to Gladio. His eyes still felt gritty from crying. He sniffed, closing his eyes. Maybe he would dream of something happy.

FFXV

Ignis reached into his bag, fingers grasping around for a shirt. He had a sinking feeling that Gladio had seen the cuts on his side. Just thinking about Gladio caused the pain in his eyes to flare up. He would have to be careful to keep his anger under control. It seemed anything that raised his blood pressure caused the pain to rise.

He took a deep breath and pulled a t shirt from his bag. He draped it over the arm of his chair and started unbuttoning his shirt. He pulled it off, feeling the cloth stick to the wounds. It had been stupid to cut himself while the others were asleep in the tent.

But he couldn't stop.

Prompto was wrong. Ignis wasn't strong. He was weak. He was selfish.

If he was truly strong, he would've stayed behind. He would've been able to let Noctis go.

He wasn't that strong.

He dropped his head into his hands. He was a weak, broken man.

He was selfish. He wanted to stay with Noctis as long as he could.

He wanted to be with Noctis until the end.

He touched the wounds on his side. His fingers traced the shallow cuts. Each touch reignited the pain.

With a disgusted snort, he pulled his t shirt over his head. He shoved the bloody shirt back into his bag and tugged the blanket tighter around his shoulders. He could feel the warmth of the fire sinking into his skin.

He would sit here until the others woke up. And then they would find the generators and get to the tomb.

And he would be with Noctis.

Wouldn't he?

FFXV

Gladio woke up first. He got dressed and slipped out of the tent. He glanced over at Ignis. He had the blanket wrapped around him, shoulders hunched. He was tense.

Gladio sighed. He had no idea how to approach Ignis after what he had done yesterday.

"Ignis?" Gladio said softly.

Ignis turned his head away.

"Ignis, can I-"

"I would rather you did not," Ignis said stiffly. Gladio could see his hands clenched around the cane. He had put his gloves back on and had changed shirts.

Gladio threw his hands in the air and stalked away to the edge of the camp.

Ignis shivered. He knew he should let Gladio talk to him. He knew that.

But he couldn't. He was afraid to be alone with Gladiolus. He was afraid of the rage that rose in him like a monster erupting from the sea every time Gladio was near him. He was afraid of what he wanted to do to the bigger man.

He was afraid that he would enjoy hurting the other man, and then where would it stop? Would he hurt Prompto?

Would he hurt Noctis?

No, he couldn't be alone around Gladiolus. He rested his forehead against the cane.

Gladio sat alone on the edge of the Haven, his head cradled in his hands. He slammed his fists into the ground. Everything was falling apart. How could he talk to Ignis when the man wouldn't even let him?

He wasn't sure how long the two of them sat on opposite ends of the camp, prisoners of their own thoughts. It seemed like an eternity.

Finally, Prompto stepped out of the tent. He paused. He could feel the tension and glanced between the two men. He went back into the tent and kicked Noctis gently in the side.

"Wake up," Prompto said. "I can't handle both of them alone."

Noctis groaned. He blinked and looked up at Prompto.

"What?"

"Ignis and Gladio."

Noctis sat up suddenly. Prompto was surprised at how quickly Noct seemed to wake up. He lurched to his feet.

"Did something happen?"

"I don't think so," Prompto said. "Super tense out there, though."

Noct groaned and shoved his feet into his boots. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. Prompto looked at him.

"What are you going to do about them?" he asked softly.

"I have no idea. I need both of them, but after what Gladio did yesterday…"

"I know. I can't believe he would do that. I…"

Noctis looked at him as he pulled his jacket on. "What?"

"I'm afraid Gladio's going to leave us again," Prompto whispered, looking away. "He left us for two months, and then yesterday…I just…"

"I know," Noctis said. He stared at his feet for a moment. "I'm afraid Gladio's going to make me choose."

"Choose what?" Prompto asked softly. He thought he knew.

"Between him and Ignis."

Prompto nodded. Noctis didn't say anything else, but he didn't have to. Prompto knew who Noct would choose, and after yesterday, he didn't really blame him.

FFXV

They had broken camp quietly after eating a hurried, strained breakfast. Prompto took up his position near Ignis as they left the camp. It didn't take long for him to fall into chatting softly at Ignis.

Ignis half listened. Prompto wasn't really talking about anything, but his soft words helped to drown some of the tension Ignis felt.

They had found the generators, and Noct had gotten them working. They slowly made their way back to the control panel. Noct flipped the switch again, and Prompto let out an excited yell when the machinery started up.

"Sounds like everything is in order," Ignis said.

"Yup," Noctis said. He led the way back down to where the equipment had blocked the path the day before.

Prompto hummed as he helped Ignis over the large tree branches. Noctis was fairly far ahead of them, and Prompto frowned when Gladio surged past them. He felt Ignis tense when the big man walked by them.

Gladio reached Noctis and grabbed his arm.

"Hey, hold up."

Noctis sighed and turned to face him. Gladio was surprised at how hard Noct's eyes were.

"Yeah?"

Gladio blew out a breath through his nose. "You sure you're ready for this? You got what it takes?"

Gladio thought Noctis needed a swift kick in the ass. Gladio would do whatever it took to get Noctis to see that Ignis was dead weight they couldn't afford. Gladio would do whatever necessary to get Noctis to accept his role as king.

"To do what?" Noctis asked, his voice low.

Gladio wanted to grab his shoulders and shake some sense into him. "To face your ancestors and ask them to grant you strength. You've got a long road ahead. Can you see this through, to the end?"

Gladio crossed his arms, staring down at Noctis.

"As if I have a choice," Noctis sneered. His mind went back to his time with the Ignis of the past. He remembered how Ignis had said he wanted to take Noctis far away, hide him from the future. He wished he had taken Ignis up on that offer.

Then he thought of the Ignis after Altissia. He thought of his father. He thought of Luna. He thought of all the people who died in Crown City when the Empire attacked. He thought of everyone who had died, who had sacrificed everything.

For him.

"You think I like the idea of people sacrificing themselves for me, one after the other?" Noctis snarled softly, looking up at Gladio.

Gladio dropped his arms. "Enough. Forget it." This boy would never be king. He walked by Noctis and paused. "I thought you'd accepted your duty. I thought wrong."

Noctis' chin dropped to his chest, a sigh escaping his mouth. He just wanted this to be over. Whatever happened, he just wanted it to end.

He glanced up as he saw Ignis and Prompto making their way slowly towards him. He turned and continued downhill.

"This cave is huge!" Prompto said.

"The tomb is further in?" Ignis asked.

"Maybe you should wait here," Gladio said. Ignis tensed

"Enough, Gladio," Noct said. "We all go down there, or none of us do."

Gladio snorted and went silent. If Noctis wanted to get Ignis killed, what was it to him?

Ignis lifted his head and sniffed.

"Yeah," Prompto said, his nose wrinkling, "something stinks. Don't slip and fall in whatever it is."

"Thanks for that visual," Noctis muttered. They finally reached a large lake. Noctis paused in front of the tomb entrance.

"Are those eggs?" Gladio asked. "I hate eggs."

"Since when?" Prompto asked, staring at hanging egg sacs.

"Since those breakfast specials."

"Fair point," Prompto muttered, his hand on Ignis' arm. "What if they start hatching?"

Ignis tilted his head. Was there something in the water with them? He could hear the water boiling behind them. He tensed. "Prompto…"

Prompto spun. "Oh my gods! Is that a mouth?! Is that's its face?"

"What?" Ignis asked, reaching for Prompto's arm. "What is it?"

"Something real bad!" Noctis yelled.

Ignis could hear the others fighting. He felt another wave of sadness. Useless. Useless. That's all he was.

"I'm covered in drool," Gladio yelled.

"That's disgusting," Prompto called back. Ignis heard Noctis grunt as he hit the water.

"Someone tell me what it is!" Ignis yelled. No one answered. He let out a frustrated snarl. If someone would only tell him what they were fighting, maybe he could help!

Something slammed into his chest, sending him flying. He landed in a heap. He was pretty sure he had a broken rib or two. Breathing was incredibly difficult.

He managed to lift himself to his hands and knees. His cane was gone.

"I think we're screwed, guys!" Prompto yelled. "The eggs are hatching!"

"That's disgusting," Gladio muttered, slamming his sword into one of the hatchlings. He couldn't see Ignis.

Noctis was thrown halfway across the cave. He warped out, landing lightly on his feet. Where was Ignis? He looked around wildly. He couldn't see him anywhere.

The big, ugly, plant creature that Gladio finally recognized as a Malboro spun towards Noctis and raced towards him. How a giant plant could move that fast was beyond him.

"Noct! MOVE!" Gladio bellowed. Noctis warped again, dodging out of the way. Gladio was pissed at the prince, but he didn't want him to die on his watch. Especially by being eaten by a giant plant.

"Thanks!" Noct had to admit that it was nice to fight alongside Gladio again. The man was good at fighting. Unfortunately, Noctis didn't think they were going to be able to swing their way out of this fight.

Ignis painfully pushed himself to his feet. He leaned against a rock that was beside him, his hand cradling his chest. Gods, it hurt to breathe.

He heard the sound of Noctis summoning the Armiger. They weren't doing well. He took a shuddering breath, wincing. He had to do something.

It had a mouth. They had to seal the mouth. He reached into himself, down the bond that tied him to Noctis. He concentrated on that bond, trying to feel what Noctis was feeling. He shoved all the pain in his body away.

He could save Noctis.

He froze. He could save Noctis only to have him die later. If…If Noct died now, it would save him from so much pain and horror.

Ignis felt ashamed of himself. It wasn't his choice. He couldn't do that to Noctis. He would lead the man he loved to his death. He felt angry at himself.

Fire. Fire had been so close to the surface for Ignis the last few days. He would use that fire.

"Noctis," Ignis whispered. He straightened up as best he could, one hand still pressed against his ribs. He felt a fire orb appear in his hand. He concentrated on the sounds of the battle. The sound of the other three men fighting for their lives. The sound of the enemy splashing around in the water.

He could almost tell what direction it was facing. The roars got louder whenever it faced him. He waited.

He heard Prompto scramble by him. The roar got louder. Ignis blocked the pain again and cocked his arm back and threw the Firaga spell with all of his might.

He heard a strangled gasp and a muffled explosion. Everything went quiet.

The pain came roaring back like a tidal wave. Ignis' knees buckled. He couldn't breathe.

Noctis stopped, his mouth hanging open as he stared at what was left of the Malboro. Flaming bits of plant matter rained down around them. Gladio and Prompto looked just as shocked. He spun in time to see Ignis collapse. He rushed over to him.

"Ignis, you did it," he whispered. Ignis didn't respond. Noctis dropped to his knees next to the other man. He could hear Ignis trying to catch his breath. He touched Ignis' shoulder and let the healing magic sweep through Ignis.

Ignis took a shuddering breath and tilted his head towards Noctis. "Get the weapon, Highness."

Noctis nodded and stood up. Prompto walked over to them.

"Here," he said, "I found your cane."

"Thank you, Prompto," Ignis whispered. Noctis and Prompto helped Ignis to his feet. He leaned back against the rock. It was still a little hard to breathe.

"Thank you, Ignis! We'd be plant food without you!"

Noctis walked back over to the tomb entrance, still covered by eggs.

"Whisking 'em just makes a mess," Gladio said, standing by the entrance, "better fry them."

Noctis threw a fire spell at the door. He and Gladio stood there, listening to the screams of the Malboro Sprouts burning in their egg sacs. Noctis unlocked the door to the tomb and walked in.

The water nearly reached over the effigy of the old king. Noctis reached out and the katana rose from the grip of the dead king and shot into Noct's chest. He stared silently as the Royal Arms danced around him. He had so many, now.

He wished he was a normal man. He wished he could just live near a good fishing spot with Ignis, somewhere away from the city, so they could watch the stars at night. Everything would be right with the world. His father would live nearby, and would be happy for his son and his son's lover. Maybe Prompto and Gladio could come visit, because Gladio and Ignis would get along again.

It wasn't meant to be though. He knew that. Gladio was wrong. He had accepted his duty. Gods, he wished he hadn't, but he had.

He could do nothing less than accept it. For Ignis.

"Let's get moving," Gladiolus said.

"Let's," Prompto agreed.

Noctis walked out of the tomb. He glanced at Ignis. His face was tight, hands clasped on the cane. He wanted to talk to him. Ignis had saved their asses.

"A moment, if you please," Ignis said. His voice was a little gravelly. The others stopped.

"Everything okay?" Prompto asked. He immediately wanted to kick himself for asking that.

"It most bloody well isn't. I won't listen to everyone's pointless bickering in silence any longer."

Gladio crossed his arms and looked away.

"Let's be frank," Ignis ground out, "my vision hasn't improved, and it probably won't."

Noctis looked at him. He wanted to reach out and hold him. He wanted to apologize again. But he knew that Ignis wouldn't stand for it. Not now. Ignis would tell him there was no need to apologize, because Ignis had already forgiven him.

"Yet…I would remain with you all. Til the very end," Ignis' voice had gotten softer. He knew what the end was.

"Sorry, but I object," Gladiolus said. "War is a matter of life and death."

"But we'll be there!" Prompto said.

"It's not about us looking out for him!" Gladio yelled, taking a step closer to Prompto. Why couldn't they get this through their heads?

"Then he should be free to choose!" Prompto yelled back.

"It's about more than what he wants!"

"I know full well!" Ignis snarled. "I will not ask you to slow down. If I cannot keep up, I will bow out."

"What says 'His Majesty'?" Gladio asked with a sneer.

"He's coming with us," Noctis said softly. Gladio spun to face him.

"You can't bring him with us just because you're fucking him!"

Gladio knew he went too far. Ignis' face went white. Prompto covered his mouth in shock.

Noctis suddenly understood what Ignis had said about rage. He saw red.

Gladio opened his mouth to apologize, but he never got the chance.

Noctis' fist came out of nowhere. It slammed into Gladio's jaw, rocking him back. Noctis swung his leg out, sweeping Gladio's out from under him. He knew the only reason he had managed to take Gladio down was that the other man hadn't expected Noctis to attack.

Gladio landed on his ass in the water. He pushed himself to his feet and froze.

A sword rested against his throat. He looked up. Noctis had the Engine Blade in his hand. The point of the blade was against windpipe.

"Kneel," Noctis growled. Gladio didn't move. "Kneel!" Noctis snarled, pressing the blade harder against Gladio's throat. His eyes were glowing. A trickle of blood ran down Gladio's neck. He swallowed hard, and lowered himself to one knee before Noctis.

He had only knelt before Noctis once before.

FFXV

 _The Past_

 _Eighteen year old Gladiolus Amicitia stood next to his father. Clarus put his hand on his son's shoulder._

" _Are you certain this is what you wish to do?"_

" _Yes, Father."_

 _Clarus nodded and opened the door to the throne room. The two men strode into the room. King Regis sat on the throne. Noctis stood next to him, and Ignis Scientia stood behind Noctis, unobtrusively taking notes._

 _Clarus fisted his hand over his heart and bowed from the waist. Regis nodded to him, and Clarus walked up the steps to stand opposite Noctis._

 _Gladiolus dropped to one knee before them._

" _Why are you here today?" King Regis asked._

" _I am here to become Shield to Prince Noctis."_

" _Are you here of your own free will?"_

" _Yes."_

" _And this is what you desire?"_

 _Gladiolus looked up at the king. Regis leaned forward, staring at the young man kneeling before them._

" _It is, your Majesty," Gladiolus said._

 _Regis turned his head and glanced at his son. Noctis gave a half shrug. Regis turned back to Gladiolus._

" _Then, if you truly want this, recite the oath."_

 _Gladiolus took a deep breath. "I, Gladiolus Amicitia, son of Clarus, swear to you, King Regis Lucis Caelum, that from this hour into the future I will be faithful to you and your son, with regards to your lives, and the members of your body, in good faith and without deception. I swear to uphold the ideals of the House of Lucis. I will defend against all who would strike against you, be they enemies from outside or those plotting from within. I swear to shield you from harm and take any and all strikes that are aimed against you. This I will do faithfully and without deception. May the Six witness my oath, and strike me down if I speak untrue."_

 _Regis looked at Noctis. He nodded._

" _On behalf of my son, who will be king, I accept your oath. Rise, Gladiolus Amicitia, Sworn Shield of my son, Noctis Lucis Caelum."_

 _Gladiolus rose slowly to his feet. His eyes locked with Noctis', who gave him a wry smile, and then with his father, who smiled at him proudly._

 _Gladiolus had finally joined the long line of Amicitia shields._

FFXV

Gladio knelt before Noctis, the blade against his throat. He lowered his head, staring fixedly at the water.

Noctis' hand was steady. He never thought he would be here, forcing his friend to kneel before him with a sword to his throat. He never wanted this. He never wanted to be king.

He remembered what Ignis had said to him, when he had told Ignis how Gladio wouldn't let him close to him after Altissia.

" _Be the king I know you are. Make him decide if he truly wants to be your shield, with all that means and entails."_

Prompto's mouth was hanging open. He glanced at Ignis. Ignis had his head bowed, a solemn expression on his face.

"I don't understand," Prompto said softly. "What's Noct doing?"

Ignis lifted his head and turned his face towards Prompto. "He is being king. It is his right as king to pass judgement on those sworn to him."

Ignis had purposely spoken loud enough for Gladio to hear him. Gladio's face went white. Noctis was going to sever his oath.

Oh, gods, what had he done?

"Gladiolus Amicitia," Noctis' voice was hard, and there was a trace of sadness under it. "You once told me you had embraced your duty as shield and that you took pride in it. You said that when I can't focus, you focus for me. You swore to defend me, to be my shield. A King's Shield remains by the side of the king, unless they are released by the king. In the long history of Lucis, there has never been a shield severed from his oath."

Noctis took a deep breath. His voice trembled slightly, but the blade remained perfectly steady. "And then you left. You left us. You left me. I thought you needed a couple of days. We had been through a lot, and I knew that if my father was dead, yours would've died first. That's what the King's Shields do. Defend the king to death, if necessary."

Gladio closed his eyes.

"I thought you needed a few days alone, to grieve for your father, for the life we left behind. But then a few days turned into a few weeks, and that turned into two months. We almost lost Ignis during that time."

Prompto had never heard Noctis sound like this before. His voice had taken on a more formal register. He sounded like King Regis. He had never heard him say so much at one time before.

"During those two months, I realized that we had come to depend on you. Your strength, your near callousness. You kept us going, you kept us safe. And then you left." He wanted to drive that point home. "I don't know what you did during those two months, and to be honest, I don't particularly care.

"When you came back, you were different. Harder, colder, more impatient. You pushed us. But you were never cruel. Until yesterday. Yesterday, you abandoned a man who needed you. You left him when you knew it would hurt me. And today, you said what you did because you wanted to hurt us."

Gladio opened his mouth to retort, but Noctis pressed the blade harder against his throat. "I haven't given you permission to speak," Noctis said softly. Gladio's mouth snapped shut.

"I could let Ignis do whatever he wants to you for retribution for what you did, but I won't. I'm going to give you a choice, Gladiolus."

Gladio looked up. He could see tears swimming in Noct's eyes, but the blade was still steady. Gladio felt a surge of pride, even here, throat bared before Noctis. Noctis was finally acting like a king.

"Your choice is this: you can swear yourself as my shield through Oath, Blood, and Magic, or when we get back to the surface, you leave, and I never see you again."

Gladio's eyes were wide. The old ritual of Oath, Blood, and Magic hadn't been used in at least 100 years, as far as Gladio was aware.

Noctis lowered the blade. "I am going to walk over to Ignis and Prompto and I'm going to heal their battle injuries. When I come back, I want your decision. But I do want you to consider one more thing, Gladiolus. What would your father think of what you have done?"

Noctis turned and walked stiffly over to Ignis and Prompto. Prompto's eyes were wide. He didn't really understand what was happening. Noctis put his hand on Prompto's shoulder, letting healing magic flow through him. He wanted to know what Oath, Blood and Magic meant, but he was too scared to ask.

He turned to Ignis and touched his ribs. Ignis bowed his head slightly.

"Your Majesty," he whispered. Noct's face screwed up slightly. He had always been 'Highness' before. It was the first time Ignis had addressed him as _king_.

He healed Ignis again. It had always been easier with Ignis. His magic moved easily through his advisor. He bowed his head. He was delaying going back to Gladio.

Gladio remained kneeling, staring into nothing. Noctis' last sentence to him had been a low blow indeed, but it got Gladio thinking.

What would his father think of him?

Clarus would've been livid that Gladio had left. It was his job to make sure Noctis was ready for whatever they faced, and he had failed. He had fled. He had abandoned his post, his sacred duty.

He bowed his head. He blinked back tears. He tried not to think of his father. Gladio was luckier than many. He still had some family left. Iris had gotten out of the city, but his father had remained behind. With Regis.

Until the end.

Gladio knew what he had to do.

He heard footsteps approach him and opened his eyes. He could see Noctis' legs standing in front of him.

"Your decision, Gladiolus," Noctis said softly.

Gladio looked up and held his hands out. His Greatsword appeared in his hands. He lifted his head and met Noctis' eyes.

"Before the gods, I, Gladiolus Amicitia, swear to be true and faithful to my lord and king, Noctis Lucis Caelum, and to love all that he loves, and shun all that he shuns, according to the gods' laws and the world's principles, and never, by will nor by force, by word nor by work, do ought what is loathful to him; on condition that he keep me as I am willing to deserve, and know that my sword and my life are his."

Noctis didn't move. He stared down at Gladiolus, on one knee before him, sword carefully offered. He had a dark bruise forming on his jaw from Noct's fist. A dagger suddenly appeared in Noctis' hand. Noct's hand whipped out, a blur of motion.

Prompto cried out, but Ignis managed to grab his arm. "No, Prompto. You cannot interrupt this."

Gladio felt the blade bite into his scalp. He felt blood trickle down his forehead. He blinked blood out of his eyes, watching in silence as Noctis sliced the blade across his palm. Blood welled across his hand.

The dagger disappeared and Noctis stepped forward. He pressed his bleeding hand against Gladio's head. Gladio hissed. It stung.

He felt Noctis' fingers dig into his scalp, and their blood mixed in his hair. Noctis' eyes were glowing again. Gladio could feel Noct's magic wrapping around him. He swallowed hard.

"I, Noctis Lucis Caelum, last of the House of Lucis, King of Lucis, hear your oath and hold it binding. Should you break your oath to me, the House of Amicitia will fall to ruin, your name shall be stricken from the histories, and you shall forever be known as Gladiolus Oathbreaker."

Gladio gasped. His head tingled where Noctis' blood mixed with his. He felt Noct's magic bind to his wrists and around his neck.

"You are bound to me," Noctis said, lifting his hand. The cut on his palm was healed, a faint scar visible. The wound he had sliced into Gladio's scalp was healed as well. "I hope you don't regret this. There's no going back now."

Gladio swallowed. "My king, I will never regret this."

Noctis looked down at him. He felt sick. He could feel his magic binding Gladiolus to him. His skin prickled with unspent magic. He hadn't wanted to do that. He had just cursed his friend.

Prompto looked at Ignis. "What just happened? I thought Gladio had sworn to be his shield before."

Ignis nodded slowly. "When Gladiolus was eighteen, he knelt before King Regis and Noctis and swore himself into their service. That was a simple oath of fealty. This…this is far more permanent. Noctis bound Gladio to him through Gladiolus' oath of loyalty, both their blood, and Noctis' magic."

"What happens if Gladio breaks that oath now?" Prompto asked.

"What His Majesty said; the House of Amicitia will fall, Gladiolus won't be remembered in the histories of Lucis, and wherever he goes he shall be known as Oathbreaker. It is an old ritual, and an old curse."

"A curse?"

Ignis tilted his head. "It was meant to make sure they always remained loyal to the king. In a way, it is a curse. It means the end of a house to break one's oath. To my knowledge, after someone is bound through blood and magic, they have never betrayed that oath."

Prompto glanced back at Noctis and Gladio. Gladio was still kneeling, staring up at Noctis.

"Are you bound to him like that?" Prompto asked Ignis.

Ignis' lips curled in a smile. It was the first time Prompto had seen him smile since Altissia.

"I am bound to him through blood and magic, yes." It didn't seem like Ignis was going to expand on that sentence.

"What about the Oathbreaker part?" Prompto asked. "Sorry I'm asking so many questions. I don't understand…"

"It's fine. To be called Oathbreaker is essentially a death sentence. No one will deal with someone known as Oathbreaker. Why would anyone? It means that the person deals in lies and deception. They are alone in the world, with no one but themselves and whatever remains of their conscience."

"Oh," Prompto said softly. He turned his eyes back to Gladio.

Noctis sighed. "You may rise, Gladiolus."

Gladio got slowly to his feet. He fisted his hand over his heart and bowed to Noctis. Noctis nodded gravely and they both turned and walked back to the others.

The binding had healed Gladio's wounds from the Malboro. He stared at his hands. He was bound eternally into Noctis' service. He was a true shield now. There hadn't been a true shield since the old rituals had fallen out of favor.

Ignis sighed quietly. He was thinking something similar.

Gladiolus was last of the true shields.

The four of them stood there, in silence. Noctis could feel the tension rolling off Ignis.

"Let's head back up. The train isn't going to wait forever," Ignis said softly. He knew that Gladio had just bound himself irrevocably into Noctis' service, but he was still angry at him.

He was still hurting.

But he was good at hiding it. He always had been.

Gladio saw the look on Ignis' face and sighed to himself. He still had to fix what he had done to Ignis.

Noctis nodded. "You two go on ahead," he said to Gladio and Prompto. "I need to speak to Ignis."

Gladio nodded. He and Prompto walked slowly back up the path they had followed to reach the cave.

Noctis turned and looked at Ignis. He was tense again, his hand clasped around the cane. Noctis started to shake. He suddenly felt exhausted. The magic that had filled him to bind Gladiolus was gone, leaving him aching and tired.

"Ignis…" he said softly. He could hear the tears in his voice.

Ignis rested his cane against the rock and reached out, pulling Noctis against him. Noct's arms came around his waist, clinging tightly to the other man. Ignis rested his cheek against the top of Noctis' head.

"You did well, my king."

"You're not mad at me for binding him like that?"

"No, Majesty. You were right yesterday, when you said that you needed him. You did what was necessary. You did well."

"I don't feel like I did well," Noctis muttered into Ignis' chest. "I feel like I forced him."

"You are the king, Noctis, and I think he finally realized that. You know the binding wouldn't have worked if he had been lying."

"Are you guys going to be okay?"

Ignis tensed. Noctis pulled back and looked up at Ignis' face. "Talk to me, Ignis."

Ignis bowed his head. "I…"

"You can tell me."

"I am afraid to be alone with him. I still want…whenever he's near me I feel the rage from yesterday. I want to hurt him."

Noctis didn't say anything. He just tightened his arms around Ignis' waist.

"Do you know what I wanted to do to him, Noctis?"

"What?" Noctis asked softly.

Ignis turned his face away. "I wanted to gouge his eyes out and shove a fire spell into them so he would know what it feels like to be blinded. I wanted him to rot down here."

Noctis blinked. Ignis' voice was hard.

"That's why I'm afraid to be alone with him. I'm afraid of what I'll do to him."

Noctis rested his head back against Ignis' chest. He could hear Ignis' heart pounding under his ear.

"I understand, Ignis. I'll make sure either me or Prompto is with you when he's around. I'll tell Gladio not to try to talk to you alone for a while." He paused. "Do you think you'll work through it?"

Ignis bowed his head again. "With time."

How much time did they have? He didn't know. For Noctis, he would try to work through his issues with Gladio. They were both bound to the king. They had to work together.

Noctis smiled suddenly.

"I haven't thanked you yet."

Ignis frowned. "For what?"

"You saved all our asses. Like Prompto said, without you, we'd be plant food."

Ignis felt for Noctis' face. Noct leaned into his hand, feeling Ignis' fingers dance over his cheeks.

"I couldn't let you die," Ignis whispered.

Not yet. Not until the time was right. Ignis bit back a cry. What a horrible train of though.

Noctis smiled and went up on his toes, pressing his lips against Ignis'.

"Even if I die, I take your love with me."

Ignis' arms tightened around him. He didn't want Noctis to die at all.

Noctis finally pulled back. "We should catch up with the others. This place stinks."

Ignis nodded. Noctis intertwined their fingers and slowly led Ignis from the cave.


End file.
